Who Choked Harder: Hillary or America?

Hillary Clinton, Donald Trump, President Trump, 2016 Presidential Election, Election Day, politics, humor, satire, Modern PhilosopherMy fellow Americans and Modern Philosophers, I address you tonight from my basement bunker.

Now that the election is over and Future President Trump has become President Elect Trump, I plan to live out the next four years in the safety of my fortified bunker beneath The House on the Hill.

Of course, that could change if I am granted Canadian citizenship, the impeachment is a success, or the military coup makes it safe to rejoin every day life in America.

Until then, however, I will only see the sun through my security monitors.

That is, if the sun still comes out in this Trumpocracy.

I’ve had plenty of time to think since waking up in the middle of the night and having Google confirm my worst fears.  There was something extra creepy about that computer voice telling me, “Donald Trump has won the Presidency” at three in the morning.

What I can’t figure out, though, is not how Donald Trump won, but how Hillary Clinton managed to lose an election that Trump’s hate mongering, out of control mouth and checkered past seemed to hand her on a silver platter.

Let’s get serious for a second, Modern Philosophers.  It’s time to emphasize this blog’s Philosophical side over its Humorous side.

Let the Deep Thoughts flow and explain to me how Hillary lost.

Hillary Clinton, Donald Trump, Election Day, President Trump, analysis, politics, philosophy, humor, choking, Modern PhilosopherDid she get complacent?  Did her sense of entitlement upset voters?  Was she too confident?  Were her people telling her what she wanted to hear, instead of the truth?  Was she too much like the big, bad, corrupt politician Trump kept railing against in his constant tirades of hatred and anger?

Did she simply choke?

Did we, the American voters, somehow choke?  Did we just assume Hillary had this one in the bag?  Did we figure there was no way Donald Trump could ever win?

Did America let itself down?

I’ve followed this election since day one, more for the entertainment potential than anything else.  In the past, I’ve really only gotten involved in the Presidential Race after the conventions when the field had been whittled down to the two finalists.

This time around, though, I was there for all the primaries, getting to know every candidate, watching the speeches, absorbing the analysis of the political pundits, and writing tons of blogs posts and monologue jokes about it all.

Never once during that entire time did I think that Donald Trump was more than an attention seeking sideshow.  I kept expecting him to lose his cool, go on one wild rant too many, and finally ride off into the sunset, laughing at us for thinking he was serious.

I wanted Bernie Sanders to win, but once Hillary got the nomination, I assumed that she was going to be the next President.

I think a lot of people did.

In the weeks leading up to Election Day, I read articles predicting that Trump would get little more than 100 Electoral Votes, and that Hillary was going to humiliate him to a point where he’d never try something like this again.

Donald Trump, President Trump, Hillary Clinton, 2016 Presidential Election, analysis, politics, choke, humor, Modern PhilosopherAs I watched the coverage last night, flipping from channel to channel, the stunned amazement of the political experts was frighteningly apparent.

Things weren’t supposed to be unfolding the way they were.

Everyone kept talking about how Hillary was going to win this next battleground state, and restore a little order to the process.

But it never happened.  The maps turned redder and redder.

I decided to sleep in the basement bunker rather than in my bedroom.  Even though the commentators kept talking about a Hillary comeback, I mentally prepared myself for the End of Days and The Purge.

Despite analyzing this race from the very beginning, I still don’t understand how Hillary lost.  And I think that’s the case: Hillary lost this election more than Trump won it.

I’m not even sure if Trump can believe that he won.

You know there’s no way in Hell Hillary can accept the fact that she lost.

So go crazy in the comments section.  Use those big brains to explain to me why Hillary Clinton is not about to become the first female President of the United States.

Are we just a bunch of sexist pigs?  Do Americans have a xenophobic streak stronger than I ever realized?  Is there something about Trump that gives the country hope?

Or did Hillary just choke?

short story, The Devil, humor, extinction, apocalypse, Election Day, Donald Trump, Hillary Clinton, Modern PhilosopherI’ll be in the basement bunker if you need me.  There is room for one female bunker mate.  If you’re interest in that position, please let me know.  Sooner than later.  It’s a little lonely down here….

Don’t worry, there is WiFi in the bunker, so I will be able to stay in touch.

Hopefully, I can still find some humor in the new world that is about to collapse all around us.

I look forward to your comments because I really need to understand how this all happened…

Since the world is about to end, what will it hurt to follow me on Pinterest?

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About Austin

Native New Yorker who's fled to the quiet life in Maine. I write movies, root for the Yankees, and shovel lots of snow.
This entry was posted in Humor and tagged , , , , , , , , , . Bookmark the permalink.

27 Responses to Who Choked Harder: Hillary or America?

  1. Josh Wrenn says:

    Clinton ran a terrible campaign and all the DNC stuff didn’t help at all.

