How Does Trump’s Travel Ban Affect Leprechauns?

St. Patrick's Day, Leprechauns, Trump's Travel Ban, President Trump, politics, satire, humor, Modern PhilosopherSt. Patrick’s Day is quickly approaching, Modern Philosophers, and the question on the mind of most Americans is:  How does Trump’s travel ban affect Leprechauns?

Let’s face it…it’s not really St. Patrick’s Day if Leprechauns aren’t running wild through the streets, spreading their unique version of Irish joy, and luring drunk revelers on wild goose chases in search of their pots o’ gold.

Sure, we could probably manage to have a halfway decent time celebrating St. Paddy’s Day without the mischievous  imps in the green suits, but why would we want to?

Of course, President Trump and his Legion of Wall Builders are dead set against letting any of the “bad ones” into our country, and Leprechauns are known troublemakers.

So what exactly is the President’s view on Leprechauns?  Surely he must love the little guys like the rest of us.  All they want is to have fun, celebrate their Irish heritage, and turn a few bodies of water green in the process.

At the moment, the White House is being incredibly vague about where Leprechauns stand.  Even Sean Spicer, who looks like a Leprechaun who found an old carnival machine and wished he were big, wasn’t showing much love for the guys in green.

St. Patrick's Day, Leprechauns, Trump's Travel Ban, President Trump, politics, satire, humor, Modern Philosopher“The President’s Travel Ban is constantly in flux,” Spicer angrily explained to the White House Press Corps earlier today.  “While Ireland has long been an ally of the United States, and the Irish have a storied history in the building of this nation, President Trump is somewhat frightened of Leprechauns, and doesn’t trust any beings that keep a majority of their assets tied up in gold.”

Sources also tell me that the President is terribly upset that most Leprechauns have larger hands than he does.

“I’m not sure how President Trump expects us to keep the Leprechauns from entering the country,” one high ranking Homeland Security official confessed.  “Not only are they magical beings, but they are also wicked skilled with those shillelaghs.  I wouldn’t want to be the TSA agent on the receiving end of a beat down from a pissed off Leprechaun after that lengthy flight from Dublin!”

There is currently no law in place banning anyone from Ireland from entering the United States as long as the individual has the proper paperwork needed to enter the country.

My source from Homeland Security also confirmed that there are no Leprechauns on the No Fly list.

So why are we even worrying about this?

Because Donald Trump is President!

No Leprechauns were available to comment for this post as they were too busy making sure that Irish eyes were smiling and their pots o’ gold were safe.  However, a spokesman from the University of Notre Dame, home of the Fighting Irish, was happy to talk to me about the positive influence of Ireland’s favorite magical beings.

St. Patrick's Day, Leprechauns, Trump's Travel Ban, President Trump, politics, satire, humor, Modern Philosopher“The University of Notre Dame has worked hand in hand with Leprechauns for over one hundred fifty years.  We will not only vouch for them, but we are also willing to fight for their right to live freely among us.”

If Notre Dame is willing to fight for their right to party with Leprechauns on St. Paddy’s Day, one would have to assume the rest of the country is ready to do the same.

What do you say, President Trump?  Will wee Irish eyes be smiling on March 17th?

The Luck o’ the Irish will be with you always if you choose to follow me on my blog and on Pinterest!

About Austin

Native New Yorker who's fled to the quiet life in Maine. I write movies, root for the Yankees, and shovel lots of snow.
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20 Responses to How Does Trump’s Travel Ban Affect Leprechauns?

  1. tric says:

    I think some of those Irish may be missing the correct papers. Not to worry our Taoiseach will be delivering sham rock on the 17th!

  2. I just love and appreciate this….entertaining, charming, funny…and, underlying point is well made….thanks for sharing 🙂

  3. Ok. I’m pretty new here and I shouldn’t be gushing so soon. But I can’t help it. Chuckles and giggles all over place here. Will take hours to clean up.

    You’ve laid bare yet another series of tangled webs we dare not ignore. (Extra points for spouting something seemingly poetic while retaining its overall meaninglessness)

    I wholeheartedly agree that we need more Leprechauns because they Le’pre-CAN (as opposed to the orange guy who is more of a Lepre-CON)

  4. Louise says:

    Lets hope your favorite irish lassie is let back into the he country. Maybe the “naughty” munchkins can deliver you that pot of special gold.

  5. April Munday says:

    Even the title made me smile.

  6. This made me laugh. Then I was terrified at the thought of no leprechauns for the big day on the 17th. I’m Irish with quite an affinity for the wee ones and willing to join the fight to ‘Make America Green Again!’

  7. The Hook says:

    The poor wee bastards…

  8. I’m pretty sure this is what that head-scratching meeting between Bono and Mike Pence last month was all about.

  9. Pingback: Trump leprechaun ban results in unexpected consequences | Shallow Reflections

  10. it’s well known that the Irish take over a country by magically multiplying their numbers when no-one is looking. One minute there could be one or two of them playing fiddles and accordion, and maybe one dancer doing a jig. If you take your eyes off them for a second there would be hundreds of them dancing the Riverdance or playing fiddles, bodhráns and Uilleann pipes and hundreds, if not thousands of them clapping along. No. I definitely wouldn’t leave one of them, not even a tiny Leprechaun pass through your borders. If it were actually possible to stop the magical little fellas from getting through unnoticed 🙂

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