Is The Flash Santa’s Secret Weapon?

The Flash, Barry Allen, DC Comics, speedster, superhero, Santa Claus, humor, Modern PhilosopherThe fact that Barry Allen aka The Flash was at The House on the Hill should not surprise you, Modern Philosophers.

After all, the World’s Fastest Man needed something from me, I wanted a cool story for the blog, and all kinds of amazing things happen at Christmas.

I thanked my guest for asking for the meeting, offered him a Snapple, and then sat down with him at the dining room table to see what was on his mind.

All the while, shooing away the female interns, who all thought my guest was wicked dreamy.

“It kills me, Austin, that the only story on this blog about The Flash is several years old and deals with the irony of my being hospitalized with the runs,” Barry admitted as she shook his head and sipped his Snapple.

I confessed that I’d written that post long before I’d ever seen The Flash, which happens to be one of my favorite TV shows.  I’d come up with the post after watching an episode of The Big Bang Theory in which Sheldon sung Barry’s alter ego’s praises.

“Still, it’s really embarrassing,” he continued.  “I’ve got a reputation to uphold, the other superheroes razz me about it, and I’m a big fan of your blog, so I’d like to do something to earn a little fan boy respect among Modern Philosophers.”

Everybody’s favorite CSI in the Central City Police Department then offered to dish on a little secret that has been puzzling children around the planet for centuries.

“I know how Santa Claus manages to deliver all those presents across the entire world in only one night,” Barry teased with a charming smile.

My guest had won me over even faster than he had made the journey from Central City to The House on the Hill.

Santa Claus, The Flash, Barry Allen, DC Comics, speedster, superhero, Christmas, humor, comics, Modern PhilosopherThis would be an exclusive…the kind of story that went viral.

I took the bait and asked Barry if The Flash was Santa Claus’ secret weapon.  Did he give the Reindeer the night off, hook himself up to Santa’s sleigh, and haul it across the globe at speeds only a speedster could?

“You’re close.  There is a reason that Santa and I both wear red…”

For the love of Zeus, Barry, just spit it out!

“Have you ever considered that Santa Claus might be a speedster?” my interview subject asked me and then leaned back in his chair to check out my reaction.

Santa Claus as a speedster?

The possibility had never crossed my mind.

Clearly, however, The Flash isn’t the being who has harnessed the Speed Force.

But Santa Claus?  Jolly Old St. Nick?  My longtime friend and frequent guest on this blog has been holding out on this secret for years?

“He didn’t want to reveal the secret until you’d become a fan of The Flash and understood the concept of multiple speedsters, the Speed Force, and various versions of the Earth,” Barry explained.  “Plus, I made him promise not to tell you after you wrote that post about The Flash having the runs.  I was upset and decided to be petty about it.”

So Santa Claus really is a superhero?

Barry Allen, The Flash, DC Comics, Santa Claus, speedsters, superhero, Christmas, humor, Modern Philosopher“Was there ever any doubt, Austin?” he posed in  a way that got the Deep Thoughts flowing.

It all made perfect sense now.  Santa Claus was an Otherworldly Being, a speedster, a superhero, and a saint.  Among so many other things.

“I always tease him that he needs to get a cooler, skin tight suit like mine, but he just laughs, pats his belly, and says he could never give up the milk and cookies,” Barry added to his tale.  “I counter with the fact that it would drive Mrs. Claus wild.”

We had a good laugh at that, Barry told me more tales of his visits to the North Pole, and I promised not to write anymore posts that made The Flash look like a geek.

“Then you’re officially off my naughty list,” he told me.  “And if you keep up the good work, maybe I’ll set you up on a date with Caitlin Snow.”

No sweeter words had been heard by these ears in a long time.

Of course, the nice time Santa Claus Skypes, we’re going to have a long talk about this major secret that he kept from me for so long…

Be a superhero and follow this blog and then follow me on Pinterest!


About Austin

Native New Yorker who's fled to the quiet life in Maine. I write movies, root for the Yankees, and shovel lots of snow.
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3 Responses to Is The Flash Santa’s Secret Weapon?

  1. Maybe Santa wears a fake belly to put people off the idea that he’s a superhero. But in reality he’s ripped. Also, think about all the milk and cookies. Speeding around the world would require a lot of calories.

  2. Pingback: Meet & Greet – HAPPY NEW YEAR! | A Texan's View of Upstate New York

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