Santa Claus has canceled Christmas.
In the official press release, issued just moments ago by Fred Claus, Santa’s brother and Press Secretary, President Trump is cited as the reason that December 25 will be like any other day of the year.
“It is with a heavy heart that I have decided to cancel Christmas,” Fred read from his brother’s statement. “However, after a series of threatening tweets from the leader of the free world, I have decided that it is not only unsafe for me to leave the North Pole this year, but also that there is no place for Christmas magic in a world capable of allowing Donald Trump to become President.”
The War Over Christmas, as it has been dubbed by the press, began innocently enough several days ago when Santa Claus appeared as a guest on a CNN holiday special and answered a reporter’s question of “What are you going to bring President Trump for Christmas this year?” with the one word answer, “Coal”.
Santa refused to elaborate on the answer, other than to remind the reporter that he sees us when we’re sleeping, and knows when we’re awake, he knows if we’ve been bad or good, so we’d better be good for goodness sake.
Of course, he followed that with a jolly, “Ho! Ho! Ho!” so, at the time, it simply seemed like some silly holiday humor at the expense of the man in The Oval Office.
Shortly thereafter, however, President Trump escalated things as only he can. Trump took to Twitter and regaled us with tweets such as…
Too bad @SantaClaus aka #LittleReindeerMan has to pander to #fakenews to feel like he is still relevant. #BahHumbug #CoalisCool
Maybe I should add @SantaClaus to the No Fly List. #LittleReindeerMan could be a threat to national security. Who knows what he has in that bag of his and does he even have a passport? #WMD #ClausForConcern
If #LittleReindeerMan wants to continue to tell lies and spread #fakenews, then I will give him a Winter Wonderland of hell and fury like The North Pole has never seen before. #NuclearWinter #NaughtyList
I guess now we know that he was well aware that he was on Santa Trump’s Naughty List.
Even if he refused to escalate the issue.
But President Trump has continued to use Twitter to air his personal grievances. Mere moments after Santa’s announcement, the President’s thumbs were back at it…
Let’s see how #fakenews spins #LittleReindeerMan’s announcement to make it seem like I worked with the Russians to cancel Christmas #ChristmasCollusion
#LittleReindeerMan can pout and stomp his boots and stay home with the elves this year (what’s that about???) while Americans go to the stores and boost our economy by buying more presents to replace the ones #LRM won’t be bringing #MAGA
While the President was busy threatening Santa Claus on Twitter, I’m guessing some poor White House staffer, who drew the short straw, was stuck with the task of consoling Eric when he found out Santa won’t be coming this year.
It’s beginning to look a lot like Christmas will never be the same again until Trump is out of the White House. Now that Twitter has increased the number of characters the President can use in his rants, there’s a chance we’ll never hear from Santa Claus again.
Merry Christmas, Electoral College. Thanks for making America lame again!