Trump Replaces Cupid With Steve Bannon

Steve Bannon, President Trump, Cupid, Valentine's Day, relationships, humor, Modern PhilosopherIf you were worried that President Trump had forgotten about Valentine’s Day, you can finally put your minds at ease, Modern Philosophers.

With yet another Executive Order, President Trump has relieved Cupid of his annual duties and put Creepy Guy Leering At You From The End Of The Bar, and all around White House Swiss Army Knife, Steve Bannon, in charge of helping people find love on February 14.

While it might not seem like the most logical choice for such a key position, why would the President suddenly switch gears and start making sense?

Of course, the White House Press Corps wanted to know what had spurred President Trump into make such an “intriguing” decision.

Had he suddenly run out of nations to threaten?  Was there a brick shortage preventing the start of construction on the wall?  Did Saturday Night Live say something mean about him again and Twitter just didn’t provide the proper relief?

Luckily, White House Press Secretary, and Angry Guy You Always Try To Avoid At Office Parties, Sean Spicer, was available to provide some answers.

“President Trump decided that there needed to be a change, people.  That’s all there is to it,” Spicer growled before anyone could even ask a question.  “This is what a new President does.  He shakes things up.  Gets rid of the last guy’s people and brings in his own.”

Sean Spicer, Steve Bannon, Donald Trump, Cupid, Valentine's day, love, satire, Modern PhilosopherBut President Obama didn’t appoint Cupid to his position.

“Why do you people always got to do this?” Spicer fired back.  “President Trump says Cupid was Obama’s man, so that means he was Obama’s man.  Simple as that.”

Does Steve Bannon have any set agenda in his new role?

“Yeah, he does,” Spicer snapped.  “His job is to make sure the fatties and the uggos don’t end up with the beautiful people just because they’ve got some charm and maybe a sense of humor.  Cupid was doing that kinda thing all the time, and that’s why America is in the shape it’s in now.  You can’t make America great again if you let anyone under an eight hook up with the nines and tens.  It’s basic arithmetic, people.”

With that logic in mind, would Steve Bannon ever have allowed President Trump and The First Lady to end up together?

“You’re kidding me, right?” Spicer howled into his microphone.  “President Trump is a definite ten, and I know you’re not saying Mrs. Trump is anything less than a nine.  If you are, I will come down there right now and fight you.  I don’t care that you’re a woman!”

President Trump, The First Lady, Steve Bannon, Cupid, Valentine's Day, humor, Modern PhilosopherThe press conference went on like that for some time until the Press Secretary finally ran out of insults and the Press Corps decided it was too close to his nap time to rile him up any more.

Steve Bannon was not available for comment, as he generally doesn’t like to appear in public while the sun is still out.

However, Spicer did shoot down rumors that Bannon would be wearing a diaper in his new position.  He did not, however, rule out that a crossbow would be involved.

What could possibly go wrong with this scenario, Modern Philosophers?  Don’t forget to send a box of chocolates to the Electoral College to thank them on Valentine’s Day!

Would you be my Valentine and follow me on my blog and on Pinterest?  If you don’t, I might have to tell Steve Bannon on you!

About Austin

Native New Yorker who's fled to the quiet life in Maine. I write movies, root for the Yankees, and shovel lots of snow.
This entry was posted in Humor, Love, Politics and tagged , , , , , , , , , , . Bookmark the permalink.

14 Responses to Trump Replaces Cupid With Steve Bannon

  1. Reblogged this on saywhatumean2say and commented:
    I knew there was a reason that I’m boycotting Valentine’s Day. ~~dru~~

  2. Louise says:

    Geez thanks Austin. Just when I thought I could kinda try to be positive about Valentines Day. You had to mention those guys as replacements. I would, at least, rather Satan running amok next week spreading cheery vibes and lusty hot thoughts , now i am depressed again.Come on us singles and true beleivers in love definetly don’t want them in charge. Hallmark would be horrified. LOL

  3. Louise says:

    Hey where have you gone??? its 3 days now.. are you still sooking cos of the patriots win?? Thought you would have bombarded all of us with stuff do w valentines day. we miss you

  4. Louise says:

    Ok it’s the timezone thing. Beside full moon here tonight. Been on nite shift also…

  5. Louise says:

    Your losing have re liked this like comment 3 times now. Lol….must b getting old

  6. tarnegolita says:

    Cupid was Obama’s man… LOL! Also, I do not like Melania’s narrow-eyed stare in that last picture. Scary!

  7. Bannon is certainly an interesting fellow.

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