How Dating Is Like Trick Or Treating

Halloween, dating tips, relationships, life hacks, humor, Modern PhilosopherHalloween is quickly approaching, Modern Philosophers, so it’s time for a holiday themed Dating Tips post for those of you looking for love.

Like Halloween, dating can be very scary, but a lot of fun.  It’s easy to let down your guard and allow the Halloween Spirit to guide you, but then you could end up on a blind date with Michael Myers (the masked killer from Halloween, not the actor from Wayne’s World).

If you let me guide you, however, your dating experience can be just as safe as going door to door on Halloween to beg for candy from total strangers.

Now that I think about it, dating is a lot like trick or treating.  Let’s explore that now for all the lovebirds out there…

Halloween, dating tips, relationships, life hacks, humor, Modern PhilosopherYou put on a costume.  Just like you do to trick or treat, you put on a costume for a date.  Sure, it might not involve a mask, a cape, or elaborate makeup, but you don’t go out to meet that potential special someone dressed in the same outfit you would wear to bum around the house.

Dating is definitely about making a good first impression, so you had better jazz up the wardrobe for your big night out.

You could venture out in a mask, but that might alert the authorities and freak out your companion for the evening.

Ironically, the early stages of the dating process seem to be about wearing figurative masks and disguising our true selves.  The better the costume, the more likely you are to win a prize, which in this case, would be another date.

So put a little thought into what you wear.  Throwing together a last second hobo costume, like we’ve all done on Halloween, isn’t going to cut it on the dating scene.

And sexy hobo?  Absolutely not!

Halloween, dating tips, relationships, life hacks, humor, Modern PhilosopherSurviving Scary stories.  I’m not sure how trick or treating went in your neighborhood, Modern Philosophers, but when we hit the streets, we liked to keep each other entertained with scary stories.  Of course, we weren’t the best storytellers at that age, but it was a lot easier to freak out a preteen, especially on Halloween when creepy levels are already heightened.

The key was to not let your friends know you were scared, though.  If they could sense it, they would tease you relentlessly for weeks, and make your life hell.

Dating is also about surviving scary stories.  You sit there and listen to your date talk about her exes, other dates that went horribly wrong, and why her friends warned her not to go out with you.

You can’t let her see that her tales frighten you, though, because you’ll never hear the end of it.  You’ll be accused of being a bad listener.  She’ll tell you that you don’t care about what’s going on in her life.  You will spend forever trying to dig out of that abyss.

And she will make your life hell.

So just smile and keep listening.  Even when she moves on to stories about her family, work, and the annoying neighbors.  Be strong.  You can fake it.

Halloween, dating tips, relationships, life hacks, humor, Modern PhilosopherGiddy with anticipation.  Thinking about an upcoming date will fill you with excited anticipation.  You’ll probably lose sleep trying to plot out every detail to make it a perfect night, while also wondering if she is going to like you and want to see you again.

It’s just like the weeks leading up to Halloween.  You’re giddy at the thought of all the free candy you will soon have at your disposal.

You also lose sleep trying to plot out the perfect route to collect the most candy in the time your parents allow you to roam the streets.  Plus, you’re wondering if the candy givers are going to like your costume enough to toss a little extra candy into your bag.

I don’t know how anyone sleeps in the days leading up to a date or Halloween.

No wonder we look like Zombies, but instead of brains, we’re craving chocolate and love.

Halloween, dating tips, relationships, life hacks, humor, Modern PhilosopherHave to put up with (bad) apples.  It would be great if everyone just gave out candy on Halloween, but there’s always  someone who puts an apple in your sack.

And you can’t say anything bad about that apple because it’s still free, it’s good for you, and Johnny Appleseed might rat you out to your parents if you act like an ungrateful little snot.

So you say “Thank you” and pray that the next house has Reese’s Peanut Butter Cups.

Dating is just like that.  You hope every date is a King Size Snickers Bar, but sometimes, you find yourself sitting across from an apple.

And it’s usually not a Macintosh, which would be somewhat okay since it’s your favorite apple.  Not that there’s anything wrong with apples, but when you’re on a date, you’re most likely looking for something to satisfy your sweet tooth.

But you can’t just walk out on the apple, so you just get through the date, and hope the next one is that candy bar you’ve been craving…

Halloween, dating tips, relationships, life hacks, humor, Modern PhilosopherYou see some frightening things.  On a perfect Halloween, you’re going to have the wits scared out of you while you are out trick or treating.

I always appreciated the neighbors who took the time to decorate their homes as haunted houses, or had scary surprises waiting.

Halloween is supposed to creepy and frightening.  The candy is there to make us feel better and to reward us for surviving the scariest night of the year.

I’m sure we have all seen some very frightening things on a date.  I still have nightmares from some of my experiences, and the shrink says I have to keep going out there to face my fears head on if I ever want to conquer them.

So every date is like Halloween for me.

As a result, I always make sure to order dessert at the end because I need something sweet to reward me for surviving another night of horrors.

Halloween, dating tips, relationships, life hacks, humor, Modern PhilosopherExperience a sugar high, and then ride out the stomachache. Every Halloween goes the same way.  You stockpile mass amounts of candy via trick or treating, you quickly devour that stockpile because there is no possible way you can sleep with all that candy calling out to you from across the room, and then you wake up with a horrible stomachache.

While you were on that sugar high, all was right with the world.  You couldn’t get enough, so you just kept shoveling candy into your face hole.

The day after, you regretted your actions.

But when Halloween rolled around again the next year, you repeated the same process.

It’s exactly the same with dating.  You go out, you stockpile all the warm, fuzzy feelings and gobble them up.  Because you want to be happy.  Because you want to be in love.  Because you want to believe you won’t die alone.

Then the next morning, you usually end up regretting it and dealing with the aftermath.  Why didn’t she want to go on a second date?  How come we didn’t click?  Why hasn’t she called?  Why won’t she stop texting me?  Do I need a restraining order?

Whatever the issue, you bellyache over it all day.

But guess what?  You go on another date.  And you keep going because you want to keep shoveling all the feelings of being wanted and loved into that giant hole in your heart.

Halloween, dating tips, relationships, life hacks, humor, Modern PhilosopherYou only do it once a year.  Sadly, Halloween and trick or treating only happen once a year.

I’m not sure why we’re not encouraged to solicit candy from strangers more often, but it probably has something to do with society wanting to limit how much we enjoy life.

The same one time a year rule seems to be true with dating.

At least for me.

And that’s assuming I can even get that one date a year.  Maybe if I wear a mask and go door to door asking for a date, I’d have more luck.

At the very least, I might get some Reese’s Peanut Butter Cups…

Happy Halloween and good luck dating.  Hopefully, there are more treats than tricks in your future!

About Austin

Native New Yorker who's fled to the quiet life in Maine. I write movies, root for the Yankees, and shovel lots of snow.
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12 Responses to How Dating Is Like Trick Or Treating

  1. Lisa Orchard says:

    Great post! I’ve been so busy on Halloween with the kids and there costumes, I’ve forgotten what fun a Halloween party for adults is. Thanks for the reminder! 🙂

  2. ksbeth says:

    be safe and look both ways before crossing the street. (good rules for dating, too )

  3. Lol this is such a fun read!

  4. markbialczak says:

    I wish for you many treats, Austin.

  5. Very cute, Austin…but oh so true. It’s scary out there, (I know) but just like on Halloween, you have to trust that there are still good people out there who are genuinely kind and generous, and who want to see you have a good time and enjoy life. Maybe the next doorbell you ring?

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