I Want A New President For Christmas

Christmas, Santa Claus, Donald Trump, politics, humor, Modern PhilosopherDear Santa Claus,

I know I’m a little too old to be writing to you, and this never worked well when I was a kid, but I refuse to stop believing in the Magic of Christmas.

Plus, desperate times call for desperate measures.

You are probably too busy up at the North Pole to follow the everyday happenings of the United States Government, but you might have heard that things aren’t going too well down here at the moment.

While I’m aware that speaking poorly of others is a great way to land on the Naughty List, I just have to come out and say that our President is a horrible person, a complete failure, and I’m quite frankly surprised that his pants aren’t constantly on fire because he told a humongous lie about making America great again.

Look, I get that being the Leader of the Free World is a difficult and stressful job, but President Trump seems to go out of his way to hurt people, cause trouble, and then lie about what he’s done.

If you don’t believe me, just check his Twitter feed.  It’s like a running confession and manifesto of a man who could care less that you see him when he’s sleeping, and know when he’s awake.

Maybe you could check in with Robert Mueller, and he can give you some insight into his current investigation.  Perhaps Michael Flynn could help you decide whether the President has been naughty or nice all year.

Christmas, Santa Claus, Donald Trump, politics, humor, Modern PhilosopherThe bottom line is that America is nowhere close to being great again.

The only way President Trump could ever deliver on that campaign promise at this point is by resigning.  And he’s never going to do that because he’s having way too much fun telling the world how amazing he is at being President.

So this is where you come in, Santa.

I’ve never stopped believing in you and the idea of Christmas Magic.

Right now, our government is in total disarray.  Our elected officials can’t seem to pass any laws, and when they finally do, it’s something that only helps the rich.  Maybe they can’t get anything done because they’re too busy dealing with investigations into shady practices or sexual misconduct.

Whenever the President opens his mouth, he offends someone.  Quite often, he is speaking poorly of people who have the capacity to terrorize America, or rain down nuclear fire on our once great nation.

Is there any chance you can bring me a new President for Christmas?

I’ve been pretty good this year, and to further prove that point, I will unselfishly share my present with over 300 million of my fellow Americans.

Christmas, Santa Claus, Donald Trump, politics, humor, Modern PhilosopherSo what do you think, Santa?  I don’t want to play the guilt card, but I was raised Catholic, and guilt is my people’s thing.  You never exactly came through for me all those years when I wrote to you as a kid.

Don’t get me wrong, I totally appreciated all the socks and underwear you left for me under the tree, but I don’t recall ever asking for those things in my letters.

All I’m asking for this year is a new President.  It doesn’t have to be the most expensive one, or the most in demand one on the market.  Heck, it can even be a used one (President Obama???) or an almost used one (Bernie Sanders???).

Just as long as it isn’t President Trump.

Thank you for taking the time out of your busy schedule to read my letter.  In closing, I just want to add one final thought…

Help us, Saint Nicholas.  You are our only hope!

Merry Christmas!

Austin

About Austin

Native New Yorker who's fled to the quiet life in Maine. I write movies, root for the Yankees, and shovel lots of snow.
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19 Responses to I Want A New President For Christmas

  1. Dear Santa, this goes for me too.

  2. Dear Santa, if you would so kindly give us a new President, we will be eternally grateful and will gladly supply you with a yearly supply of cookies and milk. 🙏🎅🏻🍪🥛

  3. ksbeth says:

    it’s on my list too!

  4. amoyer2013 says:

    Obama and the left did their best to hurt millions of Americans. Santa saw many peoples request for a new president. Trump. Hands down the finest president of my lifetime thus far. Santa already has a super majority of citizens ready to vote him in for 2020. The media and the left are following the same old patterns. They even think they are going to win big in 2018. They are not RIGHT, but the majority of Americans are. Merry Christmas!

    • vitriolmagazine says:

      Frankly, given the ways in which Trump has alienated his foreign allies, assaulted the healthcare system, and dismissed any concerns about shootings like the one in Las Vegas and supported dangerous fringe extremists like his alt-right chums, I think he’s got a big hill to climb if he wants to be re-elected in three years time. And considering that he didn’t even get a majority in the last election, I think he needs to cross that boundary before you think about the idea of him winning a supermajority.

  5. Janice Wald says:

    Hi Austin,
    You prayed to Santa? I prayed to God.
    J

  6. Good luck for your Christmas present!!
    Merry Christmas. 🙂

  7. The Hook says:

    You’re stuck with Donny for now, dude…

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