That’s far too obvious to hide, even from people who have been brought into my life via the magic portal that is the internet.
I have been making an effort to face some of my fears, though.
This past Winter, I made serious progress with my fear of driving in snow. Recently, I tried to face my fear of living in a world where Donald Trump is President, but that didn’t go very well, and I had to scurry down to the basement bunker of The House on the Hill to hide for a few days.
The thing is, when I finally do face a fear and have a positive outcome, there’s no one around with whom I can share my excitement.
Sure, the interns are always moping around the place, but all they care about is getting their college credit and tapping me of my knowledge about how to be a great blogger. They simply roll their eyes and scratch their scraggly beards when I try to share a personal success story.
Thankfully, you guys tend to read what I post on my blog. So in my mind, that means you take some interest in my silly stories about my conquering another peculiar fear.
Today, it was the fear of driving someplace I’ve never been.
Once again, driving fuels my phobia. Being afraid to drive somewhere new means I’m really limited in the places I can go. Which, in turn, means I can’t meet new people, experience new things, or behave like a “normal” person.
I blame this all on growing up in New York and never needing to know how to drive because I could take public transportation or walk everywhere.
Today’s destination wasn’t very far from home. I had a general idea of where it was, but no clue how to get there.
Instead of my usual panic, I decided to be rational and ask a friend for directions. They weren’t very exact, which is worrisome to someone with my fear, but they gave me a better idea of where I was going.
Before you ask, my new car does not have GPS. Nor does it take me to my desired location when I shout commands at it.
The realization of that last one was a real let down. Alas, I will never be Michael Knight.
On a positive note, I did not obsess over this morning’s drive all weekend, which is my usual m.o. for such a scenario. I considered going for a test drive on Sunday to see if I could get to the destination, but I told myself that was ridiculous.
I’m a grown man with a dependable vehicle and something that resembles a sense of direction. My destination was fairly close to the Police Station, so I knew I could always go there for help if I ended up desperately lost.
I thought about going back onto Google Maps again this morning, but talked myself out of it. That would just be feeding my fear. I had to trust that I had this under control, knew where I was going, and didn’t need to keep looking for help.
My one concession to my phobia was to leave early, which would allow me plenty of time to find my way should I (inevitably) get lost.
I didn’t get lost. Proof that miracles happen.
Sure, I almost missed the turn off, but I was going super slow down the main road and caught sight of the street sign before I passed it.
Thankfully, there was no traffic behind me, which might have increased my anxiety and caused me to drive on past the road I needed.
Of course, I’m not suddenly going to seek out new driving destinations, but each time I successful navigate a new journey, I take away some of that fear’s power of me.
Or baby drives. It’s still progress.
Thanks for allowing me to share.