The Devil’s Inside (Failed TV Pilot)

The street was lit up like a tree on Christmas morning, only the lights were red and blue, it was the middle of July, and the only thing wrapped and waiting to be opened was inside a body bag.

He approached the epicenter of the ordered chaos in an impeccably tailored suit with his hair slicked back perfectly from his handsome face, looking like he’d just stepped off the runway at a fashion show.

“Good morning, sir,” the rookie cop said nervously as he parted the yellow crime scene tape for the Detective.

“There’s nothing good about it, son, if Homicide is on the scene,” The Devil reminded the young officer.  “My partner here yet?”

Too frightened to reply, the cop simply nodded as Lucifer climbed through the tape and walked towards the house that was buzzing with police activity.

“It’s like Hell in there,” an EMT warned as he walked past on the way to back his ambulance since he was no longer needed at the scene.

“That’s my line,” The Prince of Darkness mumbled to himself as he walked up onto the porch and entered the house.

***

“He here?” I asked the same officer at the crime scene tape when I arrived ten minutes later.

“The Devil’s inside,” was all he said in reply as he wouldn’t even meet my eyes.

My partner had that effect on people.  I was the only one on the force who could tolerate him.

“So nice of you to finally rise from the dead,” Satan admonished when I entered.

Unlike my partner, I looked like crap because it was three in the morning, I’d been asleep when the call had come in, and I had a tendency to enjoy myself with attractive company on Saturday nights when I’m scheduled to be off on Sunday.

“You must have me confused with your former employer,” I quipped as I adjusted my Yankees cap and squatted down next to the body for a closer look.

There was so much damn blood that I couldn’t tell if the corpse had been male or female back when breathing was still possible.  A quick look around the sparsely furnished room revealed that the bloodshed had not been limited to the area on and around the body.

“There’s too much blood for there to be only one victim,” I informed my partner, who glared down at me like I was a major disappointment simply because I refused to mimic his uptight wardrobe choices at the workplace.

“Not bad for someone who just rolled out of bed and stumbled over here in whatever he found at the top of the laundry bin,” The Devil snapped.  “What took you so long?  Did your overnight guest not want to let you leave?”

“Something like that,” I replied with a wink as I stood up and playfully punched him in the shoulder.  “And joke’s on you, smart guy, because I don’t own a laundry bin.”

Lucifer actually gave me a quick sniff as we stood over the body.  “That’s not liquor I smell on you, is it?”

“Just Snapple,” I answered as I studied the blood splatter patterns on the wall closest to our victim.  “I’m sober nine months.”

“Judging from all the blood, we’re at least two corpses short,” The Prince of Darkness stated as he walked over to the shattered window.  “I’d guess the psycho responsible for our early wake up call threw the other bodies out this window, loaded them into his vehicle, and left behind that one so we’d have something to play with when we arrived.”

“Why in the world would anyone do that?” I questioned as I joined him at the window and watched the Crime Scene Techs photograph the glass littered, blood stained lawn.  “Dispatch told me the smashing window woke the neighbor who called it in to 911.”

“It’s not our job to figure out why they do the things they do,” Satan reminded me as he snapped his fingers and his pitchfork appeared in his hand.  “We just need to make sure the bastards burn in Hell for all eternity!”

I nodded my agreement as I stared out of the broken window and into the night.

Somewhere out there, beyond the crime scene tape and flashing lights, our killer was trapped.  You see, there’s no escape from your fate when the Devil’s vowed to bring you to eternal justice…

Writer’s Note:  I’m often asked why I settled on the buddy comedy, hanging out in the living room of The House on the Hill setting for my adventures with The Devil.

As you can see from this writing sample, we actually went to pilot on a totally different idea.  The gritty, buddy cop drama with supernatural elements was our first choice.

However, the network decided all the blood and gore took the attention away from the witty banter that is the heart of our relationship.  Since humor allows for more dialogue, and the single setting cuts down on costs, it was decided to take our working bromance in an entirely different direction.

I hope you enjoyed this little peek into what could have been (I especially liked the idea that my character was very good with the ladies!)…

Don’t forget to follow me on my blog and on Pinterest.  If you don’t, my partner will track you down and make sure you spend eternity in Hell…or at the very least, someplace without WiFi!