If I saw that headline, it would intrigue me enough to click and find out more. I’d have to know if there was less of the person because she had lost weight, or she was recently hit by a shrink ray, or because she lost a lightsaber duel and had her legs lopped off by a Dark Lord of the Sith.
All of those things would make for a great icebreaker on a first date, so why not take a chance and at least give the profile a gander, right?
I know what you’re probably thinking. Such odd Deep Thoughts are probably why I’m single. Well that’s not fair. I say my unique way of thinking makes me a real catch.
Of course, I just haven’t yet figured out how to throw myself towards available women to make one of them at least attempt to catch me.
But the mere fact that I’m thinking about creating a dating profile is a step in the “not just sitting home alone all the time expecting that special someone to knock on the door out of the blue” direction.
Let’s be honest. It will take me weeks before I finally decide whether or not I want to give online dating another shot. This is all just witty conjecture to help me think it through while also providing some new material on the blog.
Three straight posts about politics, while hilarious and witty, will start to annoy any audience, so I knew it was time to change it up a little.
Plus, I’m lonely, it’s Spring, love is in the air, I’ve lost all this weight, and I’m feeling more confident.
And I had this really cool dream last night. I was in a packed movie theater and forced to sit next to a very attractive woman. At some point during the movie, our hands brushed, and then she reached out and took mine in hers.
We left the movie together, and walked hand in hand through the park. She told me her name was Merrill Lee, and actually told me, “You know, like merrily, merrily, merrily, merrily, life is but a dream. Just spelled differently.”
She took me to an all night diner, which just so happened to have been featured in the flick we had just seen, and everyone in the place seemed to know her.
And then she kissed me.
She was gorgeous, blonde, witty, and I didn’t want to wake up to discover it had all been just a dream.
So maybe that’s why I woke up anxious to go on a date.
Of course, I’m skeptical of the whole online dating community. I’ve tried it a few times, and the women I’ve met have been a bit odd. Maybe it’s just that they weren’t like the person they portrayed themselves to be in their profiles.
Truth be told, I’d much rather date someone I know through work, or that I was introduced to by a friend. That way, I have a chance to get to know her first, or the mutual friend can fill me in about her.
All my friends claim that they don’t have any single friends. I’m a bit cynical about that. I mean, it could be true as people in Maine seem to couple up in middle school and stay together until divorce.
Then again, the “no single friends” reply could be a polite way of saying that they would never set me up with someone they knew. Which kind of hurts. I know I’m a tad awkward, but awkward is the new cool.
At least that’s what it says on the title image I created for this post, and if you read it on the internet, it has to be true.
As for my online dating profile headline, there is less of me to love because I’ve lost 28 lbs since April 1. It’s done wonders for my self-confidence, forced me to shake up my wardrobe, and made me feel like I might look attractive to the opposite sex again.
Today, I was telling a coworker about something silly Rachel and I once did. It made me realize how lucky I had been to take a temp job and have true love wander into my life.
I’d like to believe there is another Rachel out there, and maybe this time, she’s waiting for me to show up.
During that relationship, I managed to lose fifty pounds and was in the best shape of my life…physically, mentally, and romantically.
So maybe the fact that there’s less of me to love means lightning is about to strike again. Or at the very least, maybe Cupid’s arrow will find my heart one more time.
If you have a single friend that you’d like me to meet, send her to the comments section of this post. I fell in love with a blogger on the other side of the world last year, so anything is possible…