Pelosi Urges Democrats To Peach Trump

We live in challenging, bizarre, and fruity times, Modern Philosopher.

Case in point would be today’s announcement by Speaker of the House Nancy Pelosi that she is urging Democrats to peach President Trump.

Yes, you read that correctly.  She wants to PEACH the President, rather than impeach him.

What exactly is “peaching”?  How about I allow Speaker Pelosi to explain it…

“It is my belief that, for whatever his reasons, President Trump is trying to bait us into impeaching him,” Pelosi reminded reporters.  “We’re not going to play that game.  It has become apparent, however, that something must be done to punish the President for recent behavior that is not at all Presidential.”

“We are well aware that President Trump is a man of many appetites,” Pelosi continued with a face that betrayed she didn’t share the President’s tastes.  “Among them is a love of food.  But not healthy food.  In fact, he seems to avoid fruits and vegetables as if they were his personal Kryptonite.”

The mere reference to Superman in the same sentence as President Trump made many members of the press wince, most notably, Daily Planet reporter Clark Kent.

“My sources tell me that President Trump hates peaches more than any other fruit, and because of this, I urge all Democrats to peach the President!” Pelosi declared.  “Send as many peaches as possible to the White House, and then we won’t agree to meet again with President Trump until he has finished every last one.  We are not bluffing, and we will not back down!”

The Speaker went on to clarify that only fresh peaches should be sent to the White House.  There should be no peach cobbler, peach jam, or canned peaches, as Trump might actually enjoy those items, and this action is meant to punish the President, not to add to his ever expanding waist line.

There was no immediate response from the White House, but delivery trucks could be seen at the gate shortly after Pelosi’s announcement.  Several sources inside Trump’s administration have confirmed that dozens of baskets of peaches now line the hallway outside the Oval Office.

Just moments ago, President Trump took to Twitter (how else would you expect him to address the American people?) to react to his pending “peachment” at the hands of the Democratic Party:

Peachy Pelosi thinks she’s so smart, but what the Peacher of the House doesn’t realize is that I can just make Don, Jr and Eric (my sons), eat all the peaches.  Keep on sending them because I am unpeachable! #fruitisgross #peachthis

When asked if she would consider impeachment if the peaching of the President does not turn out to be as fruitful as she’d hoped, Pelosi refused to comment.

At the moment, it is business as usual at the White House.  And by that, I mean that absolutely nothing makes sense, and a deep sense of foreboding chills me to the core…

Do you think that peaching President Trump will have any effect on the way he does things?