Zombie Car Rides Again

life, money, cars, humor, Modern PhilosopherMy business managers paid another surprise visit to The House on the Hill today, Modern Philosophers, and I’m sure you can imagine why they decided to pester me.

They reminded me that this is a comedy blog, and that when I write depressing, angry, curse riddled posts about how unfair life is, it is apparently not good for the blog’s bottom line.

They also pointed out that since I leased a new car over the weekend, I need to pay more attention to the bottom line.

Oh what a joy it is to be visited by the men and women in suits, who only care about the money in my bank account, and could care less about the pain in my heart.

Then again, they make an excellent point about three years’ of car payments…

With that in mind, I will attempt to lighten the mood around here a little, but I’m still grieving, and will be for quite some time.

Today, I went to register the RAV4.  After fourteen years of paying $125 to make Zombie Car legal with the state, I knew this one was going to hurt.

Luckily, the financial kick to the junk didn’t hurt quite as much as I’d expected.  I limped out of City Hall with my new registration, the stickers for my plates, and some money still left in my bank account.

Now that Zombie Car was off the tax rolls, I stopped at my mechanic’s the drop off the title.  The plan was for him to arrange to junk the old girl, and because off my current mood, the thought of this made me sad.

life, money, cars, humor, Modern PhilosopherBut I wasn’t going to try to trade her in or sell her.  She was twenty-five years old, on her last legs, and had earned the right to just sit in a junkyard and bask in the sun.

Yes, I was sad to see her go off to retirement, but it seemed like the only real option.

Eric, of course, had other plans.

One of the guys who works for him, some nineteen year old who clearly is a little lost, wanted to buy Zombie Car.

Since he worked for Eric, I had to assume he knew all about the car’s history.  As Jeremy, Eric’s right hand man put it, “The kid has a hard on for that car for some reason.”

So Eric said he would call the junkyards to see what they would offer.

The best the junkers proposed was $125.

Eric said he’d give me $200, and then take it out of the kid’s paycheck.

Truth be told, Modern Philosophers, I didn’t expect anything for Zombie Car.  She served me well, I drove her into the ground, and despite all the stress, she never got me into an accident in fourteen years.

I was thrilled at the idea that she’d still be out on the road.  If the kid wanted to drive her to college in the fall, then I was totally cool with that.  In fact, I was smiling from ear to ear because I liked knowing she would not be rotting away in a junkyard.

So I jumped at the offer, signed over the title, and took Eric’s cash.

life, money, cars, humor, Modern PhilosopherAfter all, this is Maine and there are Zombies everywhere.  Why shouldn’t there be a Zombie Car haunting the roads as well?

It only seems right.  I truly hope Zombie Car brings this kid great happiness and another 150,000 miles.

Plus I’m sure my business managers will be dancing for joy over fact that I temporarily stopped the financial bleeding by plugging the wound with two crisp hundred dollar bills.


About Austin

Native New Yorker who's fled to the quiet life in Maine. I write movies, root for the Yankees, and shovel lots of snow.
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8 Responses to Zombie Car Rides Again

  1. umashankar says:

    Why does that remind me of Christine (as in Stephen King)?

  2. The Hook says:

    Business managers?
    Somebody’s doing all right in the black market bootleg “Golden Girls” sex video business….

  3. Amazing. And maybe just a little scary to think the zombie car will be out there still…

  4. Lutheranliar says:

    Dear Modern Philosopher, never ever forget that comedy is tragedy plus time. Woody Allen said that, though I’m not sure he ‘invented’ it. But what I take away from it is that comedy is closely related to tragedy (well, and if not actual ‘tragedy’, sad stuff anyway). And I’ll read you no matter what.

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