Am I Running From My Past Or From My Future?

Thanksgiving, Back to the Future, relationships, love, life, mental health, philosophy, Modern PhilosopherHappy Thanksgiving, Modern Philosophers.

As I’ve made quite clear in recent posts, I’m not really in a good place to celebrate the holiday this year.  I was going to spend it locked away in my basement bunker, but the WiFi reception was spotty down there today, so I decided to take a chance on passing the day above ground.

Since it was a Thursday, I started off the day with a run.  I figured it was the only way to give myself a fighting chance against all the calories I’d consume today.

I still planned to consume all the traditional Thanksgiving foods.  I’m depressed, not suddenly un-American!

As far as runs go, it was nothing special.  I was the only turkey out on the road this morning, but that was to be expected.  I needed time alone with my thoughts, and I tried to discard them along my running route, but I couldn’t get my speed fast enough to leave them in the dust.

So the annoying thoughts remained in my head when I returned to The House on the Hill.  My home was easy to find, since it was the only one in the entire neighborhood nestled under enormous black storm clouds.

The plan was to spend the day alone.  People did not need to be subjected to my moods, and there was no way I wanted ruin anyone’s holiday.  My amazing neighbor Janine did invite me to Thanksgiving Dinner, but I politely declined.

Back to the Future, Doc Brown, time travel, Thanksgiving, relationships, humor, Modern PhilosopherLuckily, I discovered that the Back to the Future trilogy was airing on TNT.  The flicks are personal favorites, I’m a huge fan of time travel, and Doc Brown is not only one of my idols, but also this blog’s most generous financial backer.

So I settled in to watch the three movies in succession while also doing some personal time traveling.

I took it upon myself to mentally revisit the four key romantic relationships in my life.  After all, the reason I’m brooding today is because the last one went awry and I’ve yet to recover.

I formed Deep Thoughts on whether I would time travel back to any of those relationships to try to save them, and if I did, at what exact point would I travel in a quest to make things right with the woman who owned my heart?

Why this might seem like a ridiculous or torturous exercise to some of you, I found it to be a helpful distraction.  When it’s me against the dark clouds, I’ll pull out any weapon in the arsenal in an attempt to snatch victory from the jaws of heartbreaking defeat.

I’ve sent emails to three of the four women who weighed heavily on my thoughts today.  The last email, to be written to The Sweet Irish Girl, has been the most difficult to pen.  As a result, I’ve put it off through an entire trilogy.

Back to the Future III, which just ended, was heavy on the message that our future has yet to be written and we have the power to make it anything we want it to be.

Doc Brown, Marty McFly, Back to the Future, Thanksgiving, time travel, relationships, love, Modern PhilosopherI’ve spent the entire day pondering the past, wondering where I went wrong, and if I had lost out on my chance at true love.

I didn’t spend any time thinking about the future, though.  Since Doc was so adamant that the future was yet to be decided, I will do my best to switch my focus there.

No reply to any of those emails, by the way.  I didn’t really expect to hear anything, but it was cathartic to write them and get some things off my chest.

I still plan to write that fourth email before bed because if I want to have any hope for a future, I need to deal with the chapter from my past that is holding me back the most.

The only other thing I can tell you about my future with any certainty is that it includes a piece of warm apple pie topped with whipped cream.

Happy Thanksgiving, Modern Philosophers.  Try to keep your speed below 88 mph so you can enjoy the present before it’s lost forever…

If you like my thoughts on relationships and time travel, you should follow my blog.  You can also check me out on Pinterest by clicking below.


About Austin

Native New Yorker who's fled to the quiet life in Maine. I write movies, root for the Yankees, and shovel lots of snow.
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8 Responses to Am I Running From My Past Or From My Future?

  1. Lutheranliar says:

    Hey Austin! Hope you had a great run, and a terrific Thanksgiving. So glad you decided to spend it above ground (!)

  2. Claudia says:

    Hoping sunshine finds its way into your cave soon, my friend.

  3. Gail says:

    I hope that fourth email brings you a sense of closure, so you can prepare to start off 2017 with a new outlook.

  4. Louise says:

    yep. it is a modern conundrum. Are we running from the past to the future or vice versa? i , too have been musing this similar quandry for sometime now. After a number of years I am not sure it gets easier. Glad you came above ground to write . though.. 🙂

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