I’m Voting Against The Apocalypse

humor, politics, Election Day, Trump, Clinton, gargoyles, life, Modern PhilosopherI was sitting on the roof of The House on the Hill, staring up at sky in search of answers, when Gary the Gargoyle returned from an afternoon flight.

“Fancy meeting you here,” my loyal Gargoyle quipped as he walked across the roof to join me.

I offered him a smile that was totally forced, and let out a sigh so heavy, the weight of it could have forced me through the roof and into the attic.  Of course that would have spooked the family of Ghosts who live there, so I’m glad I managed to stay put.

“You haven’t visited in a while, so I was hoping that you had worked out your issues with the sweet lass on the other side of the Atlantic,” Gary explained as he stood before me and opened his mighty wings to protect me from the rain.

I was so out of it that I hadn’t even realized that it was raining, and I was perilously perched on a steep, slippery roof.

“Oh, that’s still a horrible mess,” I confessed.  “I miss her now more than ever, but she still won’t speak to me, so I’m positive that I’m destined to spend the rest of my life alone, miserable, and longing for the sound of an adorable Irish brogue.”

The Gargoyle shook his head and then stared down at me.

“So what brings you up to the roof during a storm?” he queried suspiciously.

gargoyles, life, relationships, lonely, politics, Modern Philosopher“I guess I’m worried about the future,” I replied with a shrug.  “Not only am I going to be alone, but I’ll have to live under the rule of President Trump or Clinton.”

“I know Trump is an imbecile, but I didn’t think Clinton was that bad,” he commented as a clap of thunder from the heavens seemed to imply that God did not agree.

“I don’t want to speak badly of Clinton because then I get weird comments on my blog from readers who can’t seem to believe that I don’t think she is the greatest gift the political machines have ever granted us,” I spat out with just a bit of anger.

“So then what will you do?” Gary asked sincerely.  “Election Day is Tuesday and I know you’d never pass on the right to vote.”

“Sometimes, when the dark clouds roll in because I’m lonelier than I’ve ever been, I think that I should just vote for Trump,” I said in a whisper because I really didn’t want anyone other than Gary hearing that confession.  “A vote for Trump is vote for the end of days, right?  If the world ends, I won’t have to deal with my broken heart any longer.”

“Nonsense!” my Gargoyle roared and then flapped his wings so hard in anger that it lifted him a good ten feet off of the roof.

When he finally set foot on the roof again, he did not offer his wings to shelter me from the storm.  Instead, he glared at me in disgust and waited to see if the rain would wash away the stupidity along with the pathetic stench I was emitting.

“Don’t look at me like that!” I demanded of the stone being that watched over my home and kept me safe from intruders.

Trump, Clinton, Election Day, apocalypse, humor, Modern PhilosopherNo matter how vigilant my Gargoyle was, however, he couldn’t keep me safe from the kind of thoughts that invaded my mind at times like this.

“Stop feeling sorry for yourself,” was his counteroffer.  “And please tell me you weren’t serious about voting for Trump.”

“If I don’t are you going to throw me off the roof?” I challenged as I wiped the rain off my face and tried to give him my most defiant look.

“So you can read minds now?” Gary quipped.  “I wouldn’t need to throw you off this roof because you’d be throwing away your life by choosing to live it in such a pathetic manner.  Shake it off!”

He then shook his enormous wings to emphasize his point, and the force that generated blew me over.  I decided to just stay on my back and stare up at the afternoon sky, which was darker than my future.

The next thing I knew, Gary’s frightening stone face was peering down at me.

“If the Cubs can win the World Series, you can either get over Melissa, or win back her heart,” he advised me.  “You can also figure out a way to survive the next four years if the outcome of the election is as horrible as you think it will be.”

“Why do you have any faith in me, given my track record?” I had to know as I slowly eased myself back up into a sitting position.

“Because before you fell in love with the Sweet Irish Girl, who were up here moping over the fact that Rachel had moved away, with your blessing, to chase after her dream,” Gary reminded me as he opened his wings to once again protect me from the elements.

“But back when Rachel left, Future President Trump wasn’t looming on the horizon,” I pointed out smugly.

love, relationships, fate, politics, humor, Gargoyles, Modern Philosopher“Do you know what was looming on the horizon?” Gary persisted in being positive.  “Love.  While you were up here moaning about the loss of the girl with the dimple, the girl with the adorable Irish accent was wandering around Singapore with no idea that she was going to fall in love with you.”

I looked up at him through glasses covered in raindrops.  “So you’re saying that right now, my next love is somewhere just waiting for me to find her?”

Gary used his right wing to pat me on the shoulder.  “I knew you’d get there eventually, sport.  Trust me.  Be bold and vote against the Apocalypse.  I bet if you do that, a bright future will win in a landslide.”

Bless his stone cold Gargoyle heart.  Gary was right.

On Election Day, I’ll be voting against the Apocalypse.  It’s really the only way to go!

Follow me on Pinterest now.  You know, just in case the world does end on Election Day!


About Austin

Native New Yorker who's fled to the quiet life in Maine. I write movies, root for the Yankees, and shovel lots of snow.
This entry was posted in Humor, Love, Politics and tagged , , , , , , , , , , . Bookmark the permalink.

6 Responses to I’m Voting Against The Apocalypse

  1. I’m not sure which vote is really against the Apocalypse cuz….HE is just a numb nutz…and She is a proven War Monger. I’m going back to bed and pulling the covers over my head Have a nice party without me. I VOTED GREEN! Not really becuz it made in difference but because it made me feel good.
    The goddess Formaldehydely ~ known as ~~dru~~

  2. I love this! I too feel that one wrong vote is the beginning to the end!

  3. Pingback: I’m Voting Against The Apocalypse — The Return of the Modern Philosopher – wandasncredible

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