My Journey To The Dark Ages

While I am obsessed with time travel, there is no way I would choose to journey back to The Dark Ages when I finally get my time machine working, Modern Philosophers.

That being said, I somehow found myself back in The Dark Ages this morning, for a very uncomfortable ninety minutes.

And I was not pleased.

Let’s back it up a little, without the use of time travel, to explain how I found myself on this most unwanted journey.

I woke up to the sound of silence.

Actually, it was the air conditioner’s sudden silence that roused me from my slumber.  I had been so cozy under the top sheet with the AC’s hum providing a chilling lullaby.

Then it was too quiet.  And warm.

Half asleep, I trudged from the bed to the window in an attempt to fix the new miracle machine that had finally allowed me to find sleep during a hot, humid summer.

As if I could have fixed it were I wide awake and had a box of tools at my disposal.

I am no Doc Brown, Modern Philosophers.  I’m not at all mechanically inclined, and the only bright idea that would ever come to me if I were to fall off the toilet is that I needed to get to the emergency room immediately to see if I had broken my brain.

I hit the power button a few times.  Tried the reset button.  Even gave the AC a good tap.

Much to my chagrin, I was unable to fix expensive, brand new air conditioner.

That was when my phone chirped.  It was a text from my neighbor asking if my power was out, too.

Eureka!  There might be a solution to my quandary.

I tried the bedroom and hallway lights.  Nothing.

It was a blackout.

I was stuck in The Dark Ages in the twenty-first century.

My first thought was to open all the windows and allow some cool morning air into The House on the Hill in case it would be hours before I could chill the air with machines.

After that, I remembered that I’d gone grocery shopping yesterday.  I said a silent prayer that the power would return before everything in the fridge had to be trashed.

Since I didn’t feel like sitting around churning butter all morning, I went for a walk.

Might as well collect some steps and work up a sweat while the electric company got to work on rescuing us from The Dark Ages.

It was reassuring to see the traffic lights out as I wandered the streets.  That meant it was a bigger problem than just my block, and the lack of traffic lights was a public safety issue, which would compel them to work faster to fix whatever the hell had gone wrong.

So why had the lights gone out?

Didn’t I see something on Colbert this week about the Russians hacking into our power grid?  Were we under attack?  Were the Russians testing out their blackout strategy with a preliminary run in Maine?

Thanks, President Trump.

As I headed back to The House on the Hill, now an hour and a half into my time in The Dark Ages, I noticed that the traffic light across from the town pool was working.

So was the billboard at The Auditorium.

Hallelujah!  We were back in modern times!

I rushed home and was never more delighted to see the clock blinking on the microwave.  I quickly set it back to twenty-first century time, and then turned on the ceiling fan.

Hopefully, I’ll never find myself suffering through life in The Dark Ages again…