The Single Guy’s Guide To Being Sick

humor, advice, Modern PhilosopherOne of the few, if not only, perks of being sick, Modern Philosophers, is having someone take care of you.

When you’re single, though, you don’t even get that.  So falling ill is a real annoyance, and can be a complete trial.

Unless, of course, you know how to take care of yourself.

I woke up this morning feeling like the apocalypse had taken place inside the shell I call a body, and now I’m trying to drive out the four horsemen.

The very first step to dealing with this situation is accepting that you are sick.  Don’t try to be a hero and laugh it off as anything other than a full on outbreak of something that will keep you very close to your bed and the bathroom all day.

That way, if it turns out to be anything less tragic, it’s a win.

Plus, blowing off clear signs that your body is about to bail on you can only lead to things getting much worse.  Do you really want to be driving when all systems crash?  Hell no!

Accept the warning signs and raise the threat level to Code Red Infection Status.  Go for a full quarantine and don’t even think about the outside world.  Until this passes, it’s just you and your body in a battle to survive the germ invasion.

humor, advice, Modern PhilosopherFor me, this meant canceling my morning run.  You know I’m sick when I don’t allow myself to begin the day with that usual torture.

I went for a run yesterday when it was 6 degrees, which is probably why I’m sick.  But that should also tell you that I don’t let much stand between me and getting my miles for the day.

However, there’s no way I’m going to allow myself to be several miles from The House on the Hill when my body decides it needs to expel more than sweat.  I will always be within sight of the bathroom.

So how does a single guy get through the day with no one around to cater to his every whiny little need?

Trick yourself into believing it’s a much needed rest day.  Better yet, pretend you’re going all Ferris Bueller on the world and cutting on real life responsibilities.  This shouldn’t be difficult to do since your mind is already weak from the germs festering inside it.

Who doesn’t love an unexpected day off?  You don’t need to shower or change out of your pajamas.  Don’t even get out of bed.  Or you can be like me and plop down on the couch so you can watch TV all day.

That DVR isn’t going to empty itself, sport.  Today’s the day to free up some space for more cool shows.

Parks and Rec, humor, advice, Modern PhilosopherFor me, that means a large helping of Parks and Recreation.

I rediscovered this classic comedy over Christmas break, and I have been recording the 5 episodes FXX airs every morning.

Now it’s time to catch up on the escapades of the gang from Pawnee.

In my case, watching such a well-written show isn’t just a mindless distraction.  It also gets my creative juices flowing.  It make want to write.  It inspires ideas.  It reminds me of how much I love being a writer.

So if you have a passion that doesn’t get enough of your attention because real life gets into the way, this is the perfect time to immerse yourself in it.  The outside world holds no sway over you when you’re home sick, so feed that passion.

I will definitely be writing today.  Hell, I’m writing right now, aren’t I?

I also intend to finish my library book.  This story I’m reading has awakened my inner novelist, and caused me to jot down even more notes for the novel I intend to write.

Then it’s football later.  Two big playoff games.  No need to make an excuse for blowing off the afternoon to watch them because I’m sick and I don’t need to make excuses!

Another great way to survive being sick is to use any little psychological advantage you can find.  Since no one is around to assure you that you’re going to be better, you’ve got to find anything you can to get a leg up on the germs that are hellbent on destroying you.

For me, this means busting out the Magic Robe.

Now the Magic Robe has remained in the back of my closet for some time because it was given to me by Rachel, aka The Girl Who Moved Away, on Valentine’s Day, and is a painful reminder of what I lost when she went back to school.

Hermione, humor, advice, Modern PhilosopherThe thing about the Magic Robe is that I always feel better when I wear it.  Rachel claimed it was enchanted by none other than Hermione Granger herself, so when I put it on, I will always feel like I am wrapped in one of Rachel’s hugs.

A clear conundrum for me.  The sensation of being hugged by someone I once loved do deeply, will only remind me that I am all alone while sick.

Then again, that same feeling makes me feel warm and safe and like I will beat whatever demon disease has taken hold of my body.

So I’m definitely wearing the Magic Robe as I type this.  When you’re fighting a battle all alone, you happily accept any ally willing to stand by your side.

In summation, being sick sucks.  As does being alone.  However, combining both of those doesn’t have to be the end of the world.

Get well soon!

About Austin

Native New Yorker who's fled to the quiet life in Maine. I write movies, root for the Yankees, and shovel lots of snow.
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31 Responses to The Single Guy’s Guide To Being Sick

  1. grannyK says:

    I do hope you feel better fast. Maybe, you should take tomorrow off, just in case!

  2. Hope you feel better fast. I always want my mom when I’m sick…

  3. SD Gates says:

    Gosh – I hope you start feeling better soon. When I am sick, I don’t want anyone around. I just want the people in my house to step up and do all the chores (which rarely happens) and leave me alone. I like to suffer in silence, by myself. And Parks and Recreation is a great show, so silly!!! If you still find yourself sick and you get through P&R, try Weeds – another great show. Hope you are not sick long enough to watch Weeds.

  4. ksbeth says:

    yes, i think you have taken a great approach to being sick and taking care of yourself. feel better soon, austin

  5. markbialczak says:

    I hope Monday is better than Sunday was, Austin.

  6. Adele Ankers says:

    Get well soon! It’s been a few days since this post, so I hope you’re well on the road to recovery, you certainly had your game plan perfectly laid out. #SaveFerris

  7. Jasper says:

    Never missed a day in my life. I love saying, “The plane boss. The plane.

  8. AAristizabal says:

    Wish you a swift recovery, and many strikes on the keyboard!

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