As always, my weekly guest wore an impeccably tailored suit. Today, he’d added a red tie and pocket square in a fashionable nod to the upcoming holiday.
“Unless you intend to use your dark powers to bring back Rachel or Melissa, I’m going to treat February 14th like any other Wednesday,” I replied defiantly and took a long sip of my Snapple.
Lucifer chuckled. “You know, I could easily arrange for either of those past loves to return to The House on the Hill, and give you the happily ever after you so desperately want and deserve. However, I know the Hopeless Romantic in you would not approve.”
“Isn’t it weird how I want love to happen naturally, rather than by having The Prince of Darkness intervene on my behalf via nefarious means?” I shot back sarcastically.
“I would hardly classify it as nefarious,” Satan countered defensively. “I assume both of those young ladies still love you, and they merely need a little nudge from an interested third party to allow true love to blossom again.”
He flipped the pages of the newspaper as I rolled my eyes.
“For the record, I used to excel at Valentine’s Day,” I informed the being seated at the end of my couch. “Even when I was married, I always crushed it. Of course, I’ve never understood the need for the holiday. If you love someone, you should make sure she knows it every day.”
“Spoken like a true romantic,” The Devil said and put down the paper to applaud. “Then again, your current hatred for the holiday sounds more like sour grapes rather than a case of open-mindedness about how every day should be Valentine’s Day.”
“Why do you have to ruin everything?” I demanded as I snatched the newspaper from his lap and hurled it across the living room. “Can’t you make me feel like I have the moral high ground, instead of pointing out that I’m just some loser who can’t get a date?”
“I’d never refer to you as a loser,” Lucifer assured me. “If anything, you’re unlucky at love. The women around here have no clue what they’re passing up when they don’t go out with you. Regardless, there’s nothing wrong with saying that Valentine’s Day is a stupid holiday created to prey upon the insecurities of couples.”
“You still manage to surprise me, even though the Nuns painted a very clear picture of who you are, and what the world should expect of you,” I said with a laugh as I sipped a little more of my Snapple.
“If you are going to conjure up a special holiday just for lovers, why would you set it deep in the heart of winter?” The Prince of Darkness continued to share his deep thoughts.
“Exactly!” I agreed excitedly. “It should be during the warmer months so couples can go out for romantic picnics, spend time scantily clad at the beach, and not have to bundle up against the elements. Everything about this holiday is wrong.”
“There is no love for Cupid at The House on the Hill!” Satan declared emphatically.
“None whatsoever!” I agreed.
Of course, there was also no love for Austin at The House on the Hill, which probably explained why I was so cranky and bitter.
On the bright side, I’ll be able to brighten my mood by purchasing a ton of Valentine’s Day candy at a deep discount on Thursday, once the stupid holiday has passed..