Touchdown, Founding Fathers!

NFL Chamionship weekend, AFC Championship Game, NFC Championship Game, Trump's Inauguration, short story, The Devil, Sundays With Satan Short Story Series, Modern Philosopher“The Founding Fathers really dropped the ball with the whole concept of the Electoral College, but they totally made up for it with the timing of the Inauguration,” The Devil informed me as he passed the platter of Hell Fire Wings without turning his attention away from the action on the television.

While we both loved his delicious chicken wings, neither of us loved them nearly enough to tear our eyes away from the NFC Championship Game.

I grabbed a few wings, and then set the platter down next to the giant bowl of chips.

“I’m not quite sure what you mean,” I confessed as I wiped Hell Fire Sauce from my face.

Lucifer checked his impeccably tailored suit for any sign of sauce or blue cheese dressing (his wardrobe was the one thing that could always distract him from a football game), and then quickly turned to me.

“Trump’s Inauguration was on Friday, so most of the country has been depressed and in a funk, but now it’s NFL Championship Sunday, and the country begins to heal and come back to life,”  The Prince of Darkness explained and then went back to the game.

I took a long sip of my Snapple to let that comment sink in.  Also, my mouth was burning, and I needed the iced tea to douse the Hell Fire.

“I hate to burst your bubble, but the Founding Fathers had no idea that the Inauguration would fall on the same weekend as the AFC and NFC Championship Games,” I snickered.  “Sounds like you’ve picked up the Trump administration’s love for alternative facts.”

Green Bay Packers, NFC Championship Game, AFC Championship Game, short story, The Devil, humor, Modern Philosopher“Perhaps you are selling the Founding Father’s short,” Satan countered as he sipped his Snapple.  “Those men were Free Masons and inventors.  For all you know, they might have come up with a time machine long before your friend Doc.”

I looked over at The Devil like he was totally off his rocker.

“If I weren’t so addicted to your Hell Fire Wings, I’d throw you out of here for this nonsense you’re spewing,” I warned.

Lucifer brushed a piece of lint off his slacks and flashed his most charming and Devilish smile.  “It does seem like perfect timing though, that this amazing Sunday of football happens to fall just two days after one of the lowest points in American politics.”

“You have to keep in mind that not everyone feels Trump’s Inauguration was a bad thing,” I rather ironically played Devil’s advocate.

“I suppose you are correct,” The Prince of Darkness conceded as he placed another chicken wing on his plate.  “That’s the great thing about this country.  Not everyone thinks logically.  Some let hatred and anger be their guide, which makes my job much easier.”

Something was bothering me, though, and I poked at a chicken bone with my finger as I tried to work it out in my head.

Pittsburgh Steelers, New England Patriots, NFL Championship weekend, The Devil, short story, time travel, humor, Modern Philosopher“If you are right, though, and the Founding Fathers did have a time machine, why didn’t they do something to stop Trump from becoming President?” I finally asked.

“Maybe they traveled further ahead in time and discovered that Trump needed to be President in order for something better to happen down the line,” Satan suggested.

“Or perhaps they realized that they were going to be dead anyway, so there was no point in getting involved,” he added.  “Those Free Mason types were notorious for being pricks.”

I went back to enjoying the game and devouring snacks.  You don’t need to be a Founding Father to realize that no matter who the President was, life would be fine as long as there was football and chicken wings.

Follow me on my blog and on Pinterest, and I’ll have The Devil send you his famous Hell Fire Wings recipe!

About Austin

Native New Yorker who's fled to the quiet life in Maine. I write movies, root for the Yankees, and shovel lots of snow.
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12 Responses to Touchdown, Founding Fathers!

  1. susielindau says:

    Who knew? It makes sense to me. Those founding father’s thought of ALMOST everything.
    Thanks for the chuckle, Austin. It’s the first laugh I’ve had all day. I’m in bed with the flu. Gah…

  2. Funny that I visited the University of Virginia today (designed by Thomas Jefferson) and I am looking at a yuge (I mean, huge) picture of his statue in front of the Rotunda building right now. I can only hope they knew what they were doing, as no way Jefferson could have foresaw the NFC, hot sauce, chicken wings, or January inaugurations!

  3. Gail Kaufman says:

    So true: “the Trump administration’s love for alternative facts”

  4. melfamy says:

    If only they had added an insanity clause

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