A Bunker Mentality

short story, The Devil, Fourth of July, Independence Day, fireworks, flash fiction, humor, Sundays With Satan Short Story Series, Modern Philosopher“Please tell me why we are in your dark, dank basement,” The Devil insisted as he made a show of pulling out a silk handkerchief and dusting off the chair I’d put out for him.

As always, he was well dressed in an impeccably tailored suit.  This week, he sported a red, white, and blue tie in honor of the upcoming holiday.

He certainly knew a thing or two about style.

Clearly, he did not want that suit going anywhere near the camp chair set up next to the cooler.

“First of all, it’s incredibly hot today, and it’s about twenty degrees cooler down here,” I replied as I removed a bottle of Snapple from the cooler and took a long, refreshing sip.

“Let me buy you an air conditioner if that’s the only thing keeping us from spending time above sea and dust level,” Lucifer pleaded as he eyed the chair like it was an avenging Angel waiting to attack him.

“Secondly, Tuesday is the Fourth of July, and you know I prefer to spend that holiday in the safety of my basement bunker,” I reminded him as I pointed at the empty chair and nodded for him to park his ass in it some time before Labor Day.  “This is my trial run to acclimate myself to bunker life again.”

The Prince of Darkness let out a dramatic sigh and finally sat in the chair.  He closed his eyes as if waiting for the arms to wrap around him before the seat swallowed him whole.

short story, The Devil, Fourth of July, Independence Day, fireworks, flash fiction, humor, Sundays With Satan Short Story Series, Modern PhilosopherWhen that did not happen, he remarked, “Yes, I recall your aversion to all the loud explosions that go off perilously close to The House on the Hill every year.”

While I loved watching the fireworks show that the town provided every year, I did not enjoy the non-professionals setting off explosives in the streets.

This is Maine, not a war zone.

Plus, last Fourth of July weekend was a very difficult one for me.  The Sweet Irish Girl and I had a massive fight, which led to the end of our relationship.  As a result, I was intent on spending the holiday down in my bunker where the world could not hurt me again.

“I find it ironic that I leave Hell only to be forced back down into the torturous depths,” Satan snickered as he helped himself to a Snapple.  “Plus, it’s a little unsettling having your eggheads stare at the back of my head while I’m watching TV.”

short story, The Devil, Fourth of July, Independence Day, fireworks, flash fiction, humor, Sundays With Satan Short Story Series, Modern PhilosopherHe was, of course, referring to the team of scientists that I have on retainer to handle any of the blog’s science issues.  They lived in the basement bunker, but mostly kept to themselves over in the far corner where they worked out ridiculously long equations on a series of chalkboards.

“We’re watching the Yankees game, and they have no interest in sports, so they won’t be bothering us,” I assured him.

The Devil checked over his shoulder, as if wanting to make sure that the nerds in lab coats were, in fact, minding their own business.

“You have a very strange way of spending the holiday weekend,” Lucifer informed me.

“You don’t have to tell me that twice,” quipped the Catholic school byproduct who was currently watching a baseball game with The Prince of Darkness in a secluded underground bunker somewhere in Maine.

I have you all have a wonderful Independence Day, no matter how you choose to celebrate it!

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About Austin

Native New Yorker who's fled to the quiet life in Maine. I write movies, root for the Yankees, and shovel lots of snow.
This entry was posted in Holidays, Humor, Writing and tagged , , , , , , , , , , . Bookmark the permalink.

3 Responses to A Bunker Mentality

  1. Giggle and good luck on your game. Plus good luck with the actual Holiday and non-professional fireworks. I spend my Holiday evening above ground with a hose in my hand and an eye on my shingle roof. Courtesies to the Devil.
    ~~dru~~

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