Trump’s staffers decided to make the annual White House Easter Egg even more difficult by having it take place in the President’s hair, rather than on the White House lawn.
“Sure, it’s a lot less ground to cover, but have you ever been in President Trump’s hair?” asked one of the newer staffers, who had recently replaced one who had been fired, who in turn had taken over for someone else who had been fired before that.
“His hair is like a labyrinth from a horror movie,” the staffer continued with a gleeful smile on her brainwashed face. “There’s no way out, and there are things up there with you that really want to kill you. It’s super intense!”
Sounds like exactly what the Easter Bunny had in mind when he first asked President Rutherford B. Hayes to let local children search for colored eggs on the White House lawn.
For all we know, President Trump is making the kids pay for the Easter Egg Hunt.
The event was held this morning, and there is no official word yet on how many kiddos participated. As expected, though, Trump has already tweeted that attendance was higher than either of Obama’s Inaugurations, as well as the last seven Super Bowls combined.
Rumor has it that an investigation is already underway to determine if the Russians influenced the outcome of the hunt in any way.
Facebook has vehemently denied that it provided maps with the location of all the eggs to Russian spies posing as American children.
Emergency medical crews were standing by in case any of the participants got so lost in the President’s comb over that they could not find their way back to safety.
Fox News was scheduled to broadcast the event live from inside the President’s hair, but the channel’s lawyers would not allow it.
With most of the Fox News team already so far up the President’s rear end, the lawyers clearly did not want to lose another batch of employees to the other end of Trump.
First Daughter Ivanka Trump was the only one allowed to hide the eggs for today’s hunt.
While it was previously reported that the Secret Service had prohibited the Easter Bunny from accessing the President’s hair and head to place the eggs, Chief of Staff John Kelly later clarified that the decision was solely President Trump’s.
According to Kelly, Ivanka is the only person the President will allow to run her fingers through his hair without having to first sign a non-disclosure agreement.
When reporters asked Kelly why Trump was then allowing children to rummage through the Presidential ‘do in search of Easter Eggs, the Chief of Staff simply shrugged and replied, “I’ve given up trying to figure out why President Trump does the things he does.”
A little chocolate and marshmallow therapy might be exactly what he needs. In fact, it might be what we all need right about now, Modern Philosophers. Happy Easter!