Surviving The Holiday Minefield

How I managed to surive another holiday season on my own, short story, The Devil, relationships, humor, Modern Philosopher“How was your birthday?” The Devil asked as he handed me a Snapple.  “Can you still see the hill?”

He flashed a Devilish smile and looked so smug in his impeccably tailored suit, but I did not take the bait.  I did, however, accept the Snapple.

“My birthday was great,” I replied as I popped the cap off my iced tea.  “And for your information, I feel like I’m still climbing the hill.  There’s no way I’m over it yet.”

I took a long, satisfying sip of my Snapple and then shot him a charming smile of my own.

“I know the holiday season has always been hard for you, but your birthday is the traditional end of that rough time,” Lucifer stated as if I didn’t understand how my own life worked.  “Did you want to clarify that for the readers who haven’t been with us from the beginning?”

The Prince of Darkness was often an annoying house guest, but he did have a point.  Sometimes, it’s good to give a little back story to move the narrative forward.

“Thanksgiving is when Melissa first came to visit and we fell in love, so that holiday will always remind me of her,” I explained.  “My first date with Rachel was on my birthday, so she is forever in my thoughts on my special day.”

“Christmas, well, that just reminds me of every major relationship in my life for a variety of reasons.  And New Year’s is the holiday when you’re supposed to kiss your significant other to start the year on the right foot.  As a result, I think of the holiday season as a minefield that I need to navigate very carefully.”

How to survive being single at the holidays, short story, The Devil, writing, Modern Philosopher“At least it’s all behind you now,” Satan volunteered with a smile.

“Not quite,” I warned and waved my finger to indicate that I wasn’t quite out of the minefield yet.  “I was out with The Other Melissa last night, and told her that my holiday season was extended to today because it’s The Real Melissa’s Birthday.  If I survive today, I’m good.”

“The Sweet Irish Girl still holds that kind of sway over you?” The Devil asked in apparent surprise.  “I had the sense that you had finally moved past that relationship.”

I shrugged and chugged my Snapple more to avoid answering than because I was thirsty.  And to keep from admitting that I had sent Melissa a Happy Birthday email earlier even though I knew she would never reply.

“Since our birthdays are two days apart, we had planned a special birthday weekend in New York,” I sighed.  “There’s a part of me that wishes I was down in New York with her instead of sitting on this couch with you.  My thoughts have been drifting all day to what we would be doing now if things had gone as planned.”

Lucifer reached over to give me a reassuring pat on the shoulder.

“We both know which part of you wishes you were in New York with your very attractive ex-girlfriend,” he said with a Devilish grin and a wink that made me feel very dirty.  “But there will be plenty of other beautiful women in your life, so don’t dwell on the past.  Just focus on making sure the next one you fall in love with lives on this side of the ocean.”

holiday stress, short story, humor, life, The Devil, Modern Philosopher“Trust me, as much an Irish brogue makes me weak in the knees, I have no intention of ever again venturing into the international portion of this minefield,” I promised.

“That seems like an excellent strategy given how your new President feels about allowing foreigners into the country,” The Prince of Darkness  chuckled.

I checked the clock on my phone.  Only a few more hours until my holiday season nightmare officially ended, and I would be free of that minefield until Thanksgiving rolled around again.

I didn’t need the sharp dressed being on the other end of the couch to tell me that the holidays were Hell.  I had my broken heart to remind me of that.

I read somewhere once that you’ll never go to Hell if you follow my blog, follow me on Twitter, and follow me on Pinterest…

About Austin

Native New Yorker who's fled to the quiet life in Maine. I write movies, root for the Yankees, and shovel lots of snow.
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10 Responses to Surviving The Holiday Minefield

  1. That devil can be a right bastard sometimes. Good on ya for not letting him get the upper hand on ya though.

  2. The Hook says:

    Broken hearts heal, buddy.
    And chicks dig scars, apparently.

  3. Louise says:

    Yes like you i too counted and ticked off all the hours leading up to and including xmas and my birthday . He is right sorta new year. We will all get past it

  4. By the time you read this, the minefields will be a temporarily a thing of the past, unless there has been and explosion that I haven’t heard about. So you’ll be free to tippy toe or tromp all over the place until T-Day ’17. Congraz!

    Now I have and idea for another 2017 project for you; compile a book of you and the Prince’s Sunday conversations and entitled it…..”The Devil Only Calls on Sundays”

    I think I’m a genius or loaded! ~~dru~~

  5. stomperdad says:

    I’d totally buy that book. Love the Red Man’s dig on the Orange Man 🙂

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