  2. I don’t think this is Hillary’s fault. I think this is what happens when education trails a long way behind prisons on the national priority list. People are poor, ignorant, and angry. It must be someone’s fault. Who lives in Florida? Old white retirees and a lot of African-Americans and Cuban Americans…who didn’t vote. Because nothing will change, the election has nothing to do with me–that’s a cycle of ignorance. And not just in Florida, either. Who the hell voted for Gary Johnson, a man who couldn’t name even ONE world leader? Enough people to tip the balance in those states. It boils down to America didn’t want a woman for president who stayed with an philandering asshole of a husband. Never mind that Trump has been married three times. But Hillary wouldn’t even have made it this far as a, God forbid, divorced woman.
    This is now who and what America is, a minority of educated citizens and a whole lot of ignorant racists. Welcome to Idiocracy.

    • Austin says:

      Do you think Bernie would’ve beaten Trump? I think Bernie would’ve won in a landslide…

      • Yes, I do, but I also think the “Bernie or Bust” voters who declined to vote, or wrote in Mickey Mouse, or whatever, are a reason we are looking at Trump’s smug face all over the media. It was the worst sort of childish tantrum, not to vote because one candidate didn’t make it to the big leagues.

      • Austin says:

        I just think that there was a certain amount of sexism involved, and that if the Dems had a male candidate Trump would’ve been beaten…

  3. Gail says:

    Austin, we’re all in shock and asking the same questions. What burns me is that she won the popular vote but lost the electoral vote, a concept I never understood, which also happened to Gore. Ironic that Trump’s 2012 election tweet was, “The phoney electoral college made a laughing stock out of our nation.” That aside, half the country elected Trump. Chuck Todd, on MSNBC, said we shouldn’t be surprised because 65% of the American people are unhappy with the direction this country is going in. Paul Ryan said that “Trump heard a voice in this country that no one else heard.” Others are saying that not enough democrats came out to vote. Everyone is trying to get their head around this. Well, we have four years to figure it out because we can’t let this happen again.

  4. Ohhhh hell we let this happen again and again. Personally, I couldn’t stand her but hell I can’t STAND him. Life SUCKS!!
    Can I come over to your bunker….i’ll bring brie, crackers, and dip? Or pulled pork if you’d rather. I am sooo sooo sooooooo so TIRED.

    ~~dru~~

  5. donedreaming says:

    At least now he can’t be King of Scotland so thanks for keeping him away from the UK for a while, he’ll have his hands full with .. ok I don’t want to know what he’ll have his hands full of but I’m sure you’ll keep him busy across your side of the pond. It will be like House of Cards meets Game of Thrones! Now I bet Canada is looking pretty inviting ..

  6. Well I read today that in the areas where she was likely to do well ballot places shut or people were put off queuing for ages. At first I assumed too many were too lazy to vote but maybe things were made difficult. I think they should count retweets next time. Works for the Voice 😂

  7. Abbie says:

    I’m no political expert, Austin. However, the Electoral College is how Hillary lost, she won the popular vote. I am disgusted and ashamed. I don’t blame you for hiding in your bunker, I don’t blame you one bit.

    • Austin says:

      Any time you’d like to visit the bunker, Abbie, you are welcome. 🙂

    • Rich S says:

      She won the popular vote because Trump did not (or, at best, barely) campaign in CA and a few other heavily blue states. There was no point. Why spend effort, time and millions to make it a 55-45% margin instead of a 62-38% margin?? It makes NO sense.

      Instead, Trump concentrated on states that were mostly blue and everyone mistakenly defaulted them to Clinton, but the numbers were close (52-48% margin, for example)…and he campaigned HARD there. Thus, he flipped PA, OH, MI, etc into his column. That was all it took…bucking the conventional political wisdom and seeing something that the establishment was blind to.

      If the popular vote was what decided the Presidential Election, the strategies would have been 180 degrees to what they were. You can’t assume that Clinton would be President now if only the popular vote decided the election.

      • Austin says:

        I guess that’s one way you could spin the facts to make that sound like it’s correct…

      • Rich S says:

        How is that a “spin”, Austin? You readily admit that they are “facts” in your reply…but you don’t like them, so you try to discredit me by claiming I “spun” them???

        Further, you don’t need to “spin facts” to make “sound like they are correct”. Like them or not, facts are correct all by themselves. No spin needed.

        Are you interested in honest discourse and discussion, or is the only reason you allowed my comment on your blog so you could engage in an ad hominem attack to try to impress your “followers”?

  8. I enjoyed reading your insights. I actually just created a blog/open forum in light of all the Facebook posts I saw over the election. I am a teacher and feel limited with what I can express lol. So, I created a blog http://www.takethefloorblog.com where we could anonymously post our thoughts on race, religion, politics without worrying about our employers, friends or getting unfriended.:) Please share your insight and support my new blog. Your feelings on this topic are very open!

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