Fall Back…Into Hell

daylight savings, turn back the clocks, short story, The Devil, humor, Modern Philosopher“I heard you forgot to turn back the clocks,” The Devil chuckled as he made a big play of checking out the expensive timepiece on his right wrist.

As always, my Sunday guest wore an impeccably tailored suit, which I was certain cost more than my take home pay for the month.

“Luckily, my FitBit and smartphone had my back and adjusted themselves.  For once, I was a fan of technology taking control,” I quipped.

“Before long, The Machines will run everything,” Lucifer announced quite ominously to mess with my head.

I ignored his evil intentions, and instead, reached for a Snapple out of the cooler.

“Once I got out of bed, I realized there were only two clocks in the house that needed adjusting,” I explained.  “The alarm clock on my nightstand, which I never use anymore because my phone has an alarm, and the one on the microwave.”

“Remember when there used to be clocks in every room of a house?” The Prince of Darkness asked with a heavy sigh of reminiscence.  “The times, they are a changing.”

“You’re not going to start singing or continue to make horrible time puns, are you?” I demanded like someone not in the mood for such nonsense.

“Of course not,” Satan answered with a devilish grin that made me doubt the sincerity of his reply.  “It’s clear that this Daylight Savings debacle has you in quite a mood.”

daylight savings, turn back the clocks, short story, The Devil, humor, Modern PhilosopherI didn’t want to linger on this topic, but he had struck a nerve and I now felt compelled to prattle on like a lunatic until getting out all the words made me feel better.

“I hate messing with time,” I stated quite emphatically for the record.  “Unless, of course, we’re talking about time travel.”

“That’s a given,” The Devil agreed as he grabbed a Snapple for himself.

“Winter is already a miserable and difficult time,” I said as I channeled my inner Captain Obvious.  “So why pile on by making it pitch black at four o’clock?  There’s nothing more fun than driving home from work on snowy, icy roads in absolute darkness.”

“It’s an archaic practice that dates back to a time when Americans needed more daylight to harvest the crops,” Lucifer proved that he had once paid attention in History class.  “The Republicans can’t repeal Obamacare, so don’t hold your breath expecting them to get rid of Daylight Savings Time.”

I laughed.  There was always time to poke fun at President Trump and the Republican Party, even when we were messing with the clocks.

“If I’m looking for the silver lining in all this, I could say at least I had power today to make turning back the clock on the microwave possible,” I offered with a smile.

daylight savings, turn back the clocks, short story, The Devil, humor, Modern Philosopher“I almost forgot about the Great Blackout of 2017,” The Prince of Darkness purred.  “Was it the worst Halloween ever?”

“It was a dark time.  A lonely time,” I told him.  “Silver lining, though, it left me five bags of candy to eat myself.”

“And now you have an extra hour today to eat what still remains,” Satan reminded me.

He made an excellent point.  Turning back the clocks was kind of tolerable as long as I could stuff my face with leftover blackout Halloween candy…

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About Austin

Native New Yorker who's fled to the quiet life in Maine. I write movies, root for the Yankees, and shovel lots of snow.
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7 Responses to Fall Back…Into Hell

  1. SD Gates says:

    I still have at least one clock in every room in the house. It is quite a nightmare changing them all back. And even with all those clocks, I still manage to be a bit late wherever I go!

  2. chulai1968 says:

    Just have to adjust my grandfather (or, ‘long case clock’, for the purists among us) and wrist watch, as everything else is automatically adjusted (even the wall clock is one of those ‘atomic’ clocks).
    But, on a related thought, my dear late wife would always complain, twice a year (‘just like clockwork’, if I may interject that into the conversation), that she felt “whacked out” due to the one hour time differential. It always took at least a month for her to adjust to it. I never felt it, but perhaps some out there do……
    Perhaps I’m just an insensitive clod.

  3. Lisa Orchard says:

    Thanks for the chuckle Austin! I appreciate it!

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