Baby, It’s Ridiculously Cold Outside!

humor, weather, winter, Maine, Modern PhilosopherThe good news, Modern Philosophers, is that I have taken great strides in overcoming my paralyzing fear of driving in the snow.

The RAV4 has made traveling the winter roads of Maine a much less anxious endeavor, and that has done wonders for my overall mental health and wellness.

The bad news, is that the frigid temperatures are really starting to irk me.

I woke up this morning, checked the temperature, saw that it was only 8 degrees, and dove back under the covers.

Later this morning, I posted on Facebook: It’s 8 degrees? I’m going back to sleep for a little while. Like 5 months.

I know you can bundle up against the elements, crank up the heat, and drink plenty of warm beverages, but those solutions make you look fat, drive you into debt as the price of heating oil rises, and make you burn both your tongue and the roof of your mouth.

I’d much rather hibernate.  Can someone wake me when it’s warm again?

humor, weather, winter, Maine, Modern PhilosopherThe kicker is that it’s technically not even winter yet.  That beloved season doesn’t officially begin until December 21.  Of course, that’s for the rest of the country.

In Maine, winter begins on October 1, which is also Day 1 of the 182 Days of Terror.

That means today is Day 67 (yes, I’m counting!), so we’re just a little more than a third of the way through.

If I’m already refusing to get out of bed because it’s too damn cold, what am I going to do in February, when the New Ice Age hits Maine?

In my defense, Cali, my little black cat, was curled up in the bed next to me, and she totally agreed with my decision that it was way too cold to vacate the safety of the bed and its layers of warm, inviting blankets.

It wasn’t just this morning, though.

Snow Miser’s icy embrace really got to me last night.

It was after last night’s taping of The Nite Show with Danny Cashman.  We did three shows and a Christmas Special, so I was really in a festive mood when I left the theater.

Here’s a photo I took of the set, which will help you to understand why life was beginning to look a lot like Christmas for me…

The Nite Show, humor, weather, winter, Maine, Modern PhilosopherI got to my car, and the poor RAV was covered in frost.  I started the engine, the display told me it was 18 degrees, and that was when I realized I was shivering uncontrollably.

As I scraped the frost off the windshield, I continued to shake.  It pretty much damn near shook all the Christmas Spirit out of me.

Being that cold sucks.  I know that’s not the most eloquent way to express it, but it sums up my feelings perfectly.

As soon as I got home, I cranked the heat, put on layers, and fixed myself a hot drink.

Just like the situation suggested, but I didn’t like it!

This morning, once I reluctantly got out of bed, I decided I was going to wait until the mercury rose to 20 degrees before I went for my run.

Well, that ended up taking too long, so I finally bit the bullet and hit the road when it was a sweltering 17 degrees!

humor, weather, winter, Maine, Modern PhilosopherAs you can see by this photo, I am thrilled with the weather conditions.

I’m sure I was smiling brightly under that cowl, completely excited about running in temperatures that were lower than the legal drinking age.

Despite the cold, I still ran four miles.  Because as much as I hate the bone chilling temperatures, I am dedicated to keeping myself healthy and to getting into even better shape.

If only I could shiver away the pounds…

I’m not even going to get started on how the ridiculously cold temperatures have frozen my quest to find true love.  That’s a whole other headache/rant/future blog post.

In conclusion, I hate the cold.  Can someone in a warmer climate please take me in until it’s safe to return to Maine on April 1?

About Austin

Native New Yorker who's fled to the quiet life in Maine. I write movies, root for the Yankees, and shovel lots of snow.
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14 Responses to Baby, It’s Ridiculously Cold Outside!

  1. dennyho says:

    In E’ville, VA, we are cold as well, but not 8 degrees! Helps with the Ho-Ho-Ho magic, dontcha think?

  2. Calu says:

    Will Miami do? We hit 71°🌴🌴🌴 today, and grumble if it gets below 60. Added bonus – hurricane season has ended.

  3. ksbeth says:

    glad you at least have the warm surroundings of the set to keep you going )

  4. Bryntin says:

    I was reading and thinking… what a wuss that Austin is… then I remembered the US imperial measures thing. Yeah, -13C, that’s quite cold. I’d be wanting my big coat I think.

  5. markbialczak says:

    When I think I’m cold here in Syracuse, I’ll remember your bigger chill in Maine, Austin. Stay warm anyway possible, sir.

  6. The Hook says:

    Good luck getting “adopted” Austin.

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