“I thought we were going to watch football, drink Snapple, and share merry stories about the holiday season,” The Devil quipped with a chuckle.
I was sprawled out on the kitchen floor, blow dryer in hand, trying to coax the water pipes beneath the sink to yield water again.
“Slight change in plans,” I informed him without looking up from my mind numbing task. “Snow Miser decided to pay us a visit last night, and my pipes froze.”
“You really should resolve your issue with that Ice Imp,” Lucifer suggested. “You’re one wiggle away from revealing your plumber’s crack, and this really is no way to spend a Sunday, which my old boss famously declared the Day of Rest.”
“Well, I need water to wash the dishes, and I’m afraid if I don’t get it flowing again soon, the pipes are going to burst and give me the basement pool I never wanted,” I growled. “So unless you want to help, why don’t you and your impeccably tailored suit hang out in the living room until I’m done?”
It was difficult to hear over the sound of the blow dryer, but I was fairly certain that The Prince of Darkness was making noises of disapproval behind me.
“Have no fear, your help is here. Now get out of the way before I burn you,” he warned.
I heard that, and jumped up from the floor. That was when I noticed that my guest held his imposing pitchfork in his right hand. It clashed with his charcoal grey pinstripe suit, but I was never going to tell him that.
I grabbed my Snapple from the counter and took a long sip as I watched Satan stick his pitchfork under the sink.
He gently tapped the pipes, and water immediately began to gush from the faucet.
“It’s a Christmas miracle!” I declared in relief and dumped the ancient blow dryer onto the very spot on the floor I’d just abandoned.
“As long as I’m playing Satan Claus, let’s take care of another issue,” The Devil decided and motioned for me to follow him towards the front door.
We were quickly outside on the front porch, where I shivered uncontrollably in the winter weather. Lucifer, meanwhile, stood there looking toasty as Hell.
“Shoveling the driveway is going to take too much time, and I’d like to watch some football before the season ends,” he stated impatiently. “Let me show you a little Christmas magic that will considerably speed up the process.”
At first, nothing happened, but just as I was about to make a witty/obnoxious comment, the pitchfork glowed a molten red and all the snow melted.
“That’s the greatest Christmas present ever!” I gushed and then applauded wildly.
I would’ve given Satan a huge hug, but I knew that would wrinkle his precious suit, which could lead to his impaling me on the pitchfork.
“I bet Santa Claus can’t do that,” he said with a Devilish grin. “Let’s go watch the game before icicles form on your face.”
With a snap of his well manicured fingers, the pitchfork magically appeared in his hand.
I didn’t have to be told twice. I was back inside and seated on the couch in a flash. I know I sometimes give my annoying guest Hell, but today I was filled with the Christmas Spirit and felt lucky to have him around.
Maybe Christmas really is the most wonderful time of the year…
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