In the aftermath of Election Day, Modern Philosophers, America has seemed like an entirely different country as citizens react to and absorb the fact that Donald Trump has been elected the next President of the United States.
Meanwhile, at the White House, it has been anything but business as usual. After staffers begrudgingly took down the “Congratulations, Hillary!” decorations, they quickly got to work on saving the nation from what the election results dictate must happen.
This Modern Philosopher has learned that ever since President Elect Trump left the White House on Thursday, key advisers to President Obama have been following him everywhere and urging him to declare himself King of the United States.
That’s right, Modern Philosophers, less than a week after Democracy played its course and we elected our next leader, key members of the current government are plotting to turn the United States back into a monarchy.
And I’m very curious to hear more about this plan…
“Kings were beloved throughout history,” explained a high ranking Obama adviser, who asked to remain anonymous. “Kings protected the people from the enemy, made sure they were fed and had shelter, and they slayed any dragons that threatened the kingdom.”
From the way he winked after that last comment, I assumed he meant that King Obama needed to protect Americans from the fire breathing orange dragon that was running amok through villages from coast to coast.
“What choice would he have?” the adviser asked with a smirk. “A King is all powerful, and if he took the throne before the Electoral College voted, or even prior to the Inauguration, a mere commoner like Donald Trump wouldn’t be able to do anything about it.”
That made sense, but something tells me Trump wouldn’t go down without a fight.
“Do you really think Trump wants to be President?” the adviser demanded. “This gives him a way out, and he can spend the next decade complaining about the King, and demanding a blood test to make sure his blood is Type Royal. Of course, I’m sure King Obama would reward Trump for the inconvenience of losing his title by granting him another. Perhaps he would make him a Knight or maybe even Lord of one of those Rust Belt states that seem to love him so much.”
The First Lady would make a perfect Queen, now that I’ve given it some Deep Thought.
“Part of the plan would be for Queen Michelle to ascend to the throne whenever she is ready to lead the nation,” he continued. “America clearly wants a female ruler, but the right one wasn’t put forward this year. I don’t think anyone would have a problem with this choice.”
Down the line, President Obama’s daughters would also wear the crown. According to top secret polling conducted by White House staffers, America’s version of the Royal Family was far more beloved than Donald Trump’s clan.
No need for an Electoral College to declare a winner in that one!
Military leaders have already pledged their allegiance to King Obama, and the White Castle burger chain has agreed to change its name should the residence at 1600 Pennsylvania Avenue need to become the White Castle.
What do you think of this rebellious plan? Would you support King Obama, or would you prefer to try your luck with President Trump?
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