As always, he was dressed in an impeccably tailored suit that would have earned him a gold medal if the Winter Olympics had fashion categories.
“That’s pretty obvious, so could you narrow it down to what you’re referencing at the moment?” I asked and then blew my nose for the millionth time today.
“We live in a time when no one communicates face to face anymore,” Lucifer clarified as he passed me the tissues. “Everyone uses social media to interact now, and they laugh if you suggest getting together to do something. But here we are, every Sunday, chatting it up like a couple of old school hold outs.”
I was certain he meant that last line as a positive, but it made us sound like a couple of rejects from a time before the internet changed the world forever.
“I see what you mean,” I conceded as I took a long sip of my Snapple. “I’m not a fan of leaving everything to texting, tweeting, and whatever the correct verb is for using Snap Chat. Snapping? Chatting?”
The Prince of Darkness shrugged because he had absolutely no idea what the word was, either. Not that it was an actual word, but another slang term forced into the vernacular by lazy millennials who couldn’t be bothered to use proper English.
“I’d much prefer to be face to face with most of the people I text,” I confessed. “However, if the only choice is social media over no communication at all, I’ve got to give in to peer pressure. The sound of utter silence would be absolutely deafening.”
“There’s no WiFi in Hell!” Satan declared proudly. “My house. My rules.”
I chuckled at my guest’s bravado and then blew my nose again.
“Maybe this is the problem with the world today,” I philosophized as I tossed my tissue into the wastebasket. “No one knows how to communicate anymore except through slang, photos, memes, and emojis. No wonder the place is falling apart around us.”
“What we have here is a failure to communicate,” The Devil emphasized with a smile.
“I’m a writer,” I stated the obvious. “Bending words to my will is my superpower, and yet, I go on that dating website, and I can’t figure out what to write to get a woman to respond. It shouldn’t come down to an awesome profile pic and a perfect email that breaks some cryptic internet dating code to start up a conversation. I should be able to meet a woman face to face, talk to her, and then read her body language and facial expressions to know if I’m doing well.”
I blew my nose yet again and nodded.
“Is a worldwide blackout something you can arrange?” I wondered aloud.
“Just say the word, and The Prince of Darkness will level the playing field for you with the snap of his fingers.”
I smiled and thought about my guest’s offer. A life free of technology did have a certain appeal to it, and I’m probably more handsome in the dark.
Definitely something I’d have to consider in the weeks ahead…