According to the doctor who conducted the President’s annual physical, he is in tip top shape. Clearly, Trump tries to confuse us all by wearing that fat suit every day, but I’m sure he has his reasons.
I bet it has something to do with national security.
The doctor said Trump was 6’3″ and 239lbs. I’m also that height, but there’s no way that the President and I are that close in weight.
One of us needs a new scale.
Or I need to change doctors.
As you know, I have been on a fitness tear since last April when I started my current workout program.
I fun five days a week, push myself to get 20,000 steps a day, and sprinkle in some weightlifting when I’m feeling particularly manly.
By following that regimen, I’ve managed to lose over 60 lbs. I still have a ways to go, but I feel good about my health, the way I look, and where I will be if I continue with this plan.
I am also not at all delusional about my current state of physical fitness.
President Trump has never met a cheeseburger he doesn’t like. But at least he washed them down with Diet Cokes.
His workout regimen appears to be limited to multiple daily reps of demeaning and criticizing people (sometimes on Twitter, sometimes in front of cameras…you know, to mix it up and keep the workout fresh) engaging in excessive boasting, and occasionally working his glutes with spankings from an adult movie star.
Why I am working so hard? This past week, I broke the 170,000 step mark for the first time. In Trump terminology, that number is slightly more than what is needed to pay the aforementioned trainer/adult film star for her silence.
After all, he can’t have her telling the other world leaders about his special workouts.
Something tells me that the Trump version might be conducted at a McDonald’s rather than in a school gymnasium.
Come to think of it, Trump looks more like Grimace than an athlete.
Maybe this will mark the first time students will earn the award for not following the President’s workout requirements.
Or perhaps the awards will now be found inside of Happy Meals.
All I know for sure is that Mexico is going to pay for it.
This is a lot to think about, Modern Philosophers. I’ll probably ponder it tomorrow morning when I get up before dawn to go for a run.
It must be really tough to be President and put in the work needed to look that good…