How To Handle Vivid Ex Dreams

dating tips, relationship advice, dreaming about your ex, life hacks, love, humor, Modern PhilosopherIt’s Saturday night, Modern Philosophers, which is when I usually dispense invaluable dating tips to help you in your search for love.

This week, however, the post has more of a relationship advice slant due to events that occurred last evening.  As always, I like to use my personal experience, even when the wounds are still fresh.

I had a dream about Rachel last night.  Those of you familiar with the blog know Rachel as The Girl Who Moved Away, my sweetheart who left to chase her dream of becoming a chiropractor.

She was also the one who insisted I start this blog as a way of keeping myself distracted while she was gone.  So you have Rachel to blame for the fact that I’ve pestered you with my silly stories for the past four and a half years.

You might not be sure how to react to having a dream about an ex-girlfriend, so this week’s post will focus on how to handle that exact situation…

dating tips, relationship advice, dreaming about your ex, life hacks, love, humor, Modern PhilosopherDon’t toss and turn in bed as you replay the dream over and over in your head.  This is the last thing you want to do because the more you replay the dream, the more realistic it becomes.

Especially if your ex looks amazing in the dream, her skin is ridiculously tan, and she is wearing tight jeans and a shirt that really shows off her tan and reminds you how much you miss her perfect body.

It’s the middle of the night.  You need your sleep.  Clear your head.

The longer you dwell on the dream, the deeper it becomes embedded in your brain.  If you think about it too much, it will become a permanent memory that can never be deleted.

dating tips, relationship advice, dreaming about your ex, life hacks, love, humor, Modern PhilosopherDon’t give any meaning to the dream.  You must not remain awake, in the bed you once shared with her, convincing yourself that it has to mean something that you dreamed about her after all this time.

Sure, your subconscious is probably telling you something.  Maybe you’re just lonely and horny and your brain thought this little trip down Memory Lane would do you some good.  Perhaps this time of year was a special time in your relationship and that’s why she visited you in your dreams.

Just because you dreamed about her, doesn’t mean that she is coming back into your life.  If every dream was a preview of things to come, you’d be constantly showing up to work naked or retaking your final exams even though you forgot to study.

It was just a dream, and a very good one at that.  Now let it go.

dating tips, relationship advice, dreaming about your ex, life hacks, love, humor, Modern PhilosopherDon’t email her to tell her about the dream.  While the dream is the perfect excuse to innocently email her and see if you can strike up an conversation after all this time, you do not want to do that.

She hasn’t spoken to you in over a year and a half, and even though your big brain cannot comprehend why she’s left you in the dust, why would you torture yourself like this?  If she replies, then you’re suddenly opening a Pandora’s Box of problems you are not ready to handle in your sleepy state.

If she doesn’t reply, you’re going to check your email a million times hoping to find the response.  When it’s not there, you’re going to get angry, sad, frustrated, and re-open a wound that has finally healed.

I know you miss her and always love her, but you have finally gotten over her.  Don’t open up your heart to the idea that she’ll finally write to you after all this time just because you had one silly dream.

We both know she’s had dreams about you since you last spoke, but she never emailed you about them.  So what does that tell you?

Just leave well enough alone.

dating tips, relationship advice, dreaming about your ex, life hacks, love, humor, Modern PhilosopherDon’t go through your old photos and emails from her.  Now that she’s back in your mind, you’re going to want to dig out those old photos and emails to keep the memory of her fresh.

Again, stop torturing yourself.  Of course those old emails are going to repeatedly mention that she loves you and never wants to be without you.  The photos are going to remind you how beautiful she is and that the mere sight of her will cause your heart to skip a beat.

Please don’t hurt yourself like this.  If you spend the day reminding yourself of what you once had, and how you pushed her to move away and chase after her dream, you are going to need a lot of therapy to get you back to your kinda, sorta happy place again.

dating tips, relationship advice, dreaming about your ex, life hacks, love, humor, Modern PhilosopherDon’t vow to never sleep again to ensure that you never dream about her.  While the idea sounds both bad ass and terribly romantic, it’s actually stupid.

Remember how you couldn’t sleep once you realized she had vanished from your life?  You were an absolute wreck.  How did you even make it through the work day?

You need to sleep, and while you have no control of your dreams, you can’t live in fear of the fact that she might pop into your late night mind movie again.

It took this long for you to finally dream about her, so logic dictates it will take at least that long for you to dream about her again.

Get your sleep.  You’re a real jerk when you’re exhausted.

dating tips, relationship advice, dreaming about your ex, life hacks, love, humor, Modern PhilosopherDon’t beg Doc Brown to borrow his time machine so that you can change history and make sure that she never leaves you to go to school. While Doc might be a good friend and is often willing to lend you the DeLorean, you know he is against doing anything to alter history.

