Trump Demands Invite To Princess Leia’s Funeral

Donald Trump demands to represent the US at Princess Leia's funeral, Star Wars, Carrie Fisher, Donald Trump, Princess Leia, satire, Modern PhilosopherAlthough he might never act like a Head of State, Modern Philosophers, Donald Trump will be sworn in as President of the United States in less than two weeks.

At that point, he will be the (orange) face of the American people to the rest of the world, and occasionally have to represent us at State functions.

Even though he has not yet officially replaced President Obama in this capacity, President Elect Trump, this week, demanded an invite to the funeral of Princess Leia.

Not sure where my invite is.  Would be a shame to miss it.  The Princess’ death is a huge loss for the entire galaxy. #ForceBeWithYou #MakeTheGalaxyGreatAgain”, Trump tweeted to, well, the entire galaxy on Thursday.

Later, Trump again addressed the issue, this time with the members of the press corps that he was unable to shake in his quest to be the loneliest President in this country’s history.

“Princess Leia was not only royalty, but also a General and great leader of the Republic,” he explained.  “Just like I’m the leader of this Republic and the Republican Party.  That’s why I believe I should represent America at Her Majesty’s funeral.”

“She was sassy, outspoken, and had a very memorable hairstyle,” Trump continued.  “You could say there’s a little bit of Princess Leia in me.  When I was younger and first saw her in that gold bikini, I definitely wanted there to be a little bit of me in Princess Leia, if you catch my meaning.”

Trump demands to go to Princess Leia's funeral, Star Wars, politics, we're all doomed, satire, Modern PhilosopherAccording to Trump’s Twitter feed, he believes that his failure to receive an invite to Princess Leia’s funeral is one last attempt by the Democrats to “Screw him over like a bunch of sore losers who can’t accept defeat.  So sad. #LetItGo #IWon”.

“I have been on the phone with the leaders of the Republic, of course, to offer them my condolences, and to assure them that the United States is committed to helping them in their fight against the First Order in any way possible.  I know how to bring down that group, and will put my best people on it.  If they need a wall somewhere in space to keep out Supreme Leader Snoke and his forces, we will build it here, allowing me to create even more American jobs as I promised.”

“I have told NASA to be ready to mobilize our country’s star destroyers on my command should our friends in the Republic need them.  Additionally, I have nominated my daughter Ivanka to replace Leia as Princess, and have ordered Congress to confirm her for that job immediately.”

I’m not sure what disturbs me most here, Modern Philosophers.  Is it that Trump doesn’t realize Princess Leia is a fictional character?  Or that he believes he actually spoke to leaders of the Republic?  Maybe it’s that he thinks NASA has a top secret fleet of star destroyers parked in a hangar somewhere?  Could it be his insistence on acting like he’s already the President when we still have almost two weeks to figure out how to get ourselves out of that version of the future?

Princess Leia, Carrie Fisher, Star Wars, Donald Trump, humor, satire, Modern PhilosopherWhat I do know for sure, however, is that there will be no invite to a Royal Funeral, and someone on Trump’s staff needs to explain that to him.

What I wouldn’t give to see Princess Leia break this to Trump in her own, unique, sassy way.  I can only imagine the choice words she would have for Darth Orange.

You will be missed, Carrie.  May the Force be with you!

I sense a disturbance in the Force.  Have you yet to follow me on my blog, Twitter, and Pinterest?

About Austin

Native New Yorker who's fled to the quiet life in Maine. I write movies, root for the Yankees, and shovel lots of snow.
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4 Responses to Trump Demands Invite To Princess Leia’s Funeral

  1. tarnegolita says:

    Oh dear god. May the Force be with you the coming 4 years, Americans! You’re going to need it! :/

  2. anoushkavail says:

    I have never seen a post that has made me laugh, cry and think this much. I think it’s safe to say that I am worried for America, especially after reading this article😂 This post is great. Keep up the good work! 🙂

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