In response to his plummeting approval ratings, President Trump has made the bold move to hire award winning writer Aaron Sorkin to script the next one hundred days of his Presidency, Modern Philosophers.
“Aaron is an amazing writer,” Trump told the White House Press Corps after growing bored with Twitter. “He almost made Mark Zuckerberg look sympathetic, which is no small feat if you know the guy like I do. He won an Oscar for that, and no one has ever deserved an Oscar more.”
Trump was alluding to the 2010 film The Social Network, which detailed how Zuckerberg created Facebook.
Sorkin won the Academy Award for Best Adapted Screenplay for his script.
“But I didn’t hire Aaron because he wrote about Facebook,” Trump explained. “Facebook is filled with fake news, so I don’t like it. Never use it. And no one will ever accept my requests to play Words With Friends. I asked Aaron to join Team Trump because of the amazing work he did work for my dear friend, Jed Bartlet.”
“Jed and I go way back. I went to his Inauguration. It was lovely. Not as many people as there were at mine, but still a big crowd. Almost huge, but not quite. America loved Jed. They stuck with him through good times and bad. No one blamed Jed when his son Charlie went off the rails with the hookers, the drugs, and the mean comments about Duckie. The country never blamed the President for the actions of his family.”
“I’ve been taking a lot of heat in the press lately. I blame you. Pretty soon, you’ll all be banned from the White House. Until I can figure out how to do that, though, I’m going to have Aaron come in, rewrite the narrative, get my character’s arc back on track, and maybe even figure out a way I can do some action stuff to look like a real hero.”
“Jed Bartlet was beloved mostly because he had Aaron Sorkin plotting out his every move. Until now, I’ve had Steven Bannon doing that for me,” Trump said with a heavy sigh. “I think you are going to see some big changes. My Presidency is going to get a huge boost in the ratings. Maybe even win an Emmy. You all loved Obama. Treated him like he was some sort of god, but Obama never won an Emmy.”
Aaron Sorkin was not available for comment, but according to multiple sources, he was seen laughing maniacally all the way to the bank.
President Jed Bartlet issued the following statement: “I am a fictional character, and it worries me that the President of the United States does not seem to realize that. If he was at my Inauguration, it was only as an extra. And there is absolutely no way that President Trump’s actual Inauguration had a larger attendance than my make believe one. Aaron Sorkin, the greatest writer I’ve ever known, would never have scripted it that way.”
Beleaguered White House Press Secretary Sean Spicer told this Modern Philosopher that he looked forward to working with Aaron Sorkin because “it would be nice to finally know what to say and how to act when I’m up at the podium”.
Spicer was also very excited about the opportunity to meet his idol, C.J. Cregg.
Check your local listings for Sorkin’s take on the Trump Presidency. New episodes cannot come soon enough if you ask me…
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