While DUST is not willing to state outright that Trump’s approval rating with Aliens is the lowest of any U.S. President since FDR, it’s obvious that intergalactic tourists are in no rush to be taken to our new leader.
“It’s like President Trump has built a wall between America and the Aliens,” observed Dr. Peter Cushing, a well respected Alientologist at the University of California in Mos Eisley, who headed up the study for DUST. “There are a lot more of them than there are of us, so it would be prudent for Mr. Trump to keep intergalactic relations on good terms. I mean, we all saw Independence Day, right?”
While the actual figure is not readily known because most data regarding Aliens is kept locked away by the Federal Government, it is estimated that Alien visitors pump close to one billion dollars into the Earth’s economy every year.
Should our intergalactic friends continue to stay away from our planet as they have over the past month, we could expect the global economy to take a swan dive over the next four years. This is a scenario The United Nations is not going to allow.
A delegation from the UN plans to visit Maine next month to talk to members of the state’s Alien population to see what can be done to make Earth more “Alien friendly” again.
Maine is home to the largest intergalactic Alien population in the United States, due mostly to the state’s open door policy toward Otherworldly Beings, Aliens’ odd fascination with whoopie pies, and Stephen King’s being named an honorary Admiral in the Govorkian Space Fleet.
Even with all that, the Alien Mothership, which normally hovers high above Bangor, has been spending more time in Toronto over the past month.
“We just don’t get a very good vibe from President Trump,” explained one high ranking Alien official, who spoke under the condition of anonymity. “He doesn’t seem to be a fan of anyone who is different from his version of ‘normal’, which is strange, given the fact that he is one of the very few Orange Americans I’ve ever met.”
“Of course, our scientists have been begging for a chance to study President Trump and run extensive tests on him, but they have been told, in no uncertain terms, that snatching and probing a sitting world leader is strictly prohibited,” my source went on to explain.
As far as the Canadian government is concerned, America’s loss is Canada’s gain.
“We love having the Aliens out and about,” Perry LeBeque, Special Assistant to Prime Minister Trudeau told this Modern Philosopher. “They’re friendly and outgoing, just like Canadians. They’ve taken a shine to hockey, and they don’t seem to mind the cold. An Alien invasion was exactly what Canada needed!”
While Trump’s low approval ratings with Aliens might not seem like that big of a deal considering everything else going on since the President took office, in the grand scheme of things, this could be a major personal setback for me.
I shouldn’t have to lose out on being with my future wife because the person in the White House isn’t a friend of Aliens.
I don’t have much hope that President Trump is going to change. On the contrary, he’ll probably only make matters worse.
Before we know it, Imperial Star Destroyers will be circling the Earth, waiting the attack. It might not sound like a glorious future, but it could be a nice reprieve from Trump.
Earthlings are great people if you can just look past the ones who have the power to blow Alien spacecraft out of the sky…
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