If you keep pestering him about it, he might decide that you are no longer responsible enough to have Time Travel rights.  That would totally suck because once you’ve started to Time Travel, you never want to give it up.

The past has already been decided, and you encouraged her to leave.  You have to live with that decision and look to the future, which is still an open book.

dating tips, relationship advice, dreaming about your ex, life hacks, love, humor, Modern PhilosopherDon’t tell anyone about the dream.  While your friends might be sad about your being single, they are thrilled that you are no longer moping around because she left.

If you tell them about the dream, they are going to worry about you again.

They know you.  You’ll take this dream to be a sign that the Fates want you to be together again, and you will spiral out of control and attract the dark clouds again once common sense returns and you realize she is not coming back.

The last thing you want to do is tell your 17,000 blog followers that you had a dream about Rachel, and then share that post on Facebook where all your friends and family will see it.

Let it be your little secret.  It will work out much better in the long run.

I hope this advice works for you, Modern Philosophers.  Today, I might have accidentally done everything on this list that I’ve advised you not to do.  Learn from my mistakes.

It was just a nice dream.  The harsh reality is that she’s never coming back…

Follow me on my blog and on Pinterest.  Maybe that will distract me from my dream and get my mind off of Rachel…

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About Austin

Native New Yorker who's fled to the quiet life in Maine. I write movies, root for the Yankees, and shovel lots of snow.
This entry was posted in Dating, Humor and tagged , , , , , , , , , , . Bookmark the permalink.

31 Responses to How To Handle Vivid Ex Dreams

  1. Timely, as ever–I love your writing, Austin.

  2. Louise says:

    Ohh sunshine why are you so right in your advice.?? Been there done all of that lately.. Really regretting the email thi g now…

  3. Well, let us see where to start?

    1st you posted a choice just previously where one of the options was a time machine…listen to yourself; “Don’t beg Doc Brown to borrow his time machine so that you can change history and make sure that she never leaves you to go to school”. You were tired and I bet you thought about her when you posted a time machine option. Ergo go to bed live the option. Being very tired (50 hour work week) and being : “just lonely and horny” leaves you open to temptation, doesn’t mean a thing when dreams play out.

    2nd “Get your sleep. You’re a real jerk when you’re exhausted.” Again, listen to yourself.

    3rd: you have every right to remember a past true love but as you say, don’t obsess.

    MY ADVICE, GIVE YOURSELF A BREAK but leave it be and enjoy the ride.

    Sorry Sat.Nights are so troublesome for you sensei but tomorrow the devil may stop by.
    xxx ooo your friend ~~dru~~

  4. Louise says:

    You know dr phil would say it means you are ready to or already have moved on.

  5. Em Linthorpe says:

    Ha! Oh our dream states like to pull the meanest tricks on us, don’t they? They manage to pull emotions out of the bag we haven’t felt for years, shake them right in front of our face and say “Haha! Have this alternative version of events to suck on!”. Silly subconscious 😦

    • Austin says:

      The weirdest thing is that I dream about my ex-wife quite often. We’ve been divorced 13 years and have no contact, but she’s always in my dreams…

  6. I did wonder if your advice was from experience.

  7. Ocean Bream says:

    This was brilliant! Some great tips here. Dreams tend to be very sneaky sometimes – putting thoughts in one’s head that otherwise wouldn’t have dared enter the mind! Or maybe its the subconscious trying to tell you something…. 🙂

  8. Lisa Orchard says:

    Awww…I’m sorry to hear about the breakup. They’re hard on everyone. But kudos to you for encouraging her to chase her dream. She’ll always have good memories of you. I hope you got out of the house on Sunday and hung out with friends. 🙂

  9. thebeasley says:

    Oh Austin. On the upside, you’ve written a really good blog about it & enjoyed reading it!

  10. Traci York says:

    Great tips, and next time you bump into dream Rachel, be sure to tell her your blog readers say, “thanks for inspiring humorously bittersweet posts like this.”

  11. Silly Mummy says:

    Sounds like very sound advice. Don’t think I’ve ever dreamt about an ex. I did once dream that my then current boyfriend had sold me to a group of Nazi men, and woke up pretty annoyed with him!

  12. Austin, I just started reading your work last week, but MAN! You write the most interesting stuff! Love it!

  13. Thanks for this! my boyfriend of 3 years just broke up with me and I’m having trouble wanting to message him.. no vivid dreams yet, but its good to know someone else’s take on the experience!

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