Melt My Heart With Christmas Magic

Christmas, The Devil, short story, writing, Sundays With Satan Short Story Series, Snow Miser, Modern PhilosopherI was definitely not in a position to receive guests when I heard an all too familiar voice behind me.

“I thought we were going to watch football, drink Snapple, and share merry stories about the holiday season,” The Devil quipped with a chuckle.

I was sprawled out on the kitchen floor, blow dryer in hand, trying to coax the water pipes beneath the sink to yield water again.

“Slight change in plans,” I informed him without looking up from my mind numbing task.  “Snow Miser decided to pay us a visit last night, and my pipes froze.”

“You really should resolve your issue with that Ice Imp,” Lucifer suggested.  “You’re one wiggle away from revealing your plumber’s crack, and this really is no way to spend a Sunday, which my old boss famously declared the Day of Rest.”

“Well, I need water to wash the dishes, and I’m afraid if I don’t get it flowing again soon, the pipes are going to burst and give me the basement pool I never wanted,” I growled.  “So unless you want to help, why don’t you and your impeccably tailored suit hang out in the living room until I’m done?”

It was difficult to hear over the sound of the blow dryer, but I was fairly certain that The Prince of Darkness was making noises of disapproval behind me.

“Have no fear, your help is here.  Now get out of the way before I burn you,” he warned.

snowman, winter in Maine, Christmas, The Devil, short story, Modern PhilosopherI heard that, and jumped up from the floor.  That was when I noticed that my guest held his imposing pitchfork in his right hand.  It clashed with his charcoal grey pinstripe suit, but I was never going to tell him that.

I grabbed my Snapple from the counter and took a long sip as I watched Satan stick his pitchfork under the sink.

He gently tapped the pipes, and water immediately began to gush from the faucet.

“It’s a Christmas miracle!” I declared in relief and dumped the ancient blow dryer onto the very spot on the floor I’d just abandoned.

“As long as I’m playing Satan Claus, let’s take care of another issue,” The Devil decided and motioned for me to follow him towards the front door.

We were quickly outside on the front porch, where I shivered uncontrollably in the winter weather.  Lucifer, meanwhile, stood there looking toasty as Hell.

“Shoveling the driveway is going to take too much time, and I’d like to watch some football before the season ends,” he stated impatiently.  “Let me show you a little Christmas magic that will considerably speed up the process.”

Christmas, short story, The Devil, Devil's Pitchfork, shoveling snow, Maine, Modern PhilosopherThe Prince of Darkness hurled his pitchfork like a javelin into the driveway.  It landed fork down in the middle of the snow.

At first, nothing happened, but just as I was about to make a witty/obnoxious comment, the pitchfork glowed a molten red and all the snow melted.

“That’s the greatest Christmas present ever!” I gushed and then applauded wildly.

I would’ve given Satan a huge hug, but I knew that would wrinkle his precious suit, which could lead to his impaling me on the pitchfork.

“I bet Santa Claus can’t do that,” he said with a Devilish grin.  “Let’s go watch the game before icicles form on your face.”

With a snap of his well manicured fingers, the pitchfork magically appeared in his hand.

Christmas, short story, The Devil, humor, Modern PhilosopherI didn’t have to be told twice.  I was back inside and seated on the couch in a flash.  I know I sometimes give my annoying guest Hell, but today I was filled with the Christmas Spirit and felt lucky to have him around.

Maybe Christmas really is the most wonderful time of the year…

Don’t be a Grinch…follow me on Pinterest!

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About Austin

Native New Yorker who's fled to the quiet life in Maine. I write movies, root for the Yankees, and shovel lots of snow.
This entry was posted in Christmas, Humor, Writing and tagged , , , , , , , , , , . Bookmark the permalink.

10 Responses to Melt My Heart With Christmas Magic

  1. Reblogged this on saywhatumean2say and commented:
    ” Lucifer, meanwhile, stood there looking toasty as Hell.”
    GREAT LINE!
    ~~dru~~

  2. Louise says:

    can he come on down under next winter??? so glad you got hot water again. I love your writing, and the time zone difference cos as i wake up it has helped me feel more happy toward another day. Damn your brilliant.

  3. gigoid says:

    *grin* I like it….

    If one insists on engaging in the commonly accepted delusional behavior so prevalent during this season, one may as well have some fun with it… Your version of the Prince is a good one; not too pedantic, and a bit cheeky… Kudos…. Kinda reminds me of this…

    “He has been known by many names; the Prince of Lies, the Director, Lucifer, Belial, and once, at a party, some obnoxious drunk kept calling him “Dude”. — Stig’s Inferno

    Good read; thanks…

    gigoid, the dubious

    • Austin says:

      This is a regular series that appears every Sunday on my blog. You should check out the Archives for more of my adventures with my frequent house guest. 🙂

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