I pay a couple of shady looking guys to take my stress out back, beat the $@#% out of it, and threaten to kill it if it ever comes back again.
Sure, that approach might be a little heavy for some of you, but it cuts therapy costs, keeps my blood pressure in a good place, and gives work to shady looking guys in need.
Today was one of those days at work that made me wish I was either independently wealthy, or really enjoyed being stressed out of my noodle.
It wasn’t the worst work day ever or anything (I need to play up the drama a little to make the story more exciting), but it had moments that took me on a roller coaster ride.
Things got incredibly hectic after lunch, and that’s when I usually deal with the stress by talking in odd accents, making up weird songs to sing to my coworkers, and demanding Ukrainian baked goods for my birthday.
That last one is a little hard to explain, but I can sense you are perfectly on board with my doing the first two things on the list.
Then The Other Melissa, while trying to be a good friend and asking me what I wanted to do for my birthday, unknowingly sent me down a dark, rip the scab off a wound that was finally healing path that led to New York City, a previous planned dual birthday weekend celebration with The Sweet Irish Girl, and the proposal that was supposed to ensue.
That’s right, Modern Philosophers. Once stress levels skyrocketed into the red, I declared that what the office really needed was a whoopie pie buffet to help us deal with high pressure situations on crappy winter afternoons.
That idea, of course, was met with raucous approval by those around me.
Everyone loves whoopie pies and knows they are the ultimate comfort food for work and relationship stress.
Of course, once the words “whoopie pie” get loose, they are going to catch the ears of anyone with a stomach who might be suffering from workplace stress in the vicinity.
Before long, there were conversations going about the best places in Maine to buy whoopie pies, which flavors were the best, who in the office made the best whoopie pies, when we should plan a whoopie pie potluck for the office, and I heard someone actually reading a whoopie pie recipe aloud.
There was also talk of how awesome it would be for everyone to bring in whoopie pies on Friday for me since it’s my birthday.
Now I’m going to come clean, Modern Philosophers, and admit that I was the one talking about the whoopie pies on Friday idea, but I’m really hoping it sunk in and there will be some of those delicious treats waiting for me.
I’ll do my best to rein in my disappointment and not get all Kylo Ren about it, destroying things with my bad ass lightsaber.
Although, getting a chance to duel with Rey would be the coolest birthday present ever. Do you think there’s any chance Daisy Ridley would stop by my office on Friday? Should I have told The Other Melissa that this is what I wanted for my birthday?
Talk about a missed opportunity! Oh well. At least I’ve got a whoopie pie waiting for me out in the kitchen. Of course, I’d gladly share it with Daisy Ridley is she wanted to come by The House on the Hill for dessert…
The moral of this story? No day is so bad that a whoopie pie can’t fix it. Also, I should sell another screenplay soon so I don’t have to worry about workplace stress any longer!
Do you have an odd way of dealing with workplace stress? You should follow me on my blog and on Pinterest. Maybe that will earn you a whoopie pie…