Let’s face it…it’s not really St. Patrick’s Day if Leprechauns aren’t running wild through the streets, spreading their unique version of Irish joy, and luring drunk revelers on wild goose chases in search of their pots o’ gold.
Sure, we could probably manage to have a halfway decent time celebrating St. Paddy’s Day without the mischievous imps in the green suits, but why would we want to?
Of course, President Trump and his Legion of Wall Builders are dead set against letting any of the “bad ones” into our country, and Leprechauns are known troublemakers.
So what exactly is the President’s view on Leprechauns? Surely he must love the little guys like the rest of us. All they want is to have fun, celebrate their Irish heritage, and turn a few bodies of water green in the process.
At the moment, the White House is being incredibly vague about where Leprechauns stand. Even Sean Spicer, who looks like a Leprechaun who found an old carnival machine and wished he were big, wasn’t showing much love for the guys in green.
“The President’s Travel Ban is constantly in flux,” Spicer angrily explained to the White House Press Corps earlier today. “While Ireland has long been an ally of the United States, and the Irish have a storied history in the building of this nation, President Trump is somewhat frightened of Leprechauns, and doesn’t trust any beings that keep a majority of their assets tied up in gold.”
Sources also tell me that the President is terribly upset that most Leprechauns have larger hands than he does.
“I’m not sure how President Trump expects us to keep the Leprechauns from entering the country,” one high ranking Homeland Security official confessed. “Not only are they magical beings, but they are also wicked skilled with those shillelaghs. I wouldn’t want to be the TSA agent on the receiving end of a beat down from a pissed off Leprechaun after that lengthy flight from Dublin!”
There is currently no law in place banning anyone from Ireland from entering the United States as long as the individual has the proper paperwork needed to enter the country.
My source from Homeland Security also confirmed that there are no Leprechauns on the No Fly list.
So why are we even worrying about this?
Because Donald Trump is President!
No Leprechauns were available to comment for this post as they were too busy making sure that Irish eyes were smiling and their pots o’ gold were safe. However, a spokesman from the University of Notre Dame, home of the Fighting Irish, was happy to talk to me about the positive influence of Ireland’s favorite magical beings.
“The University of Notre Dame has worked hand in hand with Leprechauns for over one hundred fifty years. We will not only vouch for them, but we are also willing to fight for their right to live freely among us.”
If Notre Dame is willing to fight for their right to party with Leprechauns on St. Paddy’s Day, one would have to assume the rest of the country is ready to do the same.
What do you say, President Trump? Will wee Irish eyes be smiling on March 17th?
The Luck o’ the Irish will be with you always if you choose to follow me on my blog and on Pinterest!