A Cooler, More Efficient Form Of Time Travel

humor, time travel, Modern PhilosopherA bunch of us were out on the porch talking about time travel last night, Modern Philosophers.

In other words, it was a typical Saturday night at The House on the Hill.

We had just returned from the garage, where I’d allowed them a look at the progress on my time machine.  The group was locked in a heated debate about whether I was totally out of my mind because I’d announced that I was striving for a cooler, more efficient form of time travel.

As you know, time travel brings you to the same location at a different moment in time.  You are the version of you that you were when you got into the time machine, and you do not age to match the time period to which you have traveled.

That’s all well and good for some, but it’s not enough for me.

Hence the great debate.

Now let me make it clear that I’m no scientist.  Science was always my worst subject in school.  I’m a writer, so I’m all about using my imagination to create scenarios that I find to be appealing and entertaining.

time travel, humor, Modern PhilosopherThe science police types involved in last night’s discussion kept pointing out that it is impossible to alter the basic aspects of time travel, regardless of how cool I think my changes might be.

I countered with the fact that no one ever believed time travel would be possible, and yet pioneers like my friend and benefactor Doc Brown have proven that it can be done.

Sure, the plans for my time machine are based mostly on what I’ve picked up from TV shows and movies, but Doc made his breakthrough when he slipped and hit his head.

At least my method doesn’t involve any possible brain trauma.

What boils the blood of the hard line science types is my insistence that I can build a time machine that allows me to not only travel to a different location, but also alters my age as I see fit for my destination.

I’m sure you understand why location is important.  I’ve lived in Maine for fifteen years, but nothing much happens around here.  When I time travel, I’m going to want to arrive at someplace where the action is.

Maine is most likely not going to be that place.

Sure, I could just follow the old rules of time travel, and venture backwards or forwards in time, remaining in the exact location of my garage at The House on the Hill, and then find a mode of transport to get where I need to go, but why waste so much time and effort?  Why risk tipping off the locals that there is a time traveler in their midst?

time travel, humor, Modern PhilosopherIt’s far more efficient to journey to my intended destination in my time machine.

It’s my adventure, and my time machine, so why not create something that will allow me to choose my own path?

To be honest, I think the real problem my detractors have is that scientific types aren’t creative thinkers.  They are notorious for their inability to think outside of the box they’ve meticulously constructed in their laboratories.

The way I see it, time travel needs to be heavy on the creativity, and rely on the science only for the basic necessities.  Time travel should be fun and sexy, not boring and hemmed in by the rules of science.

Which leads me to my second idea about age.

Obviously, when I travel into the future, I don’t want to age to match the year to which I’m headed.  That would be absurd, and limit how far forward I could go as I don’t want to die of old age along the way.

I want the age option for when I travel back in time to visit specific moments in my life that I’d like to tackle again.  A time travel “do over” if you will.

time travel, humor, Modern PhilosopherAnd when I opt for this change, I still want the knowledge of all my years available.  In other words, if I choose to visit a period in time as the 14 year old version of me, I still want the knowledge, memories, and experience of current day me at my disposal.

Basically, if I choose to go back to eighth grade to finally ask out Cathy Fitzpatrick, or return to my disastrous first date in high school, I want to do so in an age appropriate body, but with the mind of a grown man so that I can better handle those situations.

After all, I’m not spending all this time and money building a time machine because I want to witness the building of the pyramids, hang out with Socrates, or fight in the Crusades.

I want to time travel so that I can right the numerous wrongs from my past that have haunted me for decades.

There’s nothing wrong with that, is there?

If you agree with my vision, and would like to help me complete my time machine, please contact me about how to make a donation.  I’m only a few million dollars away from my goal.

About Austin

Native New Yorker who's fled to the quiet life in Maine. I write movies, root for the Yankees, and shovel lots of snow.
This entry was posted in Humor and tagged , , , , , , , . Bookmark the permalink.

8 Responses to A Cooler, More Efficient Form Of Time Travel

  1. Calu says:

    Hmmm… Sounds like you’re wishing for a TARDIS and an anti aging potion more than a DeLorean. Perhaps Doc Brown can put you in touch with that other Doctor and a certain snarky professor. 👀

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