Usually, it’s Snow Miser causing my life to be miserable, but he has apparently tagged in the evil red headed stepchild to continue our ongoing steel cage death match.
It doesn’t often get hot enough in Maine to melt my flesh like I was a Nazi daring to gaze upon the Ark of the Covenant, but this has been one such weekend.
I’ve tried to hide inside The House on the Hill to avoid the heatwave, but Heat Miser is too powerful to be stopped by modern technology or old windows and insulation. I’m writing this post topless from my couch, just to give you some idea of how warm it is.
No, you cannot sit next to me and stare upon my shirtless chest. If I did that for you, I’d have to allow all the Modern Philosophers to do so. I don’t have the room, or the patience, to accommodate that many people!
I didn’t want to miss my morning runs because of the Wrath of Heat Miser, so I took some precautions to ensure I would not melt into a puddle of sweat along my route.
The first step was to get up early, so I could complete my run before the temperature rose to its highest point.
Then I moved my runs to the River Walk, so I would (hopefully) have a nice breeze blowing off the river to keep me cooler than I already am.
Legend has it that he who wears the Crown of Ice shall be impervious to every weapon in Heat Miser’s arsenal.
Now I’m not sure if that’s just an old wives’ tale, or actual magic passed down from generations of Defense Against the Dark Arts classes at Hogwarts, but I know that when I wear my Ice Crown, I feel much more powerful against the heat.
You probably won’t be able to get your hands on a genuine Ice Crown unless you have connections within Maine’s Otherworldly Being community, but I can help you make a reliable substitute. Just keep in mind, however, that I take absolutely no responsibility if your DIY Crown of Ice doesn’t work, and you become a bubbling puddle of sweat.
It’s really pretty simple. Take a baseball cap, soak it with water, and put it in the freezer. Once the cap freezes, take it out, put it on, and go for a run. It will keep you cool as it slowly melts over the course of your run.
In very rare instances, you might contract frost bite on your skull from this lazy man’s substitute, but again, I absolve myself of any responsibility or liability should that occur.
No doubt, due in large part to my Crown of Ice.
So if you do decide to be active during this ridiculous heatwave, be smart. Be safe. Stay hydrated. And wear your Ice Crown.
You’ll be grateful that you did, and maybe Heat Miser will take the hint and decide to go back into hiding…
How are you dealing with the heat?