But that’s exactly what I did every morning this week.
You see, I’d never been this sick. Normally, if germs manage to penetrate my defenses, they annoy me for a day or two at most, and then find a weaker host upon which to prey.
In fact, on Monday, I boldly declared that whatever the hell was going on inside my body was going to end that night.
And I sincerely believed that.
I suppose this proves that a Film degree does not trump a Medical degree in some areas.
So why was I checking every morning to make sure I was human? Because I was convinced that I had contracted the strain of the flu that set off the Zombie Apocalypse on The Walking Dead.
I was so sure I was going to die in my sleep and then return to the living as a walker.
The only things I have working for me are my sense of humor and quick wit, and those are gone once you become a brain dead sack of rotting flesh.
And there’s no way I’d want to turn in my sleep because that would mean trudging around in my pajamas until someone was kind enough to poke a hole in my brain. While sick this week, I was sleeping in flannel pants, an old tee shirt, and a ratty sweatshirt.
That is not a great look for joining my local Zombie herd. I’d probably be ostracized.
The lack of shoes would probably be the worst part about it, though. All that walking in bare feet? Feet freak me out as it is, so I can only imagine what the sight of Zombie feet would do to me. Then think about those bare feet after they’ve trudged down hundreds of miles of winter roads.
Ugh. No thank you.
So, yes, I was tempted to wear something more suitable for the Zombie life when I went to bed every night. And I did consider sleeping in my running shoes.
Luckily, I was too distracted by how damn sick I was to make any ridiculous fashion decisions when I crawled into bed every night and prayed sleep would come.
It’s impossible to drift off when you’re carrying the weight of the plague on your shoulders.
Sunday night was the worst.
I went to bed at 8:15, got up a little after 6:00 the next morning, and my FitBit reported that I’d slept for only four hours and five minutes.
I kept waking up every half hour to either go to the bathroom, have a coughing fit, or blow my nose.
I also had a horrible case of the chills. I was shivering so violently, that I was afraid I was going to bounce out of the bed. This after I’d put on a second sweatshirt and thrown another comforter on the bed.
Add crazy nightmares to the mix, and you get a night of sleep so bad that you wake up feeling even worse than you did when you’d hoped a good night’s sleep was all you needed.
I still went to work, though. In fact, I even put in a little overtime. I was awake, so why not go into the office?
Plus, I don’t like being alone when my body is betraying me in such a manner. I want someone there to call an ambulance and rush me to the hospital if I finally collapse.
And there needs to be someone there to ensure that Zombie Austin does not wander out into the world to do harm.
I felt well enough to be at work. I just had a headache and the constant need to sneeze and cough. There was no fever. My tummy only rose up in anger a couple of times, but never anything serious.
Of course, that didn’t stop people from telling me how pale I looked. One person even stopped to tell me I looked horrible.
Those wonderful people skills really helped build my confidence and put me on the quick path to recovery.
The hardest part of every day when when I went to bed. I knew that if I could just get a solid night’s sleep, the germs would grow bored and no longer want to feed off my body.
But it’s nearly impossible to sleep when you can’t breathe, your nose won’t stop running, and you’re fixated on turning into a pajama wearing Zombie.
It certainly wasn’t the fastest three and a half miles I’ve ever run, but after a week without getting in my miles, it was a most welcome run.
It had been more than twenty-one months since I’d gone a week without running. As much as I can hate the activity at times, I desperately needed to be back out on the road. Being inactive for that long was almost as painful as being sick.
So in summation, I would definitely pass on the Winter Outbreak. While it might be the current fad making the rounds on social media, it has nothing positive to offer.
Stay healthy. Stay human. Maybe give a little more thought to what you wear to bed.
You know. Just in case…