Can’t I Get A Snow Day?

short story, flash fiction, The Devil, snow day, humor, Modern PhilosopherI looked up from my book to see The Devil standing in front of me.

Dressed, as always, in an impeccably tailored suite, my Sunday guest had a devilish grin on his handsome face and held out a bottle of Snapple.

Clearly, if he was bearing gifts, he was up to mischief.

“What did I do to deserve this?” I asked suspiciously as I put down my book and took possession of the bottle.

“I heard that you were once again denied your wish of an adult snow day,” Lucifer answered as he sat down on the other end of the couch.  “Tell me all about how the bad people hurt you.”

Then he flashed that damn charming smile again.  I could understand why so many people traded their immortal soul to the handsome guy in the expensive suit.

He had definitely hit a nerve.  All my adult life, I’ve wanted a snow day.  I’ve been terribly jealous of my friends whose offices closed when we only got a few inches of snow.

I’ve had some delayed openings and early departures, but never an entire day off to just snuggle in front of the fire with a cup of hot cocoa and wait out the storm.

I know I don’t have a fireplace, so no need to point out that fact in the comments.

This is my snow day fantasy, so just let me have it.

short story, flash fiction, The Devil, snow day, humor, Modern PhilosopherSince my company, apparently, never will.

“As you know, another huge blizzard hit Maine this week,” I explained with a heavy sigh as the image of me sitting in front of the fire with a mug of cocoa faded from my mind.  “It didn’t start until after work on Wednesday, but it was supposed to snow all night and then all day Thursday.”

“Yikes!” The Prince of Darkness exclaimed like someone who lives in a kingdom of fire and never has to deal with the annoying white stuff.  “I wouldn’t want to have to go to work on Thursday if it was going to snow for twenty-four consecutive hours.”

“Exactly!” I nodded in agreement and took a long sip of Snapple.  “To their credit, the higher ups sent around an email on Wednesday stating that the work day would be delayed until ten o’clock on Thursday.  We all groaned that they planned to open at all, but I just saw it as the first step in a negotiation that would eventually lead to a snow day.”

“That makes sense,” Satan agreed.  “They wanted to buy themselves some time to make sure the storm was as bad as predicted.  After all, meteorologists are just guessing.  It’s not like any of them can actually see the future.”

“The storm started a couple of hours later than expected, but I still set my alarm in anticipation of having to do a lot of shoveling in order to get the car out of the garage in the morning,” I further explained.  “So even though we had the late start, I basically got up at the same time I would have had I been going for a run.”

“No need to run when you are shoveling snow all morning,” The Devil assumed correctly.

short story, flash fiction, The Devil, snow day, humor, Modern Philosopher“I shoveled for an hour an a half,” I groaned as I recalled the heavy labor of Thursday morning.  “It was snowing so hard that once I’d finished clearing the snow at the bottom of the driveway, I had to shovel the rest all over again.  In all that time, I never once saw a car or a pedestrian on my street.  No one was stupid enough to be out in the blizzard except for me.”

“Because everyone else already had the day off?” Lucifer asked the million dollar question.

“Bingo!” I replied.  “My street hadn’t been plowed since the middle of the night, so I wasn’t sure if I’d be able to get the RAV up the block through all the snow.”

The Prince of Darkness shook his head in disapproval.  “Why would they expect you to go to work if the conditions were that poor?  Even if you made it to the office safely, you’d be stuck there while snow continued to fall and road conditions worsened.”

I didn’t bother to answer that question as the answer was obvious.  I simply drained my Snapple and then fished another bottle out of the cooler.

“After I finished clearing the driveway a second time, I got a text that the office would be opening at one o’clock rather than ten,” I informed my guest, who was clearly hanging on every word of my misfortune.  “A quick check of the weather apps revealed that the blizzard was expected to continue raging until six o’clock.  But we were going to have to drive through it not once, but twice, to work for four hours.”

“That sounds like the kind of plan I would come up with to torture the Damned,” Satan opined as the wheels in his head turned with ideas for a new ring of Hell.  “Again, why put your employees through that?  If you’re already opening that late, why not just close for the day and keep everyone safe?”

short story, flash fiction, The Devil, snow day, humor, Modern Philosopher“I think there should be a rule that if you don’t open before lunch, you don’t open at all!” I growled.  “What better way to win over the hearts and minds of the worker bees than by giving them the day off to play in the snow, and not put their lives in danger by traveling on perilous roads?”

“Maybe you should be running that company,” The Devil suggested and then flashed an evil grin.  The kind that implied he could make that sort of thing happen.

“If I can’t even get promoted in my own department, I don’t think I’ll ever rise to the top of the company,” I grumbled and chugged some more Snapple.

“If you campaigned on the promise of snow days for everyone, I bet the frustrated worker bees would vote you into office,” Lucifer said, thereby betraying that he has absolutely no idea how big companies work.

But I liked that he believed in my ability to be a leader.  It’s nice to know that somebody does.  Even if it doesn’t do anything for my dream of getting a snow day…

About Austin

Native New Yorker who's fled to the quiet life in Maine. I write movies, root for the Yankees, and shovel lots of snow.
This entry was posted in Humor and tagged , , , , , , , , , , . Bookmark the permalink.

3 Responses to Can’t I Get A Snow Day?

  1. ksbeth says:

    here’s to snow days!

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