That being said, I somehow found myself back in The Dark Ages this morning, for a very uncomfortable ninety minutes.
And I was not pleased.
Let’s back it up a little, without the use of time travel, to explain how I found myself on this most unwanted journey.
I woke up to the sound of silence.
Actually, it was the air conditioner’s sudden silence that roused me from my slumber. I had been so cozy under the top sheet with the AC’s hum providing a chilling lullaby.
Then it was too quiet. And warm.
Half asleep, I trudged from the bed to the window in an attempt to fix the new miracle machine that had finally allowed me to find sleep during a hot, humid summer.
As if I could have fixed it were I wide awake and had a box of tools at my disposal.
I am no Doc Brown, Modern Philosophers. I’m not at all mechanically inclined, and the only bright idea that would ever come to me if I were to fall off the toilet is that I needed to get to the emergency room immediately to see if I had broken my brain.
I hit the power button a few times. Tried the reset button. Even gave the AC a good tap.
Much to my chagrin, I was unable to fix expensive, brand new air conditioner.
That was when my phone chirped. It was a text from my neighbor asking if my power was out, too.
Eureka! There might be a solution to my quandary.
I tried the bedroom and hallway lights. Nothing.
It was a blackout.
I was stuck in The Dark Ages in the twenty-first century.
My first thought was to open all the windows and allow some cool morning air into The House on the Hill in case it would be hours before I could chill the air with machines.
After that, I remembered that I’d gone grocery shopping yesterday. I said a silent prayer that the power would return before everything in the fridge had to be trashed.
Might as well collect some steps and work up a sweat while the electric company got to work on rescuing us from The Dark Ages.
It was reassuring to see the traffic lights out as I wandered the streets. That meant it was a bigger problem than just my block, and the lack of traffic lights was a public safety issue, which would compel them to work faster to fix whatever the hell had gone wrong.
So why had the lights gone out?
Didn’t I see something on Colbert this week about the Russians hacking into our power grid? Were we under attack? Were the Russians testing out their blackout strategy with a preliminary run in Maine?
Thanks, President Trump.
As I headed back to The House on the Hill, now an hour and a half into my time in The Dark Ages, I noticed that the traffic light across from the town pool was working.
So was the billboard at The Auditorium.
Hallelujah! We were back in modern times!
I rushed home and was never more delighted to see the clock blinking on the microwave. I quickly set it back to twenty-first century time, and then turned on the ceiling fan.
Hopefully, I’ll never find myself suffering through life in The Dark Ages again…