The Devil Declines

President Trump, Syria, short story, The Devil, Sundays With Satan Short Story Series, humor, politics, Modern PhilosopherPresident Trump:

Thank you for your invitation to join you for Sunday Brunch at Mar-a-Lago, but I must respectfully decline due to a standing Sunday appointment that cannot be broken.

While a well prepared meal at your favorite weekend getaway sounds tempting, I am not at all keen on the idea of spending any time in Florida this time of year.

If I wanted to deal with that kind of heat and humidity, I’d simply stay in Hell.

As for your second invitation to join your administration as a Special Advisor, I am flattered, but must also decline.

Is your son-in-law not available to fill the position, or have you simply given him too many jobs that the White House HR Department has told you to look elsewhere for employees?

I’ve held up my end of the deal.  I know you think of yourself as a master negotiator, but when we hammered out our agreement, you failed to request any follow up involvement on my part.  Since you have nothing else that I want, I have no interest in being involved in whatever it is you’ve chosen to do with the job I helped you secure.

Please delete my contact information, and make this the last time you contact me.  Unless, of course, you are looking to refer some new souls my way.

Besides, you’ve already got Steve Bannon on the payroll, and he’s about as close as you can get to having the Prince of Darkness as your right hand man without actually having the real thing.  And let me be perfectly clear: I am no one’s sidekick.

President Trump, Syria, short story, The Devil, Sundays With Satan Short Story Series, humor, politics, Modern PhilosopherYou mentioned wanting my advice on how to be a great President.  I am The Devil, Donald, not a miracle worker.  Miracles are my competition’s department, and something tells me that no one from up there is going to RSVP to any invitation originating from the White House.

Since I’m being honest and open, Donnie, let me state that I don’t want to be seen with you.  It would not be good for my image, and I think you’re a horrible human being.

I’ll happily take your eternal soul, but I don’t need to bond with you while you are still among the living.

Good luck.  Keep in mind that how you spend eternity depends a lot on how you treat your fellow humans right up until the moment you show up at the Gates of Hell.

I’ll be watching.

Sincerely,

Lucifer

Don’t forget to follow me on my blog and on Pinterest.  Maybe The Devil will take you to brunch as a reward.

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About Austin

Native New Yorker who's fled to the quiet life in Maine. I write movies, root for the Yankees, and shovel lots of snow.
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23 Responses to The Devil Declines

  1. Phil Taylor says:

    Well done! Enjoyed it!

  2. Pingback: Taste The Rainbow – Free The Truth

  3. Oooo giggle, I knew there was a reason from my soft spot for your Lucifer. Ooops, I mean for Lucifer all on his own. ~~dru~~

    ps. don’t want to offend the devil no do i?

  4. Glenda says:

    I wish I could think of some witty saying, metaphor, aphorism, etc., but I’m not up to the task. What I will say is – hahahaha!

  5. Louise says:

    Dear Lucifer. Love the fact you politely declined the offer to go to the Trumps in Florida but are you not just a little bit curious to see what it really is like inside that compound? I mean do they have real furniture that you can get comfy on , put your feet up on the coffee table/ foot stool or pouffe things? or is it like those home shows and is all angular and white etc. What about the bathrooms would you not like to sniff around and check out ivanka’s and melanias’ cabinets/ shoe closets etc. And there must be a whopping BIG fridge somewhere -surely it would have at least 1 bottle of Snapple waiting for you.
    But like the good adult you are you stick with tradition and turn up to Austins house, like clockwork, every Sunday. AND praise the other ” guy’ we are all so glad you do.
    Otherwise we would not have much else to brighten up the beginning of our weeks, in the salt mines.
    So Cheers Lucifer ( am toasting you with something stronger than Snapple)
    Love you and the boy
    Keep on visiting
    xx

  6. Yes, this is our world now. Sad to say. Every morning I awaken to a new fresh horror.

  7. “I’m the devil, Donald, not a miracle worker.” LOL.

  8. lsgaitan23 says:

    So clever and funny if it weren’t so close to the truth! You are a really good writer, so I hope you’re not in cahoots with the wrong side here! 😉

  9. Silly Mummy says:

    Haha! Love it! I like your devil, he reminds me of the way the devil is presented in The Master and Margarita, which is one of my favourite books.

  10. Jennifer says:

    I don’t know whether to laugh or to cry because it is our reality!

  11. “Good luck. Keep in mind that how you spend eternity depends a lot on how you treat your fellow humans right up until the moment you show up at the Gates of Hell.” -> #Death is Watching too. >:)

  12. Angela says:

    I really enjoyed your memo to The Donald. You are absolutely right, because he is showing that he doesn’t care about the people.

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