While some deal with requests for fancy cars, expensive jewelry, and the return of the writer’s youth and/or hairline, an overwhelming majority of the letters ask Santa for the same thing…
The impeachment of President Trump.
“I’m not sure if I’m more impressed by the number of letters, or by the passion of the writing when asking for the impeachment,” Postmaster General Elf Julius told this Modern Philosopher via Skype. “They are some very well written letters here, and I know that Santa has been moved by the messages.”
So the big question now is: Will Santa Claus grant these Christmas wishes?
Will the blue wave of the midterm elections be replaced with a red and green one courtesy of our favorite voter from the North Pole?
“Ho, ho, ho! That’s quite the way to put it,” Santa informed me with a beaming smile. “I try not to get mixed up in politics, but I do realize that by putting coal in the stockings of bad little boys and girls, I am helping to support Trump’s push to make coal a thing again.”
Santa laughed again, but I suspect he was half serious about the coal issue.
Seriously, though, how could Santa Claus overlook the requests of so many people this Holiday Season? If he ignored the wishes of the majority, wouldn’t he be nothing more than the Electoral College of the North Pole?
“Comments like that, while witty and insightful, could land you on the Naughty List,” Jolly Old St. Nick warned me with a chuckle. “As much as I’d love to bring Americans that much Christmas Joy, I think it would be a serious abuse of the Constitution. I’m simply not sure that I have the power to impeach a President.”
While America is already assured of a blue Christmas because of the Democrats’ success on Election Day, I’d hate to see the country sink into a Blue Christmas because Santa Claus disappointed them after they’d been so good all year.
“Don’t worry, Austin,” Santa Claus assured me with a wink. “I think Robert Mueller might be bringing Americans the Christmas present they so desperately desire. Christmas is the Season of Giving, and I’m fairly certain that Mr. Mueller is going to give you all a reason to be merry and filled with hope.”
After all, how in the world would Santa Claus wrap an impeachment?
Other than in an ironclad legal case put together by a Special Prosecutor!
May all your Christmas wishes come true!