How To Date Like An Oscar Contender

The Academy Awards, The Oscars, dating tips, life hacks, advice, Hollywood, humor, Modern PhilosopherThe Academy Awards are this weekend, Modern Philosophers, and as a screenwriter, it has always been my dream to win an Oscar.

Just like it’s always been my dream to find true love and live happily ever after.

I haven’t given up on my Best Original Screenplay Oscar dream, and I’m still writing every day.  The true love dream is on the back burner at the moment, though, but I’m sure I’ll start dating again once I can find someone willing to go out with me.

If I had someone giving me expert dating advice, I’d be much closer to achieving that dream.  Luckily for you, I’m coming to you live on Academy Awards weekend with an Oscar themed dating tips post to make your relationship dreams more of a reality.

Are you ready to learn How To Date Like An Oscar Contender?

The Academy Awards, The Oscars, dating tips, life hacks, advice, Hollywood, humor, Modern PhilosopherDress For Success.  Assume that all eyes are on you.  Make an impression by going out in style.  Wear the expensive tuxedo that will make you stand out from the rest of the crowd.  And know who it is you’re wearing because inquiring minds will want to know.

Too many guys phone it in on a first date and try to look too casual.  They want to act cool and pretend the night out is no big deal to them.

Big mistake.  Treat your date like it’s the Academy Awards ceremony.  You don’t know if you’ll ever get invited back, so dress in a way to make it memorable.

Your companion for the evening will certainly be impressed, and isn’t your goal to get her attention and keep it focused on you all night?

Everybody loves a sharp dressed man.  If you wear something she will want to tear off you later, then you both go home winners.

The Academy Awards, The Oscars, dating tips, life hacks, advice, Hollywood, humor, Modern PhilosopherRoll Up In Style.  Would an Oscar contender ever show up for the red carpet behind the wheel of the same beat up Oldsmobile that he drives to work every day?  Of course not.

Oscar contenders do not drive themselves anywhere, and they certainly do not allow themselves to be seen in any vehicle that might have a problem passing its annual inspection.

You’re already wearing a tux, so let’s keep that style and philosophy going.  You definitely need a limo.  Roll up in that, and your lady is guaranteed to be impressed.  We all know your date judges you based on your ride, so showing up in a chauffeured limo is going to make an excellent first date impression.

Make sure you’ve got her favorite wine or champagne chilling in back.  Nothing takes the first date edge off like a little bubbly on your way to your destination.

The Academy Awards, The Oscars, dating tips, life hacks, advice, Hollywood, humor, Modern PhilosopherThank Everyone.  Like an Oscar contender going through his acceptance speech, you want to thank everyone who pops into your head.  You might not be accepting Hollywood’s highest honor, but the goal is to pass yourself off as super positive and extremely humble.

Your date doesn’t want to hear about any negativity in your life.  That would be a red flag for her, and make her think that being with you will be a constant struggle.  She needs to know that all is well with your world, that you can always find the silver lining, and that your glass is always half full.

Speaking of your glass, thank the waiter in advance with a generous tip to make sure the drinks keep flowing all night.  You’re much more charming, funny, and handsome when all parties involved are a little tipsy.  Trust me on that one.

The Academy Awards, The Oscars, dating tips, life hacks, advice, Hollywood, humor, Modern PhilosopherParty Like The Studio Is Picking Up The Tab.  Do you think Oscar contenders worry about the bill when they go out to celebrate?  Do you think they set up a budget for their Academy Awards after party and then stick to it?

Of course they don’t!  They are going to celebrate reaching the pinnacle of their craft with wild parties, lavish spending sprees, and bar tabs that would make Charlie Sheen blush.  There will be no cutting of corners, no using of coupons, and no holding back.

They do this not only because they are going to enjoy every last moment of this amazing achievement, but also because they know the movie studio is footing the bill.  Having the star photographed and filmed out on the town is free publicity for the movie, and well worth whatever tab gets run up in the process.

An Oscar nomination can add tens of millions of dollars to a film’s gross.  While a date might not be bringing in any money for you, it’s not going to impress your companion if you take her out for a cheapo night on the town.

Live it up.  Burn the budget.  You can worry about how you’re going to pay for it all later.  Just have fun and make it a night you, and your accountant, will never forget!

