Running To Do Something

pandemic, health, running, Modern PhilosopherIt was a rough week at The House on the Hill, Modern Philosophers, as I tried to adapt to life in the time of the Coronavirus.

Sure, the social distancing is right up my quirky introvert alley, but that doesn’t mean I don’t get lonely.

I do have some emotions like a normal human being.  Not many, but my programming does allow for some of the negative ones.

I suffered a horrible loss this week as my kitty Cassie crossed over the rainbow bridge.  Her passing came as a shock, and probably hit me even harder than it would have because of all the bottled up stress and anxiety.

I cried for a very long time, and maybe it helped my overall mental health to have that kind of breakdown and unleash some emotion.

I don’t want to gloss over Cassie’s death, but I just can’t bring myself to write any more about it.  Just doing this much has caused me to cry again, and I’m really trying to be strong for her sisters who are confused by her absence.

I might be (not so slowly) cracking up, I’m feeling perfectly fine physically.  Yes, I’m worried about catching the virus, especially since I work in healthcare, but I do take serious precautions at work.  I don’t mind being in the office, in fact, I want to be there.

It is a much needed distraction at a time when my mind is racing too quickly to process so many anxious, negative, frightening, and stressful thoughts.  Being able to focus on the task at hand has kept my brain from melting, or just shutting down altogether.

I’m a problem solver and there are lots of problems that need to be solved.  It makes the day pass quickly, and also helps me to feel like a useful part of society.

pandemic, health, running, Modern PhilosopherOf course, I’m very worried that we will be closed down and sent home.  While that is most likely the safest scenario to keep me from being infected, stress levels go through the roof when I think about life without a steady paycheck.  I’m losing sleep over that possibility, and when I’m sleepy, my mind is more open to suggestion from the side of my brain that secretes stress into my system.

I would love to work from home, which would give me the best of two worlds, but that option has not been offered.  How are the rest of you handling work closures?  I honestly think I would just sit here and worry about money, try to eat as little as possible so my food supplies last, and quickly go mad.

So to stave off the inevitable financial freakout, I’ve upped my running game.  Not only is it an excellent distraction (I tweeted the morning after I lost Cassie that it’s almost impossible to cry when you’re running), but it also makes me feel like I’m doing something proactive to fight off COVID 19.

The logic is sound.  If my body is healthier, it is more likely and better prepared to stave off an invasion from the virus.

DO NOT try to convince me otherwise.

That’s what’s keeping me going.  So I’m keeping up my regular running schedule and pushing myself to go longer and faster.

And for those of you worried that I’m opening myself up to exposure by being outside, let me assure you that my neighborhood has become a ghost town.  There’s no one outside.  Very few cars.  It’s eerily silent.

pandemic, health, running, Modern PhilosopherAs someone who grew up in the bustling borough of Brooklyn, all this quiet is a bit unnerving.  My neighbor knocked on the door last night, and it startled the $%^& out of me.  I think I had actually convinced myself I was the only one still on the block.

It’s nice to know the other houses are still occupied.  It would be too creepy for my overactive mind to know that I was the only one left in the neighborhood.  I’d never be able to sleep, and if I did, I’m sure the nightmares would be so horrifying that I’d never want to sleep again.

That’s why I need my runs.  I need to feel alive.  To know I’m not just sitting home waiting for the virus to come for me.  Every time I push myself a little harder, a little further, I’m telling myself that I’m increasing my chances of beating this damn virus.

Running definitely beats sitting home and watching the news.  MSNBC actually has a constantly updating graphic on the screen of how many people have been infected and have died.

pandemic, health, running, Modern PhilosopherI hate change.  This current version of life is not Modern Philosopher approved.  I demand we go back to the previous version very soon.

In the meantime, I’m going to keep running.  Stay safe, Modern Philosophers!

What are you doing to keep yourself sane during this insane time?

About Austin

Native New Yorker who's fled to the quiet life in Maine. I write movies, root for the Yankees, and shovel lots of snow.
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13 Responses to Running To Do Something

  1. Bryntin says:

    Because we are so rural, life here has hardly changed, although trekking into civilisation to often find there’s no groceries to be bought is pretty annoying. I’m doing indoor cycling, with the bike fixed on a trainer, which is a poor second to normal cycling but I have to burn of the extra isolation cake comfort eating somehow.

  2. I hear you. These are tough times, my friend. I plan on trying to do the same.

  3. beth says:

    i’m so sorry about cassie and think a good cry is always worth something. keep on running, i’ve been going for a solo walk in the parks everyday and agree that being healthy is our best defense. be well

  4. Sorry for your loss. It sounds like you’re having a hard time. Keeping yourself healthy should be your number one priority because stress can extremely weaken our immune system. If you’re looking for a good read, check-out Mo Rocca’s book, Mobituaries.

    As an introvert/empath, there’s an excellent book I read a few years back that I highly recommend, The Empath’s Survival Guide: Life Strategies for Sensitive People, by Judith Orloff. You can download from Apple or Kindle. This book helped me tremendously after losing two loves of my life, my husband of 30 years and my horse of 30 years. The empath book in particular helped me deal with life changing issues.

    Know you have a loving caring fan base of bloggers and I for one, appreciate your honesty and humor from your posts.

    Stay safe and healthy.

    Throwing you a social distancing hug from Sunny California.

  5. markbialczak says:

    I am sorry for your loss, Austin. A beloved pet means so much, I know.
    As far as shutting down your office, you might get some financial relief from the new bill Congress is working on. Maybe. Perhaps. Also, maybe your bosses are getting a work-from-home plan together for the if-and-when.
    Yes, working at home is very different, I found in the first half-week. I miss the socialization aspects very much. Also the increased screen time is not optimal for the eyes or mind. But I’m glad I can do what I can online for the community.
    My wife’s office closed, with no work at home option because it is the eye care field.
    So she’s focusing (no pun intended) on stuff inside the house and the yard as I do my work hours.
    Hang in there, Austin, and be well.

  6. Pingback: The week gone by — March 22 – A Silly Place

  7. kristianw84 says:

    I realize this post is almost two years old now, but I am very sorry to hear about the loss of Cassie. Hugs!

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