Pissing Into The Nuclear Wind

politics, humor, Donald Trump, Kim Jung-un, North Korea, nuclear war, Modern Philosopher“How much sleep are you losing over your blowhard President’s nuclear pissing match with perhaps the only world leader who is less mentally stable than he is?” The Devil asked casually as he handed me an ice cold bottle of Snapple from the cooler.

“I try not to think about it,” I admitted as I accepted the bottle.  “I like to believe that Kim and Donnie are a couple of loudmouths, who like to talk tough, but would never actually back up their words with actions.”

“That’s a dangerous game of chicken, don’t you think?” Lucifer pressed with a devilish grin on his handsome face.

As always, my Sunday guest was well dressed in an impeccably tailored suit.  This one looked like it cost more than the price tag on one North Korean ballistic missile.

“Do you really think anyone would allow Trump near the launch button for the nukes?” I challenged after taking a long sip of iced tea.  “They’d probably give him a remote control with a big red button on it, and let him think he’s launching an attack.”

“And every time he pushes the button, he feels a little prick because he’s also getting a shot of a sedative that will knock him out before he can cause any real trouble,” The Prince of Darkness improved on my already awesome idea.

“We really are screwed if either of those hotheads is serious about proving he’s got the larger missile package,” I observed solemnly.  “I’d like to say that sanity will prevail, but look at the parties involved.”

politics, humor, Donald Trump, Kim Jung-un, North Korea, nuclear war, Modern Philosopher“It’s the end of the world as we know it, and I feel fine.  I believe it was the great Modern Philosopher Michael Stipe who said that,” Satan volunteered with a chuckle.

“I wouldn’t say I feel fine,” I countered.  “I just think that if Trump even tried to start a nuclear war, John Kelly would save the day.  The Chief of Staff would snap into General mode, lock the President in a closet, and tell him he couldn’t come out and play with his gold bricks until he made nice with his counterpart in North Korea.”

“You have an intriguing fantasy world,” The Devil complimented.  “But what happens if the other guy with the freaky hair decides to fire first?”

I shrugged and took a long sip of my Snapple as I gathered my Deep Thoughts.

“I suppose I would take solace in the fact that any missiles fired at us are stamped ‘Made in North Korea’, and are likely to explode above the Pacific, or just fizzle out like a lame fireworks show before they get anywhere near the United States.”

“You seem to be remarkably calm about the potential of nuclear devastation,” Lucifer remarked with a hint of surprise in his tone.  “We’re talking about two madmen here, both with the capability to wipe out life as we know it.  I’d think you’d be slightly anxious.”

politics, humor, Donald Trump, Kim Jung-un, North Korea, nuclear war, Modern Philosopher“I didn’t vote for Trump, and no one voted for Rodman’s buddy, so I’m not going to drive myself crazy over something that isn’t my fault and completely out of my control,” I explained.  “I’m much more concerned about finding a girlfriend.  I’d really like to kiss someone again before the nuclear fire kills us all.”

The Prince of Darkness gave me a troubled look, and then flashed a million dollar smile.

“I’m glad to see you have your priorities straight in these trying times,” he snickered and then burst into a rousing rendition of the REM song he had referenced moments earlier…

About Austin

Native New Yorker who's fled to the quiet life in Maine. I write movies, root for the Yankees, and shovel lots of snow.
This entry was posted in Humor, Politics, Writing and tagged , , , , , , , , , , . Bookmark the permalink.

3 Responses to Pissing Into The Nuclear Wind

  1. Pingback: Sunday Share: Week 38 | All In A Dad's Work

  2. daveyone1 says:

    Reblogged this on World Peace Forum.

  3. RattleSnake says:

    That’s brilliant.

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