The Academy Awards, The Oscars, dating tips, life hacks, advice, Hollywood, humor, Modern PhilosopherAct Like It’s An Honor Just To Be Nominated.  A date is just like the Academy Awards ceremony.  You’ve got about a one in five chance of going home a winner.  So even though the odds are not at all in your favor, be like an Oscar contender and act like you’re thrilled simply to be in a position to have a chance to win.

If your date senses your insecurity or catches a vibe that you don’t think things are going well, the night is doomed.

Keep everything about sunshine and unicorns.  Plaster that million dollar smile on your face and remind her over and over again how grateful you are that she agreed to go out with you.

Make sure she knows that there is no place else you’d rather be tonight, and the mere fact that you are there with her makes you a winner in your book.

The Academy Awards, The Oscars, dating tips, life hacks, advice, Hollywood, humor, Modern PhilosopherLock Up A Multi-Picture Deal While Your Oscar Buzz Is At Its Peak.  Every smart Oscar contender knows to take advantage of the Oscar Buzz and sign on to do as many movies as possible for the most amount of money before the ceremony.

No one wants to build a franchise around an Oscar loser, or pay an eight figure salary to someone who didn’t quite have what it takes to win an Academy Award.  That’s why all the deals are made when the Oscar Buzz is at its peak.  Every nominee still has a chance to win and the studios are desperate to lock up the next Oscar winner for that big budget action flick they want to release next summer.

The same is true for dating.  When the buzz is strong and the night is going well, you’ve got to lock down your companion for another date.  Get her to agree to solid plans for your next date while you are still the handsome superstar in the dashing tux, who arrived in a limo, and spent money on her all night like it was water.  Lock it in before they open the envelop and reveal the winner.

Another option here, if you’re more like an Oscar contender than I’ll ever be, is to lock down dates with several other interested parties while your buzz is so deafening.  You don’t have to sign up for a series of sequels if you prefer to widen your range and participate in multiple projects…if you catch my drift, player.

The Academy Awards, The Oscars, dating tips, life hacks, advice, Hollywood, humor, Modern PhilosopherBe Gracious Even In Defeat.  As I alluded to earlier, eighty percent of Oscar nominees go home empty handed after the ceremony.  No one likes a sore loser, and you don’t want to get a reputation as one, so make sure you are gracious even if the date does not go as well as you planned.

You want to work in this town again, so you can’t make a scene, say anything that could be misinterpreted, or give your date any reason to spread the word that are poison.

You might want a reference from her one day for another project that interests you, so leave on good terms, even if you don’t get to take home the prize at the end of the evening.

Remember, there are new leading men showing up in this town every day, so if you want to remain at the top of the casting lists, you need to play the game correctly.

Thank her for a wonderful evening and wish her luck in her search.  Perhaps when her attractive, single friend is looking for someone, she’ll put in a good word for you.

Keep in mind that many Oscar nominees get nominated year after year.  If you play your cards right, you’ll need that tux and limo very often.

Good luck out there on the dating scene.  Enjoy the Oscars!  If you have any picks for this year’s ceremony, feel free to share them in the comments section and we’ll see how right you were after the show.

While it is an honor simply to be nominated, I’ll feel like a winner if you follow me on my blog and on Pinterest…

About Austin

Native New Yorker who's fled to the quiet life in Maine. I write movies, root for the Yankees, and shovel lots of snow.
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24 Responses to How To Date Like An Oscar Contender

  1. Louise says:

    If yoy wrote about this how come your not taking your own advice….. Its pretty spot on… Hang the expense😜

  2. April Munday says:

    Good advice. A man in a tux is always attractive.

  3. I’m hoping you’ll land a spot on the stage, Austin. I know you are prepared for it!

  4. Gail Kaufman says:

    All that might get you a second date, but what happens after that? Doesn’t Hollywood have the highest divorce rate? I guess the glam wears off.

  5. Traci York says:

    LOL! Hope you bring home your own little gold man in the very near future…. wait, that doesn’t sound quite right… 😉

  6. Louise says:

    golden man ..ha ha ha … seriously you do deserve your day in the spotlight. we all love you.. and April is right – the right man in a tux SIGH ….they are damn attractive

  7. sizzlesue15 says:

    You’ve won because I followed you on Pinterest! I do like a man in a tux though there is an air of sophistication isn’t there rather than the low slung jeans 🙂

  8. Janice says:

    Hysterical! This is on point! What better way to portray dating in a positive way 😂

  9. Pingback: Once was a Thought – Analyzing Analytics

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