Roseanne Cures My Small Talk Conundrum

Roseanne, humor, small talk, Modern PhilosopherIt is no secret, Modern Philosophers, that I am socially awkward.  This quirky introvert does not do well with large groups, small groups, or one on one situations.

I do my best to avoid being around people because it usually just leads to an uncomfortable situation and my wishing that I was alone.  Again.  Naturally.

Regardless of my desire to just stay safe and sound in the basement bunker of The House on the Hill, real life dictates that I must go out and interact with others.

Today was one of those unavoidable situations.  I needed a haircut.

And getting a haircut means suffering through the inevitable small talk.

I try to keep up my end of the conversation.

But I’m just so awkward that it’s all very painful for me.

I’m not trying to be rude or weird, but it would probably be better for all parties involved if I was sedated for the process.

The woman who cuts my hair (let’s call her Lana for the sake of this post) is super nice and very chatty.  She probably feels like she needs to pry the words out of me, and for that inconvenience, I always tip her well.

Today, however, things were surprisingly different.

Lana kicked off the process with some questions about whether my screenplay was getting made.  I didn’t really have any answers, but did my best to update her.

Roseanne, humor, small talk, Modern PhilosopherShe then segued into how surprised she was that Roseanne had gotten canceled because she genuinely enjoyed the show.

It was like a light bulb went off in my mind because I suddenly went into chatterbox mode and talked her ear off on the topic.

I actually had an opinion, insights, and data to keep up my end of the conversation.

I hadn’t watched the revival of Roseanne during the season, but I had just watched the first few episodes via the On Demand channel on my cable.  Now that there are no new shows to watch, I need something to distract me while I eat dinner.

So Roseanne it was.  I’d enjoyed the show back in the day during its original run, and was curious to see if the reboot was any good.

I’d been pleasantly surprised by the return of Will & Grace, so I was hoping for the same things from the return of Roseanne & Dan.

Plus, I’d been intrigued by what I’d heard about the pro-Trump themes, and President Trump’s tweeting about how great the show was.

Trump, Roseanne, humor, small talk, Modern PhilosopherYou know me…always eager for anything that shines a positive light on Trump.

I thought the show was decent.  Not as funny as the first time around.  It was a little too Trumpy for my taste, and the episode about Roseanne thinking her new Muslim neighbors were terrorists seemed a harbinger of things to come.

But I enjoyed seeing the old characters back, and learning what had happened to them since we last invaded the Conner home.  I needed to know if David had run off to California to be a scientist.  I liked how they worked Sarah Chalke into the story so both Beckys could have a job.

What surprised me, though, was that the show was still available on demand even after ABC had announced its cancellation.  I thought for sure it would be gone.  Perhaps this was a mere oversight?

Anyway, I had plenty to talk about with Lana.  I was stunned that ABC would yank a high rated show and put so many people out of work, but also understood why they felt that it was the right thing to do.

We discussed that Roseanne does have the right to free speech, but she is also a public figure who has to realize that people have a much louder voice now via social media to disagree than they did back when she was mangling the National Anthem.

I told Lana that I never understood it when celebrities did something controversial.  They know all eyes are on them.  Social media is everywhere.  The paparazzi stalks them.  Nothing gets missed.

Roseanne, humor, small talk, Modern PhilosopherWhy would you ever say something that divisive when your career really depends on people liking you and wanting to spend money to watch you do your celebrity thing?

Everyone is entitled to an opinion, but there’s no need to share it on social media and welcome the world to disagree with you, call you out, and label you a monster.  Why tweet horrible things and risk upsetting the apple cart that is your celebrity life?

So this was a big win for me.  I’d made enough small talk to cover my next couple of haircuts.  Lana had played the role of me and just chipped in a little comment here and there, but I was the one dominating the conversation.

To my amazement, though, I pushed on to a related topic.  I wanted to discuss what had happened behind the scenes on Lethal Weapon.

Lana admitted to not watching the show, but I must come clean and confess that Lethal Weapon is one of my faves.  I was a big fan of the movies, and I liked how the franchise had been adapted to the small screen.

So much action.  And the chemistry between the leads was awesome.

But apparently, that was the power of acting.

I was stunned to learn that Clayne Crawford, who played Riggs, had been fired because of his behavior and some incidents on set.

Lethal Weapon, Roseanne, humor, small talk, Modern PhilosopherApparently, Damon Wayans, who plays Murtaugh, and Crawford did not get along.

They were not buddies in real life.  From what I read, they maybe disliked each other.  So much so, that one of them had to go in order to save the show.

I told Lana I did not understand how an actor could blow a nice paying gig on well rated TV series.  So many actors would do anything for the chance, so why screw it up with that kind of behavior when you are lucky enough to get that one in a million shot?

I pointed out that I would do anything for a chance to write full time, and if that ever happened, I would never go all Roseanne or Clayne on the opportunity.

I just don’t get it.  Why would you slay the golden goose?

And if the answer is so that people like me can make small talk, then that’s just ridiculous!

About Austin

Native New Yorker who's fled to the quiet life in Maine. I write movies, root for the Yankees, and shovel lots of snow.
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13 Responses to Roseanne Cures My Small Talk Conundrum

  1. lydiaschoch says:

    Interesting! This whole time I’ve known you I’ve been picturing you as someone who always has something witty to say in real life.

    The fact that you’re quiet and not the life of the party is pretty cool. I’m the same way.

    And I have no idea why any actor would purposefully mess up a high-paying gig. If I had that opportunity, I’d stay squeaky clean and make as much money from that show – and any further jobs that arose from it – as possible

    • Austin says:

      I always have something witty to say, but often times, it comes across the wrong way, it’s not as witty as I think it to be, or someone gets upset. So I just keep to myself. It is nice to know you have a better image of me than reality. 🙂

  2. Suzy says:

    I think at some level we are all like that. What interests us makes us good conversationalists what doesn’t keeps us silent. Hairdressers are very chatty!

  3. markbialczak says:

    My guess is that they don’t think it out, they just act it out, Austin.

  4. Diane says:

    I hate the small talk in the stylist’s chair. You’re comfortable. Someone is playing with your hair. Then you have to make the effort to talk?! Ugh. My Mama taught me years ago that “It’s nice to be important, but more important to be nice”. She lived that every day of her life. I’m always surprised when people don’t follow my Mama!

  5. Haircuts should be accompanied by scotch and silence.

    • Austin says:

      I like the idea of silence, but I’m not sure how I feel about a person with a scissors and razor drinking scotch while she attends to my hair… 🙂

  6. 16eparis says:

    FYI:…when getting haircuts – one does ‘not’ always ‘have to talk’ – …You know, there is something called ‘silent customers’ – and this is me – and no, its ‘not’ awkward – not at all – often, i will almost fall asleep – its like a time to ‘relax’ – for me at least…. btw, my stylist is from Tolouse, France – he’s been doing my hair for 20 yrs or just about – and well, no need to worry about ‘someone with scizzors

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