My Journey To The Dark Ages

Dark Ages, time travel, blackout, humor, Modern PhilosopherWhile I am obsessed with time travel, there is no way I would choose to journey back to The Dark Ages when I finally get my time machine working, Modern Philosophers.

That being said, I somehow found myself back in The Dark Ages this morning, for a very uncomfortable ninety minutes.

And I was not pleased.

Let’s back it up a little, without the use of time travel, to explain how I found myself on this most unwanted journey.

I woke up to the sound of silence.

Actually, it was the air conditioner’s sudden silence that roused me from my slumber.  I had been so cozy under the top sheet with the AC’s hum providing a chilling lullaby.

Then it was too quiet.  And warm.

Half asleep, I trudged from the bed to the window in an attempt to fix the new miracle machine that had finally allowed me to find sleep during a hot, humid summer.

As if I could have fixed it were I wide awake and had a box of tools at my disposal.

Doc Brown, time travel, blackout, humor, Modern PhilosopherI am no Doc Brown, Modern Philosophers.  I’m not at all mechanically inclined, and the only bright idea that would ever come to me if I were to fall off the toilet is that I needed to get to the emergency room immediately to see if I had broken my brain.

I hit the power button a few times.  Tried the reset button.  Even gave the AC a good tap.

Much to my chagrin, I was unable to fix expensive, brand new air conditioner.

That was when my phone chirped.  It was a text from my neighbor asking if my power was out, too.

Eureka!  There might be a solution to my quandary.

I tried the bedroom and hallway lights.  Nothing.

It was a blackout.

I was stuck in The Dark Ages in the twenty-first century.

My first thought was to open all the windows and allow some cool morning air into The House on the Hill in case it would be hours before I could chill the air with machines.

After that, I remembered that I’d gone grocery shopping yesterday.  I said a silent prayer that the power would return before everything in the fridge had to be trashed.

Dark Ages, time travel, blackout, humor, Modern PhilosopherSince I didn’t feel like sitting around churning butter all morning, I went for a walk.

Might as well collect some steps and work up a sweat while the electric company got to work on rescuing us from The Dark Ages.

It was reassuring to see the traffic lights out as I wandered the streets.  That meant it was a bigger problem than just my block, and the lack of traffic lights was a public safety issue, which would compel them to work faster to fix whatever the hell had gone wrong.

So why had the lights gone out?

Didn’t I see something on Colbert this week about the Russians hacking into our power grid?  Were we under attack?  Were the Russians testing out their blackout strategy with a preliminary run in Maine?

Thanks, President Trump.

As I headed back to The House on the Hill, now an hour and a half into my time in The Dark Ages, I noticed that the traffic light across from the town pool was working.

So was the billboard at The Auditorium.

Hallelujah!  We were back in modern times!

I rushed home and was never more delighted to see the clock blinking on the microwave.  I quickly set it back to twenty-first century time, and then turned on the ceiling fan.

Hopefully, I’ll never find myself suffering through life in The Dark Ages again…

About Austin

Native New Yorker who's fled to the quiet life in Maine. I write movies, root for the Yankees, and shovel lots of snow.
This entry was posted in Humor and tagged , , , , , , , , , . Bookmark the permalink.

2 Responses to My Journey To The Dark Ages

  1. I always get nervous over the grid going out — for short or long time. We’re so vulnerable.

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