Jokes Not Worthy Of Late Night

monologue jokes, writing, The Nite Show, humor, Modern PhilosopherHappy Sunday, Modern Philosophers!

A new episode of The Nite Show with Danny Cashman aired last night, which means some of my monologue jokes made it onto your television.

The truth is, I write dozens of jokes for every show, and only a few of them can make it onto the air.  That means so many jokes never get a chance to make someone laugh.

Well, I don’t want those jokes to never know the sound of laughter.  So I’m going to share some of my jokes that Danny didn’t select for last night’s show.  If they can make just one of you laugh, then all my hard work did not go for naught.

Without further babbling from me, here’s are some of my monologue jokes deemed not worthy for late night television…

Halloween is on Thursday.  Linus, if you’re sitting in that pumpkin patch, waiting for the Great Pumpkin to arrive, I’ve found him for you.  He’s currently in the Oval Office, sending out angry tweets, and waiting to hear if he’ll be impeached…

I love Halloween because it’s the one day of the year that cosplay is open to everyone, not just to super nerdy 20 or 30 somethings who still live in their parents’ basements…

monologue jokes, writing, The Nite Show, humor, Modern PhilosopherKids in Augusta are thrilled about the new trick of treat rules at The Blaine House.  This year, Governor Mills will actually pass out the candy to trick or treaters, rather than keeping it all for herself like Governor LePage used to do…

Kevin Smith’s Jay and Silent Bob Reboot premiered last night.  Early estimates are that it’s going to take at least a month to get the stench of weed out of all those theaters…

“It’s The Great Pumpkin, Charlie Brown” airs tomorrow night, followed by the election themed “You’re Not Elected, Charlie Brown”.  In that second, lesser known program, Charlie Brown takes office, even though he didn’t win the popular vote, because he was chosen by the Electoral College.  And he wonders why all the kids hate him…

Jessica Meir of Caribou, Maine made history last weekend as one of two astronauts involved in the first all women space walk.  Proving that some people will go to extraordinary lengths just to avoid the arrival of colder weather in Maine…

monologue jokes, writing, The Nite Show, humor, Modern PhilosopherThe impeachment inquiry continues with more challenges facing President Trump and his associates.  At this point, it might just be cheaper to turn the White House into a prison, rather than paying to relocate its occupants to jails throughout the country…

Maine suffered from massive windstorms last week, which caused many Mainers to have panic attacks because they feared that Governor LePage had returned…

On this day in history in 1787, the Federalist Papers, which called for the ratification of the of the US Constitution, were published. Those who opposed the Constitution, immediately dismissed the Federalist Papers as fake news…

So what did you think?  Did any of the rejects make you laugh?  Did you have a favorite?  Inquiring monologue jokes want to know…

About Austin

Native New Yorker who's fled to the quiet life in Maine. I write movies, root for the Yankees, and shovel lots of snow.
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