A Lesson In Humidity

running, health, fitness, Maine, humor, Modern PhilosopherI learned a couple of important lessons on this last day of June, Modern Philosophers:

I’m not a fan of engaging in strenuous physical activity when it’s severely humid.

I didn’t learn anything from that first lesson.

Let me clarify a little because if I don’t, it might leave you somewhat confused, and it would certainly leave this blog post far too short for publication.

I can’t allow either thing to happen on my watch.

I awakened this morning, well aware that it was going to be a scorcher.  With that in mind, I decided to get out early for my run so that I could take advantage of temperatures that weren’t quite yet hot enough to melt human flesh.

However, I tend to be a bit of a morning run procrastinator on weekends.  I’m never quite in the mood to hit the road, and everything on the internet is exponentially more enticing when playing with it keeps me from running.

By the time I finally got my lazy butt outside, the temps had risen well into the seventies, and the humidity was something like 250%.

But since I am a total running bad ass these days, I did not back down from the challenge awaiting me.  I just told myself to take it slow and steady because of all the ways there were to die, kicking the bucket from heat stroke at the side of the road was definitely not one of the more glamorous options.

I tried to distract myself by mentally outlining the next scene in my screenplay.  That worked for a while, but I soon got stuck at a point where all my characters were sweating profusely and could no longer speak because they were chugging water.

That was when the Deep Thoughts started to flood my overheating brain.  That, in turn, inspired me to stop and take this photo…

running, health, fitness, Maine, humor, Modern PhilosopherThe Deep Thought that inspired this photo was something along of lines of: I’m not sure what the future holds for me, but judging from this view of the road ahead, it seems very welcoming and peaceful.

That’s what happens when the humidity penetrates my skull and seeps into my brain.  My Deep Thoughts become so mushy that even Hallmark would reject them.

Despite the horrible effects of the weather on my mind, body, and soul, I managed to make it back to The House on the Hill alive.

I’d manage to run five miles in a pretty decent time.

Somewhere along the line, probably after mile four when the heat was really working me over and everything became a bit of a blur, I stopped to pose for a photo with a boat.

Seriously.  Why would I make up something like that?

You still don’t believe me?

Fine.

running, health, fitness, Maine, humor, Modern PhilosopherDo you believe me now???

I told you I wasn’t lying.

As I said earlier, I learned nothing from my five mile jaunt across the great Maine desert because I decided to mow the lawn.

As you can see from the first photo in this post, that did not end well.

I was absolutely soaked in sweat.  I have no idea how my body managed to produce so much perspiration.  All I can theorize is that it sent out an emergency call to borrow sweat from other bodies.  So if you’re a little short on sweat today, it’s probably my fault.

Don’t worry.  I will pay you back.

Someday.  When my body is finally able to produce fluids again.

And the humidity isn’t life threatening.

Needless to say, I won’t be doing much for the rest of the day other than writing out here on the shady porch.

I might not have learned my lesson in humidity the first time around, but I can assure you I have mastered it by now…

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About Austin

Native New Yorker who's fled to the quiet life in Maine. I write movies, root for the Yankees, and shovel lots of snow.
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5 Responses to A Lesson In Humidity

  1. markbialczak says:

    I’ve decided to let the lawn go long this weekend, Austin. I think it needs a break in the heat as much as I do!
    OK, looking closely, I have a question about your peaceful roadside photo. Is that a rather large critter getting ready to cross the road?
    If so …
    Be careful, running and driving!

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