Now that the election is over and Future President Trump has become President Elect Trump, I plan to live out the next four years in the safety of my fortified bunker beneath The House on the Hill.
Of course, that could change if I am granted Canadian citizenship, the impeachment is a success, or the military coup makes it safe to rejoin every day life in America.
Until then, however, I will only see the sun through my security monitors.
That is, if the sun still comes out in this Trumpocracy.
I’ve had plenty of time to think since waking up in the middle of the night and having Google confirm my worst fears. There was something extra creepy about that computer voice telling me, “Donald Trump has won the Presidency” at three in the morning.
What I can’t figure out, though, is not how Donald Trump won, but how Hillary Clinton managed to lose an election that Trump’s hate mongering, out of control mouth and checkered past seemed to hand her on a silver platter.
Let’s get serious for a second, Modern Philosophers. It’s time to emphasize this blog’s Philosophical side over its Humorous side.
Let the Deep Thoughts flow and explain to me how Hillary lost.
Did she get complacent? Did her sense of entitlement upset voters? Was she too confident? Were her people telling her what she wanted to hear, instead of the truth? Was she too much like the big, bad, corrupt politician Trump kept railing against in his constant tirades of hatred and anger?
Did she simply choke?
Did we, the American voters, somehow choke? Did we just assume Hillary had this one in the bag? Did we figure there was no way Donald Trump could ever win?
Did America let itself down?
I’ve followed this election since day one, more for the entertainment potential than anything else. In the past, I’ve really only gotten involved in the Presidential Race after the conventions when the field had been whittled down to the two finalists.
This time around, though, I was there for all the primaries, getting to know every candidate, watching the speeches, absorbing the analysis of the political pundits, and writing tons of blogs posts and monologue jokes about it all.
Never once during that entire time did I think that Donald Trump was more than an attention seeking sideshow. I kept expecting him to lose his cool, go on one wild rant too many, and finally ride off into the sunset, laughing at us for thinking he was serious.
I wanted Bernie Sanders to win, but once Hillary got the nomination, I assumed that she was going to be the next President.
I think a lot of people did.
In the weeks leading up to Election Day, I read articles predicting that Trump would get little more than 100 Electoral Votes, and that Hillary was going to humiliate him to a point where he’d never try something like this again.
Things weren’t supposed to be unfolding the way they were.
Everyone kept talking about how Hillary was going to win this next battleground state, and restore a little order to the process.
But it never happened. The maps turned redder and redder.
I decided to sleep in the basement bunker rather than in my bedroom. Even though the commentators kept talking about a Hillary comeback, I mentally prepared myself for the End of Days and The Purge.
Despite analyzing this race from the very beginning, I still don’t understand how Hillary lost. And I think that’s the case: Hillary lost this election more than Trump won it.
I’m not even sure if Trump can believe that he won.
You know there’s no way in Hell Hillary can accept the fact that she lost.
So go crazy in the comments section. Use those big brains to explain to me why Hillary Clinton is not about to become the first female President of the United States.
Are we just a bunch of sexist pigs? Do Americans have a xenophobic streak stronger than I ever realized? Is there something about Trump that gives the country hope?
Or did Hillary just choke?
Don’t worry, there is WiFi in the bunker, so I will be able to stay in touch.
Hopefully, I can still find some humor in the new world that is about to collapse all around us.
I look forward to your comments because I really need to understand how this all happened…
Since the world is about to end, what will it hurt to follow me on Pinterest?