Aliens Visiting Earth Less Since Trump’s Inauguration

Alien visitors, UFOs, intergalactic relations, President Trump, politics, science fiction, humor, Modern PhilosopherThe Department Utilizing Statistics and Tables (DUST) announced today, Modern Philosophers, that Alien visits to Earth have dropped dramatically since President Trump’s Inauguration.

While DUST is not willing to state outright that Trump’s approval rating with Aliens is the lowest of any U.S. President since FDR, it’s obvious that intergalactic tourists are in no rush to be taken to our new leader.

“It’s like President Trump has built a wall between America and the Aliens,” observed Dr. Peter Cushing, a well respected Alientologist at the University of California in Mos Eisley, who headed up the study for DUST.  “There are a lot more of them than there are of us, so it would be prudent for Mr. Trump to keep intergalactic relations on good terms.  I mean, we all saw Independence Day, right?”

While the actual figure is not readily known because most data regarding Aliens is kept locked away by the Federal Government, it is estimated that Alien visitors pump close to one billion dollars into the Earth’s economy every year.

Should our intergalactic friends continue to stay away from our planet as they have over the past month, we could expect the global economy to take a swan dive over the next four years.  This is a scenario The United Nations is not going to allow.

A delegation from the UN plans to visit Maine next month to talk to members of the state’s Alien population to see what can be done to make Earth more “Alien friendly” again.

Aliens, Maine, UFOs, President Trump, sci-fi, humor, Modern PhilosopherMaine is home to the largest intergalactic Alien population in the United States, due mostly to the state’s open door policy toward Otherworldly Beings, Aliens’ odd fascination with whoopie pies, and Stephen King’s being named an honorary Admiral in the Govorkian Space Fleet.

Even with all that, the Alien Mothership, which normally hovers high above Bangor, has been spending more time in Toronto over the past month.

“We just don’t get a very good vibe from President Trump,” explained one high ranking Alien official, who spoke under the condition of anonymity.  “He doesn’t seem to be a fan of anyone who is different from his version of ‘normal’, which is strange, given the fact that he is one of the very few Orange Americans I’ve ever met.”

“Of course, our scientists have been begging for a chance to study President Trump and run extensive tests on him, but they have been told, in no uncertain terms, that snatching and probing a sitting world leader is strictly prohibited,” my source went on to explain.

As far as the Canadian government is concerned, America’s loss is Canada’s gain.

“We love having the Aliens out and about,” Perry LeBeque, Special Assistant to Prime Minister Trudeau told this Modern Philosopher.  “They’re friendly and outgoing, just like Canadians.  They’ve taken a shine to hockey, and they don’t seem to mind the cold.  An Alien invasion was exactly what Canada needed!”

While Trump’s low approval ratings with Aliens might not seem like that big of a deal considering everything else going on since the President took office, in the grand scheme of things, this could be a major personal setback for me.

Rey, Star Wars, Daisy Ridley, Aliens, Trump, humor, Modern PhilosopherWhat are the chances Rey will ever pilot the Millennium Falcon to Earth to finally meet me if President Trump is still putting up walls to make Aliens feel unwelcome?

I shouldn’t have to lose out on being with my future wife because the person in the White House isn’t a friend of Aliens.

I don’t have much hope that President Trump is going to change.  On the contrary, he’ll probably only make matters worse.

Before we know it, Imperial Star Destroyers will be circling the Earth, waiting the attack.  It might not sound like a glorious future, but it could be a nice reprieve from Trump.

Star Wars, Star Destroyers, Aliens, Trump, humor, Modern PhilosopherI do hope, however, that our Alien friends will decide not to judge an entire planet based on a single, angry, narcissistic orange.

Earthlings are great people if you can just look past the ones who have the power to blow Alien spacecraft out of the sky…

Don’t alienate me.  Follow me on my blog and on Pinterest!

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About Austin

Native New Yorker who's fled to the quiet life in Maine. I write movies, root for the Yankees, and shovel lots of snow.
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16 Responses to Aliens Visiting Earth Less Since Trump’s Inauguration

  1. Silly Mummy says:

    Haha! He’d better not be scaring off Doctor Who, or I will not be happy!

  2. Louise says:

    Lucky they found those 7 new planets.😄 we may need them

  3. Here in NZ there’s no question about alien visitations falling away. I was abducted three times a week in December. This month I’ve had none. And all our cows are intact (believe me, we need a LOT of cows in NZ – there’s a factory in Eltham, which is a VERY small town, that produces all the cheese slices for McDonalds, Taco Belle, Pizza Hutt and KFC for 50 countries – 70,000 tons of it annually… and that bit isn’t hyperbolic: http://www.radionz.co.nz/news/regional/294135/how-mcds-made-eltham-the-big-cheese )

  4. Ocean Bream says:

    Trump has a lot to answer for.

  5. Louise says:

    Ha ha matthew. Its true about u kiwi’s being abducted. But it visitd drop off what will really happen to area 57, death valley etc in the USA ? Will they die like all other small iconic tourist villages? Or will they be turned into another vegas? What about the autobots? Who they gunna fight? I think you are having your own DAVE in office moment

  6. Love this piece! Funny…and it makes sense that even the aliens would turn away. I bet the angels are rolling their eyes and laughing every time Trump opens his mouth.

  7. heatherjacksonwrites says:

    Love this! Especially the shoutout to Canada. And you’re right – aliens are very friendly and love our winter sports! Welcome, aliens! 🙂

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