Sneeze Propelled Office Chair Rides

Coming down with a cold, Winter in Maine, office humor, blizzards, Modern PhilosopherI was sneezing so hard and in such rapid fire succession at work today, Modern Philosophers, that the force generated sent me rolling backwards in my office chair.

As the day progressed and the sneezes got more powerful, I improved on the distance of my chair rides to the point that I might have set a new American Office Record (the World Record, held by the Chinese, will never be broken!).

At one point, my chair traveled so far that a coworker predicted I would soon roll in the Supervisor’s office.  If I could have pulled off that one, the Chinese would have been in danger of losing their iron grip on the record book.

How in the world did I come down with a cold right before my day off?  Let’s see…

Could it be because “The Crud” has been slithering around my office for the past two months?  So many of my coworkers have been sick, and at times, the coughing has been so deafening and violent that I’ve felt like I worked on a Tuberculous ward.

I’ve noticed a definite increase in the number of humidifiers and salt lamps on my coworkers’ desk, as people try to fend off the sickness that seems intent on claiming everyone in the building.

Of course, I could be coming down with something because I spent five hours outside in a blizzard on Monday, working up a wicked sweat as I struggled to clear away Snow Miser’s overly generous gift to the good people of Maine.

Winter in Maine, Blizzard Season, coming down with a cold, humor, Modern PhilosopherLook at this photo of me from Monday.

My cheeks are red from wind burn, my glasses are fogged over, I’m covered in snow, and I’m wearing a day glow safety vest.

Of course the germs found me.  How could they miss me in that vest?  It’s like I was begging for them to take over my body.

I’m sure hanging out the second story windows yesterday to clear the snow off the roof didn’t help much, either.

I don’t get sick often, but it doesn’t take a medical degree to know I’ve succumbed to an evil that should never possess a man.

Thankfully, tonight’s taping of The Nite Show has been postponed because of the weather.  I would’ve had to miss if because there was no way I could risk spreading my disease to the best studio audience this country has to offer!

On the glass is half empty side of things, tonight’s taping of The Nite Show has been postponed because of the weather.  The original report called for 8 – 12 inches of snow by morning.  Mind you, that would be on top of the 24 inches we got on Monday.

Last check, however, the forecast had been changed to 3 – 6 inches.

I could definitely handle that as opposed to the original offer.  Even though I’m off from work tomorrow, I will still be battling this sickness, I have to bring my car to the mechanic, walk over to Bangor to get my taxes done, and bring Luna to the vet.

Winter in Maine, health, winter colds, The Nite Show, humor, Modern PhilosopherSo this really isn’t a good time for me to be saddled with a cold and another foot of snow.  I’m hoping that this medicine kicks in soon and a good night’s sleep, along with time away from the office where germs breed and become super germs, will put me in a better place to tackle tomorrow’s To Do List.

If Snow Miser can dial it back on this storm, too, I just might be able to keep my Post Traumatic Snow Disorder under control.

Here’s hoping that sneeze propelled office chair rides will be a distant memory by Friday!

Follow me on my blog and on Pinterest, and I promise not to sneeze in your general direction!


About Austin

Native New Yorker who's fled to the quiet life in Maine. I write movies, root for the Yankees, and shovel lots of snow.
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2 Responses to Sneeze Propelled Office Chair Rides

  1. Bonsai says:

    Oh my gosh I’ve been under the crud spell for a month. I got it, my husband got it, I got it again and finally (?) he has it again now. Will this ever end? The office will never sound normal again without hacking. It comes from every direction.

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