Do Monkeys Fear Monkey Bread?

moneky bread, baking, monkeys, humor, philosophy, Modern PhilosopherTonight’s edition of After Dinner Mints, Modern Philosophers, is brought to you by a question that has been nagging at me over the past few weeks…

Do monkeys fear monkey bread?

One of my coworkers makes an awesome loaf (Is that the proper term?  I mean, it’s how you would refer to a quantity of bread…) of monkey bread, and whenever she brings it into the office, the following sort of questions inevitably follow:

Where do you buy your monkeys?

Do you prefer African, Canadian, European, Asian, or American monkeys?

When are monkeys truly in season?

Is it worth it to pay the extra for better quality monkeys, or does the bread just turn out the same no matter what kind you use?

Do you purchase your monkeys shaved, or do you shave them yourself?

Do you buy the monkeys in bulk and freeze them, or do you find the recipe turns out better when you use them fresh?

Have you ever tried to make flying monkey bread, or are you too afraid of the wrath of the Wicked Witch of the West if she finds out what you did?

moneky bread, baking, monkeys, humor, philosophy, Modern PhilosopherDo you think that the apes rose up in the Planet of the Apes flicks because they heard about monkey bread and took the name far too literally?

As a follow up to the previous question, do you think human bread exists in the Planet of the Apes version of our planet?

How do you prevent your kiddos from freaking out when they think that the delicious treat they’ve just eaten was made with Curious George?

How come no one has ever thought to serve monkey bread with a garnish of bananas?

If man evolved from monkeys, what creature do you think will eventually evolve from us and come up with a yummy human bread recipe?

How come you aren’t required to place a “No monkeys were harmed in the making of this monkey bread” sticker on every loaf you make?

Who was the psycho who decided to name something so delicious something so disturbing?  And why are people willing to eat it despite the name?

If we are truly more intelligent than monkeys, why do we ask so many stupid questions about monkey bread?

moneky bread, baking, monkeys, humor, philosophy, Modern PhilosopherPerhaps you can tell, Modern Philosophers, that my new diet and fitness program is starting to get to me a little bit.

I’ve been obsessing about monkey bread all day, but fighting the urge to run out into the jungle in search of fresh monkeys.

I just hope the monkeys aren’t afraid of monkey bread.  I know they are intelligent creatures, but are they able to discern that there isn’t actual monkey meat in monkey bread?  I’m losing sleep over this!

Think good thoughts for me, as mine are clearly a bit too bizarre this evening.

I hope you are able to read this post over the sound of my tummy rumbling…

Don’t forget to follow me on my blog and on Pinterest!

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About Austin

Native New Yorker who's fled to the quiet life in Maine. I write movies, root for the Yankees, and shovel lots of snow.
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29 Responses to Do Monkeys Fear Monkey Bread?

  1. The Hook says:

    I know one thing for certain: I fear monkeys.
    They took over a planet, you know….

  2. Louise says:

    Ha ha ha damn those thoughts are creepy and scary…..eek now when i go to the zoo, nxt, i might miss the primate bit jst in case….lol austn

  3. davidprosser says:

    OK friends, will someone please explain what monkey bread is and why it’s so named.
    Hugs

  4. ksbeth says:

    i just don’t want to bite into a tail! i make it with my class and they love it too )

  5. More questions! Why doesn’t monkey bread need to rise like the Planet of the Apes had to? If you eat too much monkey bread, will there be a War in your tummy tum?

  6. A monkey fears Monkey friend means rocky mountain fears rock

  7. Just because i rock doesn’t mean i am made of stone 🙂

  8. thebeasley says:

    Just wait until you find out Tiger Bread exists 🐯🍞

  9. And why are people willing to eat it despite the name?
    NOW YOU’VE RUINED IT FOR ME!
    What made this monkey write THIS article?
    You’re hallucinating due to lack of food and too much exercise.
    ~~dru~~

  10. Louise says:

    i still don’t get what it is? Please explain!!!! ( quote made famous by one of our politicians Pauline Hanson)

  11. I bake monkey bread all the time because my family devours it. After reading this post, I’m seriously rethinking my choice to live with these people.

  12. Lutheranliar says:

    Monkey Bread! Not to confuse you even more, but when I was growing up (back when the Earth was cooling) I was told that it was called ‘Monkey Bread’ because it resembled the Monkey Tree. But why the Monkey Tree is called that? Well, you’ve got me there.

  13. interesting do monkeys fear bread ? 🤔

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