The Highly Anticipated Return of the Sunday Rejects

It’s been a long time, Modern Philosophers, since I’ve shared some of my monologue jokes with you.

Now that we’ve survived Election Day, I thought we might celebrate by welcoming the Sunday Rejects back to the blog.

As you know, I wrote a multitude of monologue jokes for every taping of The Nite Show With Danny Cashman, but only a chosen few make it onto TV.

I’m proud to say that at this week’s taping, the first two jokes Danny told were written by me.  In fact, I had come up with one of them just that morning on my run.

Here are a few of the jokes that didn’t make the cut.  I worked very hard on them, so it only seems fair that someone should get to enjoy them.  I present The Sunday Rejects:

Election Day was Tuesday.  The numbers are still coming in, but at this point, it looks like actual registered American voters outnumbered Russian hackers by about a 4 to 1 margin at the polls.  That’s a huge improvement over 2016…

I’ve got some bad news.  Election Day might be over, but the groundhog has renounced his citizenship and fled to Canada, which means we’re doomed to two more years of President Trump…

Election Day is finally over and some people might be feeling a little depressed over the results.  Here’s some good news to put it all into perspective: Two years in, and President Trump has yet to make Purge Night a reality…

Congratulations to Senator Angus King on winning re-election.  By doing so, he has officially moved past Stephen King to become the second most popular King in Maine.  He now trails only Burger King…

Megyn Kelly is out at NBC.  And I hear her interview at BET did not go well at all…

On this day in history in 1969, Sesame Street premiered on PBS.  Despite all the technological advances we’ve had over the past 49 years, my car’s GPS still can’t tell me how to get, how to get to Sesame Street…

Veteran’s Day is Monday.  President Trump was scheduled to serve as Grand Marshal for the parade until he got a note from his doctor, excusing him due to bone spurs…

Veteran’s Day is Monday.  President Trump has declared that for the first time ever, the holiday will honor the veterans of The War on Christmas…

The Maine Harvest Festival is this weekend at the Cross Insurance Center in Bangor.  Based on the distinct aroma in the air downtown today, I’d guess this year’s marijuana harvest was rather robust…

Thanksgiving is next Thursday.  Based on how things have been going in the country lately, I’d say it’s something of an ironic holiday…

Next Thursday is Thanksgiving.   You know why we call it Thanksgiving, right?  Because we are all extremely thankful if we can just make it through dinner without experiencing a total family meltdown…

Cyber Monday is coming.  That, of course, is the day the robots rise up to enslave us because we’re all to busy shopping online to stop them…

“The Impeachment of Bill Clinton” airs tomorrow night on A&E.  The network also announced that it hopes to be able to air “The Impeachment of Donald Trump” within the next six months…

On this day in history in 1928, the Boston Garden officially opened.  The very first beer was thrown at a player by a fan a mere three minutes later…

What do you think, Modern Philosophers?  Did any of the Sunday Rejects tickle your funny bone?

The Nite Show with Danny Cashman airs on Saturday nights in Maine.  You can check out clips on the show’s YouTube channel, follow it on Twitter @TheNiteShowME, and like its page on Facebook.