The Storm That Almost Broke Me

short story, flash fiction, humor, Maine, Modern Philosopher“How was your St. Patrick’s Day?” The Devil asked as he handed me a bottle of Snapple from the cooler.

As always, my Sunday guest was well-dressed in an impeccably tailored suit that probably cost more than the entire contents of my closet.

“Just like any other Saturday, except I wore green and had a corned beef sandwich for lunch,” I replied with no amount of excitement in my voice.

“Was it a lean corned beef?” Lucifer queried with an intrigued raise of an eyebrow.

“Very,” I confirmed.  “It was quite tasty.  I left some in the fridge if you’d like to make yourself a sandwich later.”

“That was very thoughtful,” The Prince of Darkness acknowledged with a charming smile.  “I’ve been craving corned beef lately, but you never have any in the house.”

“Let me point out here that you are welcome to purchase any food you desire,” I informed him with just a tad of sarcasm dripping off the words.  “There’s no need to limit your food intake solely to what happens to be in my fridge and cupboards at the time.”

Satan shot me a look, which I obviously ignored because I was so right and he was a total freeloader and knew it.  He wisely changed the subject.

“I heard you had a rough week.  Something about a meltdown out in the driveway on Wednesday morning…”

His voice trailed off to allow me to fill in the blanks.

I didn’t really want to think about Wednesday again, but it would probably help to vent and clear my head by putting all the bad feelings out into the internet.

short story, flash fiction, humor, Maine, Modern Philosopher“I woke up to fifteen inches of snow,” I shared in something of a low grumble.  “Two hours later, I was still out there shoveling.  The snow plow had left a wall of snow about four feet high at the end of the driveway, and I was too exhausted to clear it.”

“Where was your kindly neighbor with the snowblower?” The Devil asked as he took a sip of his Snapple.

“He hadn’t come out yet, and I wasn’t about to go knock on the door and ask him to help me,” I explained.  “Although, Janine, my neighbor from across the street, starting calling out his name in hopes of coaxing him to join us.”

“Janine is the hot neighbor, correct?” Lucifer asked with a sly grin.

“Yes, she is very attractive,” I shot back with a look telling him to watch what he said because my neighbors did tend to read my blog.

“The later it got, the more likely it seemed that I wasn’t going to be able to make it to work on time,” I continued.  “I threw down my shovel and told Janine I gave up.  I just couldn’t take any more snow, and it was time for me to move to a much warmer climate.  I would come back to deal with the snow wall later after a long nap and lots of brooding. ”

“Why did this storm break you, after you’ve survived so many others?” The Prince of Darkness asked with sincere concern.

I just shrugged and took a long sip of my Snapple.

short story, flash fiction, humor, Maine, Modern Philosopher“I was just so exhausted,” I attempted to find the words.  “It was the second huge blizzard in less than a week, and I was running out of places to put the snow.  I was also pissed that my work wasn’t pushing back opening to give me more time to deal with such an ungodly amount of the annoying white stuff.”

“Clearly you didn’t pack up and move, so what happened?” Satan pushed me to finish the story.

“Mark finally came out with the snowblower, and even then, it took us another half hour to clear that wall of snow,” I replied.  “It was too high and too packed for the blower, so I had to break it up first with my shovel.”

“And that was enough to make it all better?” The Devil pressed with some suspicion.

“I’m not really sure why I freaked,” I confessed.  “Like you said, I’ve been dealing with blizzards for over a decade now.  Maybe it’s just because we’re so close to Spring, and I had foolishly convinced myself that the worst of Winter was already behind us.”

“You’re always telling me that Maine’s calendar for the seasons is different from that of the other forty-nine states,” Lucifer used my own words against me.

“That doesn’t mean a guy can’t want warm and sunny weather to return,” I shot back at him more because I was mad at Winter for lingering, than I was at him for being annoying.

“Hey, if you want an eternal heatwave, I can arrange that with no problem whatsoever,” The Prince of Devil pointed out with a devilish smile on his handsome face.

While the offer was tempting, and Maine did seem like Hell during certain points of The 182 Days of Terror otherwise known at Winter, I decided to pass.

short story, flash fiction, humor, Maine, Modern PhilosopherAfter all, April will be here in two weeks, the baseball season is about to begin, and rumor has it the sun plans to return shortly.

Yes, I wanted to run screaming from Maine earlier this week, but I have since come to my senses.  The House on the Hill is my home, and just like everything else in life, I have to learn to take the good with the bad.

But if that could be the last blizzard of the season, my sanity would be eternally grateful.

Life in Maine is often snowy, but I do love it here…

About Austin

Native New Yorker who's fled to the quiet life in Maine. I write movies, root for the Yankees, and shovel lots of snow.
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10 Responses to The Storm That Almost Broke Me

  1. ksbeth says:

    and we are due for another snow here next weekend!

  2. It sounds like you and the Dark One had quite the conversation. Just to let you know…we have snow in parts of the South but not so dramatic so often. 🙂 My area got snow on Wednesday but it was over and done within 3 hours. We have a prediction for some more this week as well. Craziness!

  3. stomperdad says:

    Much like Nova Scotia we get more snow in March than in February. It’s winter storming back in with more to argue about.

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