Chasing After Santa’s Sleigh

Christmas, Santa Claus, humor, Modern PhilosopherMerry Christmas, Modern Philosophers!

Christmas began in the traditional way at The House on the Hill.  I ran down the stairs in search of presents, but there weren’t any.

It’s not like I expected anything to be waiting for me in the living room, but my inner child made me look.  After all, I’ve been pretty good this year, so I held out some hope that Santa Claus wouldn’t forget me yet again.

It’s no big deal.  No presents means no wrapping paper to clean up, no thank you cards to write, and no having to pretend to like a gift that’s completely wrong for me.

Of course, that doesn’t mean I’m not pissed at Santa Claus.

I mean, I thought we were friends.  He lets me interview him for blog posts every year, and I always paint him in a great light, even though he doesn’t bring me any gifts.

But it’s cool.  I’m a big boy.  I can handle getting the cold shoulder from Santa.

As I was staring at the empty space in the living room where I’d hoped that presents would be, I heard the distant sound of sleigh bells.

That meant Santa Claus was still in the neighborhood, and I was suddenly determined to have it out with him once and for all.

Christmas, Santa Claus, humor, Modern PhilosopherSo I went out running after those sleigh bells.  I ran a solid three miles hoping to catch up to the big guy and his reindeer, but I guess I wasn’t fast enough.

Or Santa’s just damn good at operating in stealth mode.  Regardless, I didn’t get a chance to have a little chat about my lack of presents.

Silver lining, though, is that I got in a solid three mile run on Christmas morning.

That was a lucky turn of events, because I wasn’t sure if I was going to run on the holiday.

Now I’m glad I did because I’ve been eating a lot of bad foods lately.  Like I always do around Christmas to try to cover up the fact that I’m lonely and sad.

But I’ve kept running because once this holiday is done, I’m going to shake out of this funk and I want to be in great shape for the new year.  That way, even if I’m upset at Santa Claus for bypassing me on Christmas, I can still have a great rest of the year.

Also, if I keep running, there’s no way I don’t catch up to his sleigh next year!

And it’s not like my Christmas has been completely devoid of mysterious gifts.

I did return from work yesterday to find a box of candy in my mailbox.  I had no idea who it was from, so I was hesitant to enjoy the gift.

Christmas, Santa Claus, humor, Modern PhilosopherAfter all, it could’ve been from a stalker with bad intentions.

Or maybe it was poisoned.  I remember being told never to take candy from strangers, and I’m pretty sure this batch fell under that umbrella.

I posted on Facebook about the red box with its snazzy bow, in hopes that someone would confess to being the anonymous candy giver.

If no one fessed up, the candies were going in the garbage.  Better safe than sorry.

Finally, my neighbor Sandy admitted that she had left the box for me.  I wish she had just dropped it off in person, but I was relieved to know that the gift was safe to enjoy.

Of course, if I eat all that candy, I’ll have to run even more to burn off the calories.

Which isn’t a bad thing.  Running is a great way to distract myself from the fact that Santa has me on the Naughty List for reasons I do not understand…

About Austin

Native New Yorker who's fled to the quiet life in Maine. I write movies, root for the Yankees, and shovel lots of snow.
This entry was posted in Christmas, Fitness, Humor and tagged , , , , , , , , , . Bookmark the permalink.

6 Responses to Chasing After Santa’s Sleigh

  1. ksbeth says:

    happy christmas austin. sometimes the surprises are the best gifts of all –

  2. Didn’t have much of a Christmas.
    I was busy trying to hold a disintegrating new house together.
    I think the devil has come to stay at this house now. You are safe.

  3. markbialczak says:

    Your neighbor Sandy is very nice, Austin! I hope you are enjoying your vacation week up to Jan. 2.

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