The most obvious change, of course, being the loss of Miss Luna. While I am heartbroken and feel like there is a giant hole in my heart, I also didn’t realize how much time I’d been spending taking care of her.
Obviously, I’d give anything to be able to spend countless hours looking after her again, but I’ve suddenly had to adjust my schedule because she is not here.
Cali has been the lucky recipient of all my extra attention.
But there is so much more going on in my life, and I haven’t had the time to process it because I’ve been walking around in a haze of grieving.
Someone stopped me at work today to ask me how I liked my new car, and it hit me…
I got a new car last week!
I was raised by a very frugal stepmother, and life was always about hand me downs, irregular clothes, and using something until it positively could not be used any longer.
Hell, I still squeeze every last drop of toothpaste out of a tube like it was the very last toothpaste in existence.
Look at the gorgeous interior of my shiny, new RAV4. The steering wheel actually has all its buttons. The speedometer works. There’s air conditioning and a working radio!
Honestly, I am not used to such luxury. I’ve only owned two other cars, and they were both at least a decade old when I’d bought them. Rather than a new car smell, they reeked of sweaty mechanics and used car parts.
For the first time in my life, I have a dependable vehicle, and I can drive virtually stress free and allow my mind to ponder for other thoughts.
It’s been amazing. I’m so comfortable, so safe, and so spoiled. I’ve never been able to flip on the AC on a hot summer day. Or change the stations on the radio by pushing a button on the steering wheel. My car has never warned me if I get too close to the next lane. Nor has it told me exactly how many miles I have left until I need more gas.
I feel like an entirely new man on my commute. To be honest, I mistake myself for someone’s chauffeur because the car is that awesome and I am that relaxed behind the wheel. This is a completely foreign feeling for me, and I love it.
Have I mentioned that the car is black? Then blue? The color changes depending on the light and the angle at which you look at it. Magic car!
How weird is it that I had to be reminded that I had a new car? I still haven’t driven it anywhere other than to and from work, and I think that’s because there is still some residual driving phobia left over from my previous vehicles.
I’ve always been so afraid of my car breaking down, that I’ve never been one to just get behind the wheel and go for a drive.
I think that might change, though. Eventually.
Let’s not get crazy and rush into things here.
Plus, most of my clothes don’t fit anymore, and many of my friends are frustrated with me because I crush them at collecting steps.
It’s like I’m an entirely new person. Sixteen percent of me has simply been sweated into non-existence.
It’s difficult to remember that I don’t look the same, and I sometimes freak out when I see my reflection.
I’m still a little nervous about testing out the new, improved me in the dating pool, but I’m slowly working up the courage to take a dip.
Change has always made me anxious, but I need to accept that change can be good.
The last adjustment I want to mention has to deal with the future. I’ve been worrying about how I’m going to pay for the car, so yesterday, I decided to take a shot in the dark and reach out to my mysterious benefactor.
Yes, Modern Philosophers, I am a big fan of Great Expectations and like to think of myself as Pip from time to time…even though, I’m probably more like Miss Havisham.
Feeling bold, I sent an email to see if there was any news about my screenplays. To my great surprise, there has been a flurry of replies assuring me that we might be close to a deal. And not just on one of my scripts.
How crazy and cool would that be, Modern Philosophers?
It would certainly be fitting given how wild my life has been lately. Why not finally have that dream come true?
I could get used to this new life